Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Well, it's a little more than 4 months after I found out about my H's affair. He was just awful to me during the affair (explosive anger, any little thing would set him off, verbally abusive in front of our 3 year old) and things haven't improved all that much.
I was at work when I found out. I got a call in mid-March from a man that I didn't know and had never spoken with. He asked me some direct and pointed questions. then he dropped the bomb on me: his wife had been having an affair with my husband for the past 3 months. I was in utter shock. They live in different states, but she lives in his hometown, where his parents still live. He said that he had records of emails sent between the two of them, and she had a HUGE phone bill from text messages and phone calls. I felt completely sick after hearing that. Then things all started falling in place. In late january/early February, I found a receipt for room service from the Mariott in his hometown. I confronted him about it, and I believed the story he gave me. But, I told the OW's H about this, and he confronted his wife. She confirmed that she was there with him and there was more than friendly conversation going on. The whole affair started in early January, when she came with some friends to our vacation house in the mountains. They apparently hit it off, and ended up sleeping together while on that trip. Oh yes, I forgot to mention, she was only 22! UGH! He's 33.
She told her husband that they had met in a hotel one other occasion. This husband kept calling my H, and threatening to cut it out with her, or he was going to tell me. I am glad that I found out, or otherwise it could still be going on. It's been really hard for me. I keep blaming myself because I wasn't able to go up for that trip to our vacation house since I had to work and we're never allowed time off in January. I keep thinking that if I had been there, this would have never happened. Then I look at pictures of this girl on Facebook, and she is pretty, with a great body. I am pretty (hopefully that doesn't sound too conceited, but I do know that I'm not a dog) but I don't have the best body. I never got my body completely back after the baby. So, most of the time, my inner demons are telling me that I'm fat, ugly and worthless. That is another issue.
My problem now is that I just can't get over his indiscretion. I also don't feel that he is being completely open and honest with me. He blames it all on me that I have all these issues. I can't stand it anymore!
I was at work when I found out. I got a call in mid-March from a man that I didn't know and had never spoken with. He asked me some direct and pointed questions. then he dropped the bomb on me: his wife had been having an affair with my husband for the past 3 months. I was in utter shock. They live in different states, but she lives in his hometown, where his parents still live. He said that he had records of emails sent between the two of them, and she had a HUGE phone bill from text messages and phone calls. I felt completely sick after hearing that. Then things all started falling in place. In late january/early February, I found a receipt for room service from the Mariott in his hometown. I confronted him about it, and I believed the story he gave me. But, I told the OW's H about this, and he confronted his wife. She confirmed that she was there with him and there was more than friendly conversation going on. The whole affair started in early January, when she came with some friends to our vacation house in the mountains. They apparently hit it off, and ended up sleeping together while on that trip. Oh yes, I forgot to mention, she was only 22! UGH! He's 33.
She told her husband that they had met in a hotel one other occasion. This husband kept calling my H, and threatening to cut it out with her, or he was going to tell me. I am glad that I found out, or otherwise it could still be going on. It's been really hard for me. I keep blaming myself because I wasn't able to go up for that trip to our vacation house since I had to work and we're never allowed time off in January. I keep thinking that if I had been there, this would have never happened. Then I look at pictures of this girl on Facebook, and she is pretty, with a great body. I am pretty (hopefully that doesn't sound too conceited, but I do know that I'm not a dog) but I don't have the best body. I never got my body completely back after the baby. So, most of the time, my inner demons are telling me that I'm fat, ugly and worthless. That is another issue.
My problem now is that I just can't get over his indiscretion. I also don't feel that he is being completely open and honest with me. He blames it all on me that I have all these issues. I can't stand it anymore!
It's very interesting. Another good one is in the divorce after so years site here. There is an article on the top of the opening page. You can go to my profile to find the site.
You are not responsible because you had to work.
Actually, it might have been nice if he would have stayed home and had a nice dinner fixed for you when you got in from work. Or changed the plans until you could have gone.
He did what he did because he wanted to.
If you are going to stay with man you have got some toughening up to do. You will not take the blame for his mistake. You will not let your self esteem be beaten down until you are nothing. You are very beautiful and you will take care of yourself. In addition you have a warm heart and a giving spirit. No outside beauty or body can compare with that.
You will not let him ruin your health and emotional well being. Your child deserves the happy mommy she had always known. These are the things I wish I could have had someone lay down to me. Take care of yourself and remember there are people here to stand with you,
He says some really hurtful things to me, just to bring me down.
"Living with you is like living with a man"
"Have you just totally given up on the gym?"
"You will never be what I want you to be"
I think I could get past the A, but the comments directed at me just never stop. Additionally, I just can't get the OW out of my mind. I am always wondering what she's doing and if her life is as miserable as mine is now. It all just consumes me. But, deep down I know that if she (the OW) knew him as I know him, she'd have nothing do with him. If he were as mean to her as he is to me, she'd waste no time in getting far away from him.
What am I waiting on? I don't know. I just really love his family - I think they are so wonderful. I don't want to lose them. Maybe that is what I am afraid of. I don't know.
I disagree that he may be acting this way JUST because of the fog. No really, he may be an abuser and may stay that way for life. In any event, you dont need his shit. I say leave, get gone now.
My ex fiance was the sweetest person I knew for two years. Once he cheated on me, he became abusive and NEVER went back to "playing Mr. Nice" because thats what he was doing- PLAYING MR. NICE. Underneath, he was simply abusive.
its not YOUR fault that your husband cheated and its only going to hurt more to stick around and here more of his shit. Pack up and go. If you have that option, get out NOW and NEVER return until he is REALLY serious and stops his shit.
At one point, my H was being very mean and verbally abusive toward me. I left to go shopping, leaving my son with him (it broke my heart to do this as I didn't trust him not to do something to harm our child). While I was gone, my DS told him to never talk to mommy like that again. He told me that after I had come home and was reading his stories to him. That too broke my heart.
I know we're in a bad situation, but I don't know if I can make it financially with all of the family expenses right now. It's just depressing - all of it. But I'M the crazy one. Yeah, right.
I know how hard it is finically but it can be done because you are a strong person and you love your child. a
Any one who treats their child like a nauisance has some serious problems. I would be thinking about my options. His faimly may be wonderful now and hopefully they would support you through this but they could turn nasty have you talked to them yet?
You are in my prayers.
You are right - it could very easily go to physical. Last night he kicked a laundry basket across the room in a fit of anger against me. I told him that it was physical abuse - he said it wasn't and that I hadn't seen him mad. WHAT? He said that kicking the basket across the room was CONTROLLED! Yikes - I'm scared to see what out of control looks like...
Thanks tanjat. My H even said to me that I was "hotter than she was" but of course my self esteem and demon voice tells me that isn't the truth. She really does have a better body than I do. But, whatever, it is what it is. I am trying to accept that I may never have the "hard body" again. Oh well.
thanks again!
tanjat
Don't you even think of leaving - instead THROW HIM OUT. You have a child. He should go if he doesn't like it. If he won't go to court and get a court order making him leave. Don't take his put downs either. When he complains about the housework tell him if he doesn't like it he can do it himself. If he says you can never be what he wants you to be he can go find someone else then and so will you. Don't take this crap.