As for the restaurant she works there. I have been looking for a reason to get her into another job. (Sarcasm)

I have thought about how I am gonna tell her. I was planning on being sincere and not call him any names. I am just gonna say that I found out that her husband and my wife were sleeping around in December. I found out they started talking at the restaurant in October shortly before we got married. I found out that they traded pictures with each other in January. My wife told me she was sending them to the kid's dad but in March I found out it was her husband. I will tell her that I have the e-mails and message archives to back all this up. I will not cut him down and call him a piece of worthless dog shit like he called me. I wouldn't want anyone to call my wife a backstabbing bitch . I will say that my wife told him to stop contacting her after I found out and that we are trying to work things out.

I am mad at her for all reasons.
I love her enough to stay. But if I were to leave, it would be on my own terms. In other words, if I got to the point where I feel unhappy I could leave and find my happiness through my kids.

We are the same age. But we were raised totally different. I was raised by parents who actually cared about me. Was well disciplined and grew up in a community where my parents were well respected.
She grew up abused by members of her family and thrown out on the streets at a very young age. She still has a hint of a "ghetto" mentality . I am not saying that her background is why she did it. Just giving a little background on how we were raised.

My problem now is when do I tell her. do I tell her now or do u wait until Sept before harvest starts. And do I tell him that I am gonna tell her before I call her or after I tell her.
In a way I want to tell him that I am gonna call her so he can man up and do it himself. But the mean me wants to tell her first then tell him I am gonna call her. Does that make sense?

I think you can tell her as long as you give her an out. If it were my H, I would definitely want to know!

However ... if someone came at me with anger or calling my H names my first reaction would be to defend him. But if it were in a humble, "I may be wrong, but here's the evidence I have and I just wanted you to know so you can protect yourself" I would be more open to it.

DeliAnnum, just because he's so overexposed and isn't a real doctor. I've never had much respect for explotative "doctors." But when I ask myself this one quote, "what's in it for you?" and "what's the payoff for you?" I find a lot of good answers and solutions for myself.

In other words, do it in such a way that she can remain in denial if she wants to.

Lisa that's exactly how I wanted to do it. remain humble. she may deny it and may know how he is. I look at her TV page and she seems like she is self conscience about herself.

The jackass is about 10-12 yrs older than us. My wife said he told her all the right things. I know his type. I used to be like him. He's a sneaky and very observant silver tongue player. The only difference is, I never messed with married women. Though I found out about 2 of them being married or separated after the fact. maybe karma is coming back at me for that.

I thought he was a real doctor... I like a lot of his prases.

I think you should tell her ASAP. Why give him a "Heads up" that the hammer is about to fall? When the Feds break down the door to a den of iniquity they don't give a curtesy call beforehand.

So first off I believe the guys wife has a right to know. Yes it could blow up in your face. It could end his marriage and give him an excuse to talk to your wife. Or it could scare him into begging his wife for a second chance and agreeing to no contact. There is no way to know how the news will effect all or where the pieces will fall.

Now the other thing is why would you be telling her? Is it a form of revenge? Or is it the genuine feeling that she has a right to know?

Pretty much any action born from revenge will bring negativity eventually. I recommend you avoid telling if the main objective is revenge.

If the main objective is her right to know, then I would urge you to tell.

Good point MrCell! I laughed a while on that one.

Pinkpony, it's not about revenge. I see it as a courtesy. I spoke with my cousin on this exact topic on his show tonight.

He thinks that I should sweep it under the rug and get over it. He is afraid that telling her may open a huge can of worms that may cause this whole repairing of the relationship to crumble. He says that if I am going to ever forgive her, I need to stop dwelling on the past and prepare for the future. I have to either live with this and feel sick about it, or just leave her and count my losses and blessings. He said that if I stay with all this anger and rage, and 5 yrs pass and I'm still in this situation, I may be at the point to ask myself why did I stay. why didn't I leave her earlier in life. I so confused.

