Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
My husband posted sex pictures on a website five years ago in the attempt to find an anonymous "swinging" couple. We weren't identifiable in the pictures, but he did it without my knowledge or consent. When I confronted him about it he claimed that he was just so "messed up in the head" that I couldn't understand (he's bi-polar). When our baby was about 6 months old he started having an emotional affair, and some "touching" (not sure what it was) with an employee. When I found out about it his whole thing was again..."I'm so messed up in the head, I didn't really know what I was doing." Then he added to it that I wasn't having sex with him often enough (and I really wasn't having sex very often...I had/have depression, I had severe post-partum depression, I gained 25 lbs that I can't seem to loose, and just generally hated myself) ..so ok, I was only having sex with him about once a month. He then said, "What was I supposed to do?" (He was keeping track of every sexual type encounter, or sex that we had so he knew exactly how often.)
Ok, now after therapy and prayer and stuff I still can't forgive him. I'm just waiting for something to happen again. I don't want to have sex with him anymore...but I am, just in hopes of keeping him faithful. I feel ugly, useless and used. I just turned 45 (yes we had a late life baby) ...he forgot my birthday...our anniversary is on Valentine's and he's wanting to go to FL on a business trip the day after. I'm freaking out. I need help. Do I forgive him and get past it, and let him go on the trip without me or do I go with him?
Ok, now after therapy and prayer and stuff I still can't forgive him. I'm just waiting for something to happen again. I don't want to have sex with him anymore...but I am, just in hopes of keeping him faithful. I feel ugly, useless and used. I just turned 45 (yes we had a late life baby) ...he forgot my birthday...our anniversary is on Valentine's and he's wanting to go to FL on a business trip the day after. I'm freaking out. I need help. Do I forgive him and get past it, and let him go on the trip without me or do I go with him?
If he has strong bipolar episodes, and he is not medicated and taking care of himself by seeing his doctors regularly, no amount amount of work that YOU do will matter. He will continue to act out while he is manic or depressive.
First let me say I am very sorry for your pain. Being cheated on sucks so bad. It destroys so much. Your sense of safety. Your ability to trust. It just sucks.
There are a wide variety of excuses why cheaters cheat. None of them give the betrayed person any comfort.
When it comes to someone having a disorder like Bipolar, it makes it that much harder in my opinion. (My ex-wife is bipolar, and cheated.) It makes it harder in a way because they are sick, and it is hard to decide they were just monsters, or if it is the result of their disorder.
What a person with a disorder has a responsibility to do is to manage their disorder as best they can so they and their loved ones can live a good life.
Based on everything you have written, your husband is not managing his disorder and it is destroying your relationship. Because he is not managing his disorder, he has left himself open to mania and depression, and in his episodes he is allowing himself to engage in risky behaviors that lead to financial problems and cheating.
In your position, I would tell my husband (when he is at a balanced point) that the only way you can stay in the marriage is if he goes to the VA, gets his meds adjusted, and start getting counseling on how to deal with his urges while in an episode.
There is a very active Bipolar community here. They are not friendly (generally) to spouses. But reading a few days of posts may be eye opening as to how common the risky behaviors are. there is also a Friends and Family of Bipolar group here where you can post and read advice.
First let me say I am very sorry for your pain. Being cheated on sucks so bad. It destroys so much. Your sense of safety. Your ability to trust. It just sucks.
There are a wide variety of excuses why cheaters cheat. None of them give the betrayed person any comfort.
When it comes to someone having a disorder like Bipolar, it makes it that much harder in my opinion. (My ex-wife is bipolar, and cheated.) It makes it harder in a way because they are sick, and it is hard to decide they were just monsters, or if it is the result of their disorder.
What a person with a disorder has a responsibility to do is to manage their disorder as best they can so they and their loved ones can live a good life.
Based on everything you have written, your husband is not managing his disorder and it is destroying your relationship. Because he is not managing his disorder, he has left himself open to mania and depression, and in his episodes he is allowing himself to engage in risky behaviors that lead to financial problems and cheating.
In your position, I would tell my husband (when he is at a balanced point) that the only way you can stay in the marriage is if he goes to the VA, gets his meds adjusted, and start getting counseling on how to deal with his urges while in an episode.
There is a very active Bipolar community here. They are not friendly (generally) to spouses. But reading a few days of posts may be eye opening as to how common the risky behaviors are. there is also a Friends and Family of Bipolar group here where you can post and read advice.
First let me say I am very sorry for your pain. Being cheated on sucks so bad. It destroys so much. Your sense of safety. Your ability to trust. It just sucks.
There are a wide variety of excuses why cheaters cheat. None of them give the betrayed person any comfort.
When it comes to someone having a disorder like Bipolar, it makes it that much harder in my opinion. (My ex-wife is bipolar, and cheated.) It makes it harder in a way because they are sick, and it is hard to decide they were just monsters, or if it is the result of their disorder.
What a person with a disorder has a responsibility to do is to manage their disorder as best they can so they and their loved ones can live a good life.
Based on everything you have written, your husband is not managing his disorder and it is destroying your relationship. Because he is not managing his disorder, he has left himself open to mania and depression, and in his episodes he is allowing himself to engage in risky behaviors that lead to financial problems and cheating.
In your position, I would tell my husband (when he is at a balanced point) that the only way you can stay in the marriage is if he goes to the VA, gets his meds adjusted, and start getting counseling on how to deal with his urges while in an episode.
There is a very active Bipolar community here. They are not friendly (generally) to spouses. But reading a few days of posts may be eye opening as to how common the risky behaviors are. there is also a Friends and Family of Bipolar group here where you can post and read advice.
First let me say I am very sorry for your pain. Being cheated on sucks so bad. It destroys so much. Your sense of safety. Your ability to trust. It just sucks.
There are a wide variety of excuses why cheaters cheat. None of them give the betrayed person any comfort.
When it comes to someone having a disorder like Bipolar, it makes it that much harder in my opinion. (My ex-wife is bipolar, and cheated.) It makes it harder in a way because they are sick, and it is hard to decide they were just monsters, or if it is the result of their disorder.
What a person with a disorder has a responsibility to do is to manage their disorder as best they can so they and their loved ones can live a good life.
Based on everything you have written, your husband is not managing his disorder and it is destroying your relationship. Because he is not managing his disorder, he has left himself open to mania and depression, and in his episodes he is allowing himself to engage in risky behaviors that lead to financial problems and cheating.
In your position, I would tell my husband (when he is at a balanced point) that the only way you can stay in the marriage is if he goes to the VA, gets his meds adjusted, and start getting counseling on how to deal with his urges while in an episode.
There is a very active Bipolar community here. They are not friendly (generally) to spouses. But reading a few days of posts may be eye opening as to how common the risky behaviors are. there is also a Friends and Family of Bipolar group here where you can post and read advice.
*HUGS*