Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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Cali123 07/13/2009

OMG - I am so mad right now, I want to scream! My H is the one who had the affair. Now, his insecurity and abuse is really bothering me.

This time, I noticed that he cleared the Internet browsing history from our computer. He does this rather frequently. I discovered he was looking at internet porn again!! This is a new porn site that I found this time. I found this out b/c our IE version allows tabbed browsing, and it lists the most frequently visited websited. That was about #6 in the list. Grrr...

OK, whatever. Then last night, I was getting my son out of the bath and he asks me if I've ever met anyone from Indianapolis. I said no, not that I know of. Why do you ask? He said that he was just wondering. I thought it quite strange, but didn't think much else of it. I asked if he's met anyone from there, and he said that he had. I said ok, and dropped it. Then, just an hour ago, he sends me an email to my work account asking me who I know that would be calling me from a 317 area code! OMG -- he went through my cell phone! That insecure little shit! FYI -- the call from the 317 area code is from my personal health coach that calls me every 6 weeks to monitor health progress, fitness and nutrition goals.

I am at the very end of my rope!!! Now him on the other hand, he keeps his cell phone locked up tighter than Fort Knox and I am not allowed within a 3 foot radius of it. Who does he think he is!!! I am so ready to break something right now! UGH! So disgusted and ANGRY!

Cali123 07/13/2009

Not to mention, that every time I look at his stuff, I find some other evidence that he is still talking to her! I'm thinking of calling OW's husband just to tell him to be on the lookout for suspicious behavior. Although I know I shouldn't. He hasn't been anywhere near her since March... I know this b/c we live 2000 miles away. He's such an ass!

deleted_user 07/13/2009

I would make the call. Thats just me though.

Cali123 07/13/2009

I know I should. Every time I go through this, I second guess myself. OW's husband is an abusive asshole and I don't like knowing that I'm bringing the abuse on someone else. No one, not even this woman, deserves treatment like this. I know that MY abusive H tells me this to manipulate me into not saying anything because he knows that I don't want anyone to have to deal with this. (but in my H's mind, HE'S not the abusive one - I bring everything on)

deleted_user 07/13/2009

I'm sorry you're going through this :(

The one single thing that I learned here after D-Day was that if the betrayed WANTS to rebuild they will offer COMPLETE transparency.

That includes internet passwords, cell phone access/passwords etc etc.

If your H is not willing to let you within 3-feet of his cellphone, the only thing I can say is he IS still up to no good.

His accusations are HIM trying to shift blame to YOU! Do NOT allow that.

I would tell him that unless he does allow you to monitor his actions, that you WILL be contacting the OW and her H regarding the affair.

deleted_user 07/13/2009

Tell the husband. The chances are, your husband lied when he told you that he was abusive.

Can I just ask what you mean by abusive? I mean infidelity can be fixed..... abuse cannot. There's no point in staying. Its always going to be the same.

Lstecker 07/14/2009

Agree with Betrayed.

Sounds like you had some kind of agreement as to how to move forward after the affair and he is not living up to his end of it.

Why are you staying?

Hate to seem harsh, but he agreed and then dropped the old ball here - and started hinting that you might be screwing around?

I would tell him to go until he can get real. But hey, that's just me...

Take care.

deleted_user 07/14/2009

Why are you staying with him?

deleted_user 07/14/2009

NOW IF IT WERE ME..CAUSE OF ALL PEOPLE HERE I CAN SEE WHERE THIS WILL GO UNLESS YOU CUT THE SNAKE OFF AT THE NECK....TELL THAT BLEEPIN FOOL....DOn"T YOU DARE THROWS ACCUSATIONS AT ME TO HELP DELUDE WHAT STILL REAMAINS "FACT" WITH YOU!!!! MAKE SURE YOU LOOK THE PART...SORTA DERANGED..THAT WOULD GET HIS ATTENTION....BE FIRM AND CLEAR AND THEN WALK AWAY WITH THE SLAM OF THE DOOR...HE HAS GOT TO KNOW WHAT HE DID IS NOT GOING TO BE TAKEN LIGHTLY AND HIS ASS IS STILL AHEAD OF THE GAME CUZ HE'S STILL AROUND..IF YOU DON"T GET THE POWER UNDER YOUR BELT HONEY..HE'S ABOUT TO FLIP THINGS AROUND...I CAN SMELL IT THRU THE SCREEN..TRUST ME ON THIS....LET HIM NO RIGHT NOW AND GOING FORWARD...HE WILL NOT MAKE THIS ABOUT YOU..WHEN IT WAS ALL ABOUT 'HIM' THAT GOT YOU GUYS WHERE YOU ARE..SEE HOW HE HANDLES THAT.....BE STRONG GIRL AND PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN....YOU MAY HAVE DECIDED TO STAY BUT DON"T BE NO DAMN FOOL OR YOU WILL BE RIGHT BACK WHERE YOU WRE ON THE DAY YOU DISCOVERED WHO YOU WERE DEALING WITH.....MY PRAYERS HONEY....

deleted_user 07/14/2009

Also just an FYI that I learned from counseling...he's NOT DOING HIS PART...IF he wants to save the marriage..HE CAN"T HAVE ANY SECRETS...HE CAN"T BE ERASING CRAP..AND FURTHERMORE WHY WOULD HE HAVE TO ERASE INNOCENCE? YOUR HIS DAMN WIFE..SO NOW EXPLAIN TO ME AGAIN WHY YOU CAN"T TOUCH HIS PHONE.....SOORY HONEY..HE'S MANIPLATING YOU.....AND HE'S THE FREAKING LOUSE..NOT YOU...BUT THAT"S WHAT THEY DO....I SEE IT...HE KNOWS YOU DON"T...GET THAT DOG BACK ON A LEASH...AND THEN PUT HIS ASS IN A CHOKE HOLD....THESE MEN KILL ME.......

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