Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I took a class at work recently, and during it we watched a video about how drastic "change'' affect humans in the workplace. Well, it really resonated with me in terms of everything I have gone through after D-Day last year, that I wanted to share what I learned with everyone here.
First, change affects people in five stages: 1.) shock (or denial); 2.) emotion (anger); 3.) bargaining; 4.) grief; and 5) Acceptance. The entire process averages a year and a half (to complete) in the workplace, and of course, this is true for change in our personal lives,
The video moderator said if acceptance is not achieved by 2 years, burnout and guilt can lead to illness and/or chronic depression. So, this is serious, people!
This guy said illness and depression are bound to happen when we get stuck in any of the five stages. Can I get a witness?
He also said that the hardest stage to overcome is depression, and that it can be recognized by a flat affect some people have. However, he noted that we can also go back and forth between stages in this experience.
He advised that people undergoing change should allow themselves to feel every emotion that surfaces, and recognize those feelings as normal, because doing so will help us get "through'' (key word) this. He said all change produces fear of the unknown (oh yeah,) and that people experiencing change SHOULD want their questions answered -- even if it's not what they want to hear.
He explained that when management keeps info from employees it causes paranoia. Sound familiar? And he said that when we get no answers, we go away and make up our own stories. Yeah, that did it for me.
So, we're perfectly normal asking our SOs about details of their EMAs. And of course, when they clam up our perception is distorted. Why wouldn't it be? Not a good feeling!
He said that when management (think SO) lies, we never trust them again. We have a NEED for familiarity because it symbolizes security. What it was like before D-Day.
His advice? Create your familiarity. This is what you will have to hold onto to believe that some things will last. This need, he explained, is "normal and necessary. We must build a new support system (family, friends and of course, DS!!!) because that's what will get us "through'' our experience.
In this phase of healing, we sometimes don't make the most healthy choices of friends to lean on. So, he advises making a checklist of healthy characteristics we want in our new support system of friends.
His next recommendation? Take care of yourself physically, because "change'' stresses the body out.
In addition, he said we should be aware of any pain, our breathing patterns, eating pace (too fast, too slow or not at all) our sleeping patterns (so tired we can't rest.) Any medical conditions should be handled by a physician. But do everything that you can to avoid needing medical attention and/or meds.
Once we realize that we're not "crazy'' and allow ourselves to to "through'' these stages, then we can think clearly and make plans that are in our best interest.
Just wanted to share this with all of you. We are NOT alone! And despite what our SOs might want us to believe, we're definitely NOT crazy!!!
Hope this helps somebody. It really helped me.
First, change affects people in five stages: 1.) shock (or denial); 2.) emotion (anger); 3.) bargaining; 4.) grief; and 5) Acceptance. The entire process averages a year and a half (to complete) in the workplace, and of course, this is true for change in our personal lives,
The video moderator said if acceptance is not achieved by 2 years, burnout and guilt can lead to illness and/or chronic depression. So, this is serious, people!
This guy said illness and depression are bound to happen when we get stuck in any of the five stages. Can I get a witness?
He also said that the hardest stage to overcome is depression, and that it can be recognized by a flat affect some people have. However, he noted that we can also go back and forth between stages in this experience.
He advised that people undergoing change should allow themselves to feel every emotion that surfaces, and recognize those feelings as normal, because doing so will help us get "through'' (key word) this. He said all change produces fear of the unknown (oh yeah,) and that people experiencing change SHOULD want their questions answered -- even if it's not what they want to hear.
He explained that when management keeps info from employees it causes paranoia. Sound familiar? And he said that when we get no answers, we go away and make up our own stories. Yeah, that did it for me.
So, we're perfectly normal asking our SOs about details of their EMAs. And of course, when they clam up our perception is distorted. Why wouldn't it be? Not a good feeling!
He said that when management (think SO) lies, we never trust them again. We have a NEED for familiarity because it symbolizes security. What it was like before D-Day.
His advice? Create your familiarity. This is what you will have to hold onto to believe that some things will last. This need, he explained, is "normal and necessary. We must build a new support system (family, friends and of course, DS!!!) because that's what will get us "through'' our experience.
In this phase of healing, we sometimes don't make the most healthy choices of friends to lean on. So, he advises making a checklist of healthy characteristics we want in our new support system of friends.
His next recommendation? Take care of yourself physically, because "change'' stresses the body out.
In addition, he said we should be aware of any pain, our breathing patterns, eating pace (too fast, too slow or not at all) our sleeping patterns (so tired we can't rest.) Any medical conditions should be handled by a physician. But do everything that you can to avoid needing medical attention and/or meds.
Once we realize that we're not "crazy'' and allow ourselves to to "through'' these stages, then we can think clearly and make plans that are in our best interest.
Just wanted to share this with all of you. We are NOT alone! And despite what our SOs might want us to believe, we're definitely NOT crazy!!!
Hope this helps somebody. It really helped me.
I do disagree with one point though. The advice to avoid taking meds part. It was while into the post-Dday time (3-4 months) that I went on Lexapro. I do not regret it at all. Did I allow myself to FEEL all the emotions?...Heck yes. Still do. But I knew for me I needed something to help me progress and not get stuck.
I can obsess and I didn't want to stay there. It wasn't healthy for me to imagine the OW and my H together. I can't change what happened. I am starting to let it go, but this has taken