I think you care but are trying to talk yourself into not caring to make it bearable for you.... My H said before the LTA he had 2 hookers, said it shouldn't matter, he just paid them 10.00 for bjs, and I shouldn't let it bother me so much - this at a MC session, I said ok then, give me 20.00, I'm gonna go find 2 strange men on the street that will give me oral for 10.00 a piece, that's ok with you right? It won't bother you will it??? He changed his tune after that.......
If something bothers you, it bothers you, tell him in no uncertain terms that what bothers you he has no say over and if it wouldn't bother HIM give him instances of what YOU could do and then would it be ok with him!? either way, if he says it shouldn't bother you, tell him you are telling him what you want and need and if he's not the man for it, he should plan on leaving, consult free lawyers, I went to 11 free consultations, and got the state divorce laws book and left them about, I meant business - and I made sure to try to take care of myself and my kids. You do the same. Don't live with this crap, you don't have to - you deserve to be happy before you die, we're about the same age, you're too young to live like this for the rest of your life!

So, you just don't care anymore. Or, maybe you are just tired and exhausted from beating your head against any and every wall.

You can only try so long and put up with shit so long - and then - you say Enough Already. 'I can only do so much but I can't keep trying enough for two.' You have been trying for a year? And now he does the flowers and the kisses. Now you say, 'So What?'

I have no idea if this is a sign that you should separate or end your marriage. Only you have that answer. But if you continue to not give a shit about 'well, NOW he can try,' you have your own answer and you have our support in any decision you make?

(I am just curious as to WHY NOW is he trying?)

L~

Ugh, no.

Divorce and separation should NEVER be taken lightly. Ever.

I'm not going to place a value judgement on his opinion of going to strip clubs, but I will say if you guys are still getting busy, it sounds like things are OK.

What is it you don't care about anymore? Him or his "activities"?

Why now is he trying? He went to a counselor once & said "my wife thinks I'm a narcisist" MC said "You need to validate her feelings & do nice things for her." By him telling me this, I think he thought he did it (what the MC recommended). He still hasn't done it. One day he said, "Tell me what I should do or say to make this all better." I said, "There's nothing more I can tell you. You simply don't get it." Ever since then, he has been doing little things, but things are just slipping back to their boring old ways. I am shocked that I just don't care. What do you think is happening here?

What prompted the confession in the first place? Were there suspicions on your part about him? Did he just out of the blue admit it? I think if that is the case he must have been carrying some heavy guilt around to come clean like that. Although he may be minimizing what he did (actual acts) and doing the little things for you to make a way for you to "get over it" and he doesn't have to put much effort in rehabilitation for himself.

As far as the not caring? You are numb. You are trying to block out the hurt and betrayal by feelings of indiffernce about it and about him. I went through that too. But you are going to have to deal with it one way or another just as he is going to have to deal with his actions for either of you to heal, reconcille fully or break up and be able to find a healthy relationship elsewhere.

e7705

I could of wrote most of what you said-minus the young girls and porn.

I bent over backwards for 18 months post affair-there wasn't anything I didn't do. I was working my tail off. He should of been the one working his butt off-I woke up one day and I didn't give a damn anymore - and I was done putting forth the effort. It was one sided - and I was DONE! I'm still with the H - I have a son who has one more year of high school-then I'm checking the hell out. Now he wants to put forth the effort- a little to late in my book.

Prayers for you!

You may remember me from before. You asked what prompted the confession? Well, after a whole year of me being sick with an autoimmune disease, and not initiating any sex (him either), I one day asked him why we weren't physical anymore? That is when he felt he had to tell me about getting the lap dances, because he got Peyronie's disease from them. (a bent penis from the girls grinding so hard on him that they caused scar tissue to form - the reason for the bent penis). Everything I have read about it says about 95% of the time, it is caused by rough intercourse, which he denies having. I was checked for STD's & am OK. My gut has always told me I did not get the full truth.

Pretty much what happened here too Mommy224. After several months of trying and him still up to the same crap I quit giving a damn. Now he uses that excuse to say he only saw me try for a little while and that was all, I gave up. WTF? How can one person do all the work of two when the one who is responsible for this mess continues to lie, cheat, and break your heart? That is the part he just doesn't get.