Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
My husband confessed to me last year that he had many years worth of very explicit lap dances (did almost everything but intercourse). We went to counseling, he seemed unrepentant, saying "it meant nothing to me, it should mean nothing to you". I went through the hysterical bonding phase, although he wasn't always agreeable, just wasn't in the mood. Now, after eleven months of me trying every which way to get true remorse out of him (he said he was sorry, period), he finally is doing some nice things for me...flowers, perfunctory kisses, etc. When we have sex, he many times wants to watch porn movie before. I think it is because he has developed an appetite for fit, young girls. We both are in our late 50's. Although I am still in good shape for my age. Lately, a change has come over me. I just don't care anymore. Is this normal? A sign we should separate? Have I just become numb to it all? I don't understand....
I think what you are feeling is normal. It sounds like you feel like you have been the only one trying to make the marriage work, and eventually that wears a person down. We pull away finally as a protective measure.
I don't know where you go from here. Can you start again in counseling given the very different place that you are in now? Do you think your husband would give it real effort if he knows how numb you feel? Is it worth it for you to try again?
One thing that separation does is give you distance where you aren't affected by the other person. Then its easier to examine what you really want. But there are many people who would argue against separation because it is just one step further out the door.
So, now answers here, just questions for you to consider.
I hope you find some peace.
We have been through 5 separations since last summer. I know he needs me in this marriage. We have been married over 30 years, but I just feel used up and washed out and no longer interested.
My ex and I separated and got back together three times in three years. This last time we did so much work to deal with the issues and to communicated better ... only to have her cheat.
I wish I had realized what the pattern of separation really meant and left the last time that she had checked out of the relationship. I now realize that the marriage was on life support those last three years and I just didn't want to admit it. Codependency issues here.
You may want to re-post your topic under Discussions rather than Advice. For some reason the way most people visit the Infidelity board, they don't see the red Advice posts.