Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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I just can't take anymore

beckychurcher
beckychurcher
Well here I am nearly 3 weeks after he lied and met her again. and this is what has been happening. After much pain, tears , anger etc I told him he has to go (read my other posts what has happened), even if we just separate to sort our feelings out and he has been dead against it, loves me etc etc still in denial about what really happened on that fateful meeting with her even though I have photos and eye witness account of kissing, touching, cuddling etc. Anyhow he suddenly seemed to be okay with going and I initially thought at last he has got it!! but then I started to feel a bit uneasy from going to be anti to be ok ish about it. He did say that he has a hell of a lot of work on so it would be better all round as he will be leaving early and coming home late, short of staff etc etc. Reasonable as I know that with his type of work for the next few weeks, I know he will be pushed. I said that he can come back on his days off to be with the children (but not with me). He has only been gone 4 days and today I have had a very uneasy feeling that, he wasn't at work, phoned landline and they told me he was off today, I just knew it! I phoned him and I asked him where he was and he said at work...f.....g liar. He said that he has been so upset he couldn't face work (he has never, never, taken days of work in the 25 yrs that I have known him WHY?? can't answer. He stayed at his parents place in our home town last night and ended up back in the city today drinking with
people I have heard off but don't know. JESUS somebody help me get this guy to tell the TRUTH ..what are your thoughts on this. I feel sick and so angry with him again. I know we have separated but with conditions still that he can't see her ever 'cos she and her family are physco, and I am scared of what they might do to me, already been threatened once. I seriously think he has been with her...I want to be wrong, I really do, how can I find out the truth...Please help..think I am going mad. Panic attacks again and feeling really jittery.
deleted_user
deleted_user
He probably is with her. When my H told me he was ending the affair and I would catch him lying again, I would sometimes tell him I didn't want to see him or I would go out of town for the night to stay with friends. He would act all sad and concerned and call me constantly acting like he was worried. Once he was sure I wasn't around and couldn't catch him with the OW he would turn right around and call her and try to get together with her. He would continue to check up on me to make sure I wasn't actually going to be around and then make plans with her. I can almost hear him saying ALRIGHT!!!, woohoo, time to have some fun once he was sure I wouldn't be around to catch him.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I hate to tell you what you probably already know but he has probably been with her.You see,he has already been lying to you so it has been my experince that they just don't stop because you put them out.He still believes that part of you believes him so yes,he will continue to lie.We always think that putting a spouse out will help them to hit rock bottom but the reality is that some spouses take"separation" as a license to go screw somone because as they see it they are separated from you and therefore they can"try and find themselves".And yes they give you that bull about having to do some real soul searching just to placate their spouses!I have first hand experience in this area as my jacka** H fed me the same BS!I believed it for a bit until I read the texts!Sometimes I think that they want you to put them out so that they continue what they are doing in peace!That is not to say that you shouldn't put them out but rather don't expect any miracle transformations!When you put them out ,do it for you because you need some peace and quiet!You said that you suffer from panic attacks as do I,therefore consider that this decision was for the sake of your own sanity,not to teach him a lesson because I can tell you that they may not learn!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I often think that what works better than physically putting them out, which just makes it easier for them to screw around, is putting them out mentally and emotionally. When you give them the impression that you are moving on emotionally they start getting worried.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hello, Mickimom is spot on. You KNOW what the truth is here. We all seem to bang our heads on a wall wanting to know the "truth" but don't we all already know? Do we think that just because they haven't said the words and admitted everything to us that we don't know? Does knowing that he's lying to you, but not admitting his affair make it any less real? I know we would all love to leave (or stay) without a shadow of a doubt, and knowing every detail but you already "know". I think the denials just keep us hanging on and living in limbo cuz we just plain aren't ready to accept the truth & believe the magnitude of their actions. Sad.
I say you get him out so that YOU can sort thru all of his lying & deciet and figure out weather you will leave him or take him back. The fact of the matter is that weather you have him at home or boot him out, when he leaves thru the front door you have no control over where he goes or what he does. Either way he'll do what he wants....So which way is easier for YOU to get on with what you have to? Think of you first!
Good Luck to you!
Lstecker
Lstecker
Is his telling you the truth going to make it more real than what it is? If he has been lying to you for this long, he really doesn't feel that you deserve the truth. Don't wait for him to TELL you jack. You already know it.

You've left him enough rope - to either hang himself or get back to reality. He chose to hang himself with it.

Say See Ya?

L~