Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I have recently found out that my Husband was having his second affair in our 3 years of marriage, and am devastated to say the least. To give some background he is in a work industry where he takes wealthy foreigners on tours of our Country. These are often very private (2 or 3 people and often Fathers and Daughters etc). The first incident was a few months after we got married, he got close to a girl on his tour and they kept in touch after she left. The messages were very emotional and sexual but it didn't last long. I gave him a second chance and now we have a beautiful baby girl of nearly a year old and I really felt like the last year had been bliss and that our marriage was stronger than ever. About 3 weeks ago I found out that the same thing had happened on his most recent trip again. This time there was some messing around and kissing involved and they kept in contact afterwards, also sexual and emotional messages. He was telling her that she was his soulmate etc and the worst part is that this was going on while my Dad was dying of cancer. My husband was messaging the other woman while sitting in my familys home just after we had seen my Dad which to me is unforgivable. I confronted him and at first he denied it and then confessed and told me everything. He says he loves us and wants to work on our marriage But how do I move past this? Is it okay when it is just texting? I am fortunate that I have a very good job and can support myself and my daughter if I need too. But I cant stand the thought of raising her in a broken home, but I also dont want her to grow up and think this is okay.. Has anyone had any similar experience?
the home is broken now, the questions are
can you trust your H to fix himself?
will he try?
i believe ideally that people reconcile the marriage, leave no stone unturned to try such, that takes 2 people, you've done so yourself once before,
Given what you have written I would really question whether or not to remain in the marriage any longer. Two affairs in only three years of marriage - that is terrible. Those first years should be pretty good years! What happens when the marriage gets "old" and loses the freshness and newness. You know, 7-10 years in. He can't control himself and respect you now, it's likely to get worse later.
The nature of his job will continue providing him with temptation. That is not good.
He is not around 6 months out of the year and when he is around doesn't help much with your daughter.
It seems like he doesn't really want to be a husband, or a father.
You are in a tough spot, but it might be best to get out now before it drags on and gets worse.
Best wishes to you.
Please speak with someone you can trust about this unfaithful behavior to get some clarity. I realize it is heart-crushing and the idea of trusting him again is out of the question but you need to look at the situation logically and rationally. Right now, since you are in the thick of it, that is hard to do.
Get some perspective and then decide what to do.
You can support yourself and that is VERY GOOD. use this to your advantage.
What reason has he got to stop if you he doesn't face any negative reaction?
The more you allow someone to disrespect you, the more they will. You need to clearly state that you are not willing to accept this cheating behaviour any more. How many affairs will he have after 5 years, 10 years? How can you trust him?
he's enjoying his OW and will keep doing so, until you stamp your foot down or leave him.
I think it's time your husband got a taste of what life without you would be like. Have you considered separating, so he can work on himself an become a safe partner to you? Right now he just enjoys getting his ego strokes for the women.
As you can support yourself, you need to use this to your advantage.
There is a tool called the 180 used in infidelity. I really suggest you implement it. Here are some of the things I think will be good for you to start doing.
# Don't pursue reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.
# Don't follow her/him around the house.
# Don't encourage or initiate discussion about the future.
# Don't schedule dates together.
#. Don't keep saying, "I Love You!" Because he is at this particular moment, not very loveable.
#. Do more then act as if you are moving on with your life; begin moving on with your life
# Get busy, do things, go out with friends, enjoy old hobbies, find new ones! But stay busy!
#. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words. Don't push any issue? No matter how much you want to!
# If you're in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING. Seem totally uninterested.
# Your partner needs to believe that you have awakened to the fact that "they (the WS)" are serious concerning their assertions as to the future (or lack thee of) of your marriage. Thus, you are you are moving on with your life? with out them!
# Don't be nasty, angry or even cold - Just pull yourself back.
# Don't always be so available? for anything! Your spouse will
notice. More important, he/she will notice that you're missing.
# No matter what you are feeling , only show your spouse happiness and contentment? Make yourself be someone they would want to be around. Not a moody, needy, individual but a self assured individual secure in the knowledge that they have value.
# Do not allow yourself to lose your temper. No yelling, screaming or name calling EVER. No show of temper! Be cool, act cool; be in control of the only thing you can control? YOURSELF!
# Don't be overly enthusiastic.
#. Do not argue when they tell you how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger). In fact, refuse to argue at all!
# Learn to back off, keep your mouth shut and walk away when you want to speak out, no matter what the provocation. No one ever got themselves into trouble by just not saying anything.
# Take care of you. Exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil.
Know that if you can do this 180, your smallest CONSISTENT action will be noticed far more than any words you can say or write.
# Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are feeling totally desperate and needy.
# Do not believe any of what you hear them say and less than 50% of what you see. . Try to remember that they know what they are doing is wrong and so they will say anything they can to justify their behaviour.