it takes time, support and persistence and continually showing her, not telling her how you've recommitted to her. Note: saying you've committed or changed, suggests that you haven't, while showing you have, speaks volumes. Your indiscretions will take time for her to heal, but you need to heal as well

know that it isn't just grand gestures but also the small things that amount to great things. Take joy in an occasional smile, a touch, a look until trust is rebuilt. Small things could be as simple as kind words, a thank you, listening without judgement, doing something out of character, a hug, a compliment....

know that these are small actions, what you need to do is work through the issues that brought you to this place, as you each need to know it will not recur

Maybe stop thinking you have control over how quickly she gets over this. You are acting like this is a chess game and if you move around the pieces, you can win or get back to where you were before.

Understand this, your transgression is a horrible trust violation. Hearing you talk about it was more than opening the wound, it was probably personally devastating for her. In my opinion you phrasing your problem as needing help for your wife when what you really want is help for yourself to be forgiven is disingenuous. How can she trust you when you are playing mind games with yourself?

Get your head in the game. You prove loyalty by unlocking your phone every day when you come home from work, leaving your e-mail open on the desktop and keeping a strict schedule for a few months until she feels reasonably confident that you aren't doing anything stupid. Saying you love her all the time, walking around on eggshells and trying to curry favor with her will just seem like you're trying to be slick. Give her minute and don't leave yourself open to interpenetration.

You need to tell her why it happened and how. Then prove to her how you're doing everything you can to prevent it from occurring again.

And remember that you do not get to determine the pace of her recovery. You have to be patient and understand that she can take as long as she needs and ask the same questions over and over again in order to ensure there are no more secrets.

Good luck to you guys during this painful time.

Read this book. "Leave a cheater, get a life". If after reading it you don't understand what your wife is going through you are hopeless. It is good you are in the game. But she is at the point where she does not know what is real, what was real and she has to get to know you all over again.
Read the book!! Trusting a cheater is not an easy task and you can't put time to it. Like the book says she will heal on Tuesday, any given Tuesday could be this one or the next... she needs so much that you can imagine. She was not hurt, she was destroyed.

You appear to be asking the right question about how to help. That's a start. As you walk this with her, she needs reassurance of her true value in your life. You only saying "I love you" is done. You destroyed everything she knew. Everything. She will question everything about you, your marriage, your gifts, your phone, your work friends, her place in the world, her judgment, everything. There will not be one part of her life that will be unexamined. She needs you to be the man she thought you were. Yes, if she wants to repair her marriage to you, you must be more than the boy who lied and ,cheated and stole from her.

Trust is earned. You have negative points. Be ever thankful you're not living in a hotel.

And make damn sure you remember her birthday, your winter holiday (eg Christmas) Valentine's Day, random day in June to buy her something --not necessarily extravagant but from the heart. A funny card and a piece of favorite candy on a random Wednesday will rebuild her belief that you chose her because she's your girl rather than affirming her fear that youve stayed with your second choice.

Be humble. Be caring. Shut your damn mouth about your perceived flaws of she and your marriage. Use the counseling to communicate. You can be the man she thought you were--now earn it.

Thank you all very much. I'm liking this page more everyday. @findingmywaytome thank you very much. Your reply is very inspiring to me. I'm doing all the things I've been asked from her and everything the counselor has asked as well. I'm also hitting individual counseling hard to deal with the demons of my own.

I cheated on my husband two weeks ago, and we're in the middle of the messy too. Im trying to be 100% honest, but explaining and giving details is just making things worse. I don't really have any answers except that if she is committed to staying with you, you'll have to trust that time and your consistent faithfulness will help her heal. That's what I'm hoping, praying for my husband. That by giving him time and proving that I'm changing that he will be able to trust me again.

Aside from full disclosure, ongoing honesty, changing your view on life, and doing everything you can to help her heal and feel safe for the rest of her life, I would say do not have any expectations or timeframes. Be content with the scraps she throws you, and understand you are not entitled to anything from her except divorce.

She may or may not forgive you...
She may or may not want to reconcile with you...
She may or may not leave you at some point...

If you are truly committed to loving her now, then this will all be acceptable to you. If not, then you have to ask yourself if you are capable of loving her.

Time give her time and your patience. This van take years to regain trust. Be an open book. As in where you are wheb and with who. Sent pictures of where you are also if she doesn't ask for it. Give her all ur passwords.
You telling the story and opening wounds yes that happens. But the story need to be told for her to move on. Of course it hurts for her. But the only way for her to trust you eventually again is if she feels she knows all of the truth so no "truth-trickling" dont think that u better hide a fact bevayse it would be to painfull. She needs to know all the truth right now. And answer every question she has after truthfully. Tgats a good start. Good on you for asking advice. She needs ur help to get through this together. I received a good article to read for the cheating spouse from someone on here. If u want it sent me a message I can email it to you. Affairrecovery.com is also a site with lots of good tips and advice in the blogs. Good luck to you both it's gonna be a long rocky road but worth it

Thank you for being an amazing human. Truly. Keep communication open, and ask her what you can do. Do it, and more. And Godspeed to the healing; if anyone can make it work in that situation, it will be you two.