Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Well, it's a little more than 4 months after I found out about my H's affair. He was just awful to me during the affair (explosive anger, any little thing would set him off, verbally abusive in front of our 3 year old) and things haven't improved all that much.
I was at work when I found out. I got a call in mid-March from a man that I didn't know and had never spoken with. He asked me some direct and pointed questions. then he dropped the bomb on me: his wife had been having an affair with my husband for the past 3 months. I was in utter shock. They live in different states, but she lives in his hometown, where his parents still live. He said that he had records of emails sent between the two of them, and she had a HUGE phone bill from text messages and phone calls. I felt completely sick after hearing that. Then things all started falling in place. In late january/early February, I found a receipt for room service from the Mariott in his hometown. I confronted him about it, and I believed the story he gave me. But, I told the OW's H about this, and he confronted his wife. She confirmed that she was there with him and there was more than friendly conversation going on. The whole affair started in early January, when she came with some friends to our vacation house in the mountains. They apparently hit it off, and ended up sleeping together while on that trip. Oh yes, I forgot to mention, she was only 22! UGH! He's 33.
She told her husband that they had met in a hotel one other occasion. This husband kept calling my H, and threatening to cut it out with her, or he was going to tell me. I am glad that I found out, or otherwise it could still be going on. It's been really hard for me. I keep blaming myself because I wasn't able to go up for that trip to our vacation house since I had to work and we're never allowed time off in January. I keep thinking that if I had been there, this would have never happened. Then I look at pictures of this girl on Facebook, and she is pretty, with a great body. I am pretty (hopefully that doesn't sound too conceited, but I do know that I'm not a dog) but I don't have the best body. I never got my body completely back after the baby. So, most of the time, my inner demons are telling me that I'm fat, ugly and worthless. That is another issue.
My problem now is that I just can't get over his indiscretion. I also don't feel that he is being completely open and honest with me. He blames it all on me that I have all these issues. I can't stand it anymore!
I was at work when I found out. I got a call in mid-March from a man that I didn't know and had never spoken with. He asked me some direct and pointed questions. then he dropped the bomb on me: his wife had been having an affair with my husband for the past 3 months. I was in utter shock. They live in different states, but she lives in his hometown, where his parents still live. He said that he had records of emails sent between the two of them, and she had a HUGE phone bill from text messages and phone calls. I felt completely sick after hearing that. Then things all started falling in place. In late january/early February, I found a receipt for room service from the Mariott in his hometown. I confronted him about it, and I believed the story he gave me. But, I told the OW's H about this, and he confronted his wife. She confirmed that she was there with him and there was more than friendly conversation going on. The whole affair started in early January, when she came with some friends to our vacation house in the mountains. They apparently hit it off, and ended up sleeping together while on that trip. Oh yes, I forgot to mention, she was only 22! UGH! He's 33.
She told her husband that they had met in a hotel one other occasion. This husband kept calling my H, and threatening to cut it out with her, or he was going to tell me. I am glad that I found out, or otherwise it could still be going on. It's been really hard for me. I keep blaming myself because I wasn't able to go up for that trip to our vacation house since I had to work and we're never allowed time off in January. I keep thinking that if I had been there, this would have never happened. Then I look at pictures of this girl on Facebook, and she is pretty, with a great body. I am pretty (hopefully that doesn't sound too conceited, but I do know that I'm not a dog) but I don't have the best body. I never got my body completely back after the baby. So, most of the time, my inner demons are telling me that I'm fat, ugly and worthless. That is another issue.
My problem now is that I just can't get over his indiscretion. I also don't feel that he is being completely open and honest with me. He blames it all on me that I have all these issues. I can't stand it anymore!
You are eligible for a protection from abuse order because he kicked that laundry basket towards you. It doesn't matter if it hit you or not, the comments he made after it justify legally having him kicked out of your home.
You're not crazy, but he wants you to believe you are. It makes it that much easier for him to mock you and make fun of you, and blame things on you. This man is abusive. You should never have to fear leaving your kid with his own father, but since you do, your mother intuition is right. Either get him out or you get out.
Will it hurt? Yep. Will he turn into Mr. Nice Guy, start telling you it isnt your fault, that he was wrong all along, maybe even attend counseling? Sure! DONT FALL FOR IT. Been there, done that.
I kicked my ex fiance out after he cheated on me.He became abusive to me while he was cheating on me, and didn't fail to cease after that. I put up with it for years, thinking he would "change". Yeahhhhh no, they don't. I kept searching for that man that I fell in love with, but couldn't find him, because he NEVER EXISTED. He was a lying piece of shit who once had his foot in the door and thought he had me tied down, started abusing me- especially after he realized I had no where to go ( no family, etc) and he had a hand in making sure that happened! The one time I kicked him out and had him out for three months,
oh all the sudden, things were his fault, he was in counseling, he loved me so much. God the tears he cried. DUMBASS me let him back in. I will never forget the night he started LAUGHING like a mad man after I had let him back in and said "I'll never hurt you again.". When I started crying out of relief, he said "Oh shut up, I was lying" and then spent four hours in my face telling me how it was all my fault, etc etc etc, and laughing all the way while doing it.
You don't deserve what you are going through. Just... get out now or have his ass legally removed. LIke I said, it will hurt now for a while, and have quite an extra sting because only HE holds the answers to why he hurt you. You will NEVER get them. Ever. He's simply an asshole- thats why. But once you get past the pain, its done- its over with- and you never have to deal with that shit again. OR.. if he stays, you will remain in pain. It looks simple on the outside, which decision to make, but trust me...
i know how convincing asses like him can be. Don't fall for it. he treats the floors better than he is you. AND DONT think his affair caused him to be this way. My ex fiance pulled that shit on me too. "Oh it was just the affair, I was still in the fog, blah blah blah".... until his taunting for four hours of evil antics he announced "this is just the way I am". he said a mouthful there.
Cheating within ITSELF is abuse. Every single one of us have been abused... but this guy? I'd like to toss him into an alley with my ex fiance and a super model and watch them kick the shit out of each other for hours. They don't deserve women like us. Keep that in mind.
He's already on his way to physical. My ex started out with doing that shit too. He punched the wall and yelled "that should have been your face". At a later time, he punched the night stand and said "SEE HOW ANGRY YOU MAKE ME?" He wants YOU to take responsibility for HIM and HIS pathetic behavior. The longer you stay, the more of yourself you lose.
Please have him thrown out or get out. ASAP. Sue him for alimony and child support to keep yourself afloat. Look into like a head start program or something for your son. That is what they are called here, not sure about there, but its a free agency/school setting that you MAY qualify for. Does your husband make alot of money? In California, everything is community property. Whats his IS YOURS.
Do you work? Do you have family there?
Start putting a plan into place and start hiding ANY amount of money you can ( and by hide, I mean HIDE the shit, leave NO paper trail!), just have a back up plan and some $$> tell friends and anyone else you know ( especially the courts) that he is abusive.
Dont think about the love. PUT that aside. Take it out of the equation. Is this relationship acceptable to you? Don't answer with well no... but I love him. Just answer the first part- is it acceptable? I doubt it. Get away from him. You can do it.
I have to say, he cheated on me only a few years into the marriage. I was devastated, he was remorseful and we worked very hard to stay together. It took me a long time to trust him again but we did ok for a while. But like they say, once a cheater always a cheater. He did it again but this time he felt like he did nothing wrong and made it out that everything was in my head. I finally asked him to move out last year and even though it was extremely hard, I know that I am so much better off now. No one deserves to be treated badly and you need to have enough respect for yourself to tell him enough is enough.