I know it is ultimately my decision. My cousin did bring up an excellent idea for telling her. Maybe I should get my wife to call up his wife as a form if penance. That way my hands are clean, he may hate my wife, and that would prove to me that it is completely over between them. I think I may bring this idea across my wife's attention when I get home tomorrow. She may not like the fact that I'm still thinking about her mistake, but she doesn't have to live with the pain.

I say just stay calm and not give them to power to ruin YOUR life for their actions. If you want to tell her tell her but in your case I would be doing it because this man is putting all of your lives at risk.

This is what irks me about people who cheat. I would like to hope that they are using protection but who knows. We already know they are not thinking about us in getting there so call needs met. I always wonder why they think the fact that something is missing that needs to be found else where is any different for their spouse? No one is perfect so the same why they have complaints I'm sure their spouse could dig up a few also. Anyway back to the protection thing. He has admitted to sleeping with more women right? So then your wife slept with him and you slept with your wife and all those other women and those other women probably slept with other men and then he is sleeping with his wife...a big cesspool of who knows who is sleeping with who.

I told my husband OW to tell her husband. Yeah I could have told him but one, my husbands affair (as far as I can find but that means nothing) was emotional with kissing and hugging. As far as I can find they did not have sex. I let her tell him because one I wanted her to feel the fear of facing him and two if she lies and then I find out they are still talking on that emotional level as before I will tell him myself and send him everything I have. He doesn't know half of the stuff I know but he knows enough. It was enough for him to threaten to kill her and my husband. That fear is what I wanted for both of them, though for my husband after a few threats it started to back fire. My husband is really nice but he also has a temper stemming from how he was raised. He told the guy that I'm sorry, I admit that what we did to you and my wife was very wrong but one thing you will not continue to do is to threaten to take my life. After a while he became angry with the guy and told him if you think for one second I will let you take me from my family you are out of your mind. If you want to cuss me out or whatever that is fine I deserve it but I will fight you to the death if you come to me with the intent of harm me and taking me from my family. So see it got really nasty for us.

I talk to the husband and it was the last time he contacted my husband. He call my husband phone and I answered (my husband said he had been calling a few times his work phone an cell) so I wanted to see what he thought. She had told him of the hugging and kiss and he was angry and yelling at me too. I told him who do you think you are talking to? You better take it down a notch buddy because I did nothing to you. He apologized and said he was angry I said and I'm not? So he calm down after that. He asked me to send him everything I had. I didn't. I sent him some of the milder emails I found just so he has an idea of what was going on but I feel like he should do some of the work of finding out what HIS wife did. Like I told my husband I will send him EVERYTHING if I find out you all are still up to something because I know she did not tell him everything and then we are done.

I think I missed something along the way - who is your cousin and why does he have "a show"? I like the idea of your wife telling his wife. One thing's fer sure, if HE tells his wife, he will minimize it considerably. "See, I met this girl, and I don't even know her name, and I'm sooooo sorry, it was only the one time, I don't have any feelings for her, I was drunk, she hit on me..."

What good is that?

I think you (or your wife) need to tell his wife absolutely everything. ASAP. Call it "revenge," call it "justice," call it "Karma's a bitch," call it "doing the right thing." Whatever. If you (or your wife) don't tell his wife, the dude gets to wreck your marriage - wreck your life as you knew it - and completely walks away, scot free, business as usual, leaving your LIFE in his wake. And you're going to be cool with that? Not likely. Bro, believe me you, on top of all the shit he already left on your plate, THAT'S going to be tough for you to swallow.

Hereistohoping is spot on: The only reason I caught my wife was because I mysteriously contracted an STD. Lucky me.

I would really, really caution against having your wife call his wife. I would not have taken that well, especially knowing that her husband made her do it. She directly hurt his wife and that's not fair to spring that on her.

It would be gentler and kinder coming from you.

I feel so sorry for the people who are left in the dark. Are you really concerned for helping him, seeking revenge on his spouse, or for closure for you?

Trying to get even is only going to keep you thinking the situation. If it was me I wouldn't say anything, I would be trying to move on with my life.

I dont see it as getting even, If his wife discovered the A would'nt you want to know? I fully believe in exposure, and as his wife she definitely has a right to know.