Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
It seems to me a lot of us 'newbes' are in the stage of collecting proof and more proof.
Some of us need it to confront, some to realize the extent of the deception, but proof is important...
I am hoping to start a discussion on how to go about this.
Can you post what you found and how, or any ways you know to gather proof?
I found the e-mail to be a very useful tool, if you can access e-mail you can gain access to many sites, do the 'forgot password' routine on a site, you will receive the password in the CS e-mail (be sure to delete it and empty trash) using the e-mail you can fish sites to see if the CS has a profile, enter the e-mail and forgot password routine, if the CS is on the site you will get a password e-mail. Be sure to be careful about 'reset password' as then the password changes and they will know you snooped (save those for right before confrontation or when it no longer matters if they know)
I just noticed in the hotmail acct, click options at top right, then safe and blocked senders, safe senders gives a list of domains that the CS receives e-mail from ie plentyoffish.com myspace.com, lavalife.com... this will give you an idea where to fish for passwords...
The e-mail can also help to get detailed cell phone records online...ie, bell mobility , go to the website user login, fish for a password, if there is not one you may be able to get a profile set up online then access the online bill. The paper bill i was seeing had no details, I did the password fishing and got into the online bill. Every detail is there including texting times and phone browser (web) times and numbers dialed and when, there I can go as far as to see calls that happened just last night.
I know some people fresh here would probably really like some help figuring out how much of the past is lies and deception. I know I would.
If we can band together and help each other find what we need to know , we may be able to save time and pain.
It will help some who are stuck in limbo see things a little clearer...
So...
Proof, how can it be found?
( Also proof takes many forms...
A thought hit me last night, my CS stopped in mid stroke to ask her what was wrong, she had suspicions he was not single, he came clean and told her about me. I still have to drill and have undeniable evidence before he admits shit to me. He asks me what is wrong and I say I cant stop thinkin of her, starts a fight not a come clean session...Proof to me (as silly as it may be) her feelings and honesty with her, mean more to him than me...)
Some of us need it to confront, some to realize the extent of the deception, but proof is important...
I am hoping to start a discussion on how to go about this.
Can you post what you found and how, or any ways you know to gather proof?
I found the e-mail to be a very useful tool, if you can access e-mail you can gain access to many sites, do the 'forgot password' routine on a site, you will receive the password in the CS e-mail (be sure to delete it and empty trash) using the e-mail you can fish sites to see if the CS has a profile, enter the e-mail and forgot password routine, if the CS is on the site you will get a password e-mail. Be sure to be careful about 'reset password' as then the password changes and they will know you snooped (save those for right before confrontation or when it no longer matters if they know)
I just noticed in the hotmail acct, click options at top right, then safe and blocked senders, safe senders gives a list of domains that the CS receives e-mail from ie plentyoffish.com myspace.com, lavalife.com... this will give you an idea where to fish for passwords...
The e-mail can also help to get detailed cell phone records online...ie, bell mobility , go to the website user login, fish for a password, if there is not one you may be able to get a profile set up online then access the online bill. The paper bill i was seeing had no details, I did the password fishing and got into the online bill. Every detail is there including texting times and phone browser (web) times and numbers dialed and when, there I can go as far as to see calls that happened just last night.
I know some people fresh here would probably really like some help figuring out how much of the past is lies and deception. I know I would.
If we can band together and help each other find what we need to know , we may be able to save time and pain.
It will help some who are stuck in limbo see things a little clearer...
So...
Proof, how can it be found?
( Also proof takes many forms...
A thought hit me last night, my CS stopped in mid stroke to ask her what was wrong, she had suspicions he was not single, he came clean and told her about me. I still have to drill and have undeniable evidence before he admits shit to me. He asks me what is wrong and I say I cant stop thinkin of her, starts a fight not a come clean session...Proof to me (as silly as it may be) her feelings and honesty with her, mean more to him than me...)
look for receipts
plant a gps in the car, a keylogger onto the computer and a voice-activated digital recorder either in the car or a home office that they frequent a lot.
There are ways to crack bberrys and recover permanently deleted emails as well.
That is where I would start.
Spokeo.com 3 month plan cheap. Can look up anyones email address and find their photo albums online, FB, MYspace, etc. However, a mass post on FB I read told everyone to go to Spokeo and opt out for publishing their email info. Damn!
A cheater is just like any other criminal. Eventually they slip up and get caught one way or another.
Yes, it's hard to keep your mouth shut....but it's the best advice I can give you. Look to find until you have the proof you need to make the big decision you'll have to make.
Good Luck
M
I downloaded some software to look for deleted pictures on my wife's camera after I discovered through phone records that she spent a weekend at the Jersey Shore while I was out of town. She had lied to me and told me she was too busy to come with me to her mother's birthday!
I found pictures of my wife kissing another man. At that point, I left her. I wish that I had found out some other way. I will never get those images out of my head. After I found the photos - she confessed to the affair.
I did a lot of looking at email accounts. My wife had a gmail account so I was able to look at her browsing history. She had explanations for everything when I confronted her about them - until I found the photos.
Still not sure which is worse - not knowing, or knowing too much. I think with time I will come to terms with the images I have seen and know that it is better to know for sure than to wonder forever.
Basically it kills me that she lied for months and couldn't ever be honest with me. If she had - we would still be getting divorced, but I might be able to trust women again.
Voice activated recorder in the house to hear conversations that take place when you are not there (just don't ever tell him you recorded him because it is illegal).
Keylogger on the computer that will run in stealth mode so he cannot detect it. It will record all IDs, passwords, websites visited, emails, chats, keystrokes, etc.
Tell him you are going out for a few hours to run errands and then sit down the street and see if anyone comes or goes, or if he leaves. If someone shows up, wait a while and then go back in the house to see what is going on. If he leaves, follow him to see where he goes.
Get a nanny cam and hide it to record what goes on when you are not there.
I also found that webcaches of internet history, emails, bank statements and cell phone statements had a ton of incriminating information. Also, check your junkmail. Out of nowhere, my husband started getting coupons for proflowers.com in the mail...that clued me in to check his bank statements where I found monthly $90 charges for flower delivery (he never got me any).
I used one yesterday cause i knew he would be home with his buddies when i wasnt here!
Heard alot i didn't want to...
learned alot...
but hey I was prepared for it when I set it up (sorta, still made me cry alot)...
amazing what someone who claims to love you will say when you are not around and they think you cant hear, amazing how a mutual friend will tell you how he wants the 2 of you to work things out cause you are so good together, but then when you are not around talk about the pic of some chick he sent your guy, and your guy saying he liked what he saw and...anyways all that would be another thread...sorry started to ramble, still chewing on what i heard...sorry
anyways ...
yeah- voice recorder, but be ready to hear alot, and it may be an eyeopener!
speaking of...the few bits of actual evidence were of course what pierced my veil of denial and gave me the opening, but the most imprtant info i got was form the htings he said and how and when he said them and what he did after i found out...not the gory details i dredged up...it is more important how they act now that you know and what they are willing to do about it and if they are remorseful than hwat they actually did or what you can prove....of course all you need to get a divorce now in court is the evidence of them on one of those websites...case closed..intent to have sex or be unfaithful is the same as being unfaithful...at least in new york state.... also tho if you slepp with them after you find outthe state considers that constructive forgiveness...so be careful ladies..any of us can and most of us will end in divorce..so protect yourself...save the evidence...helps in therapy to put it in their face too so they can't lie about what they did...don't let them clean the pc without printing out stuff and keep evidence somewhere and if they know yoiu have it make sure they know other people know about it...this can get dangerous...plenty of dead wives misiing on cnn all the time....no need to endanger yourself...take care of you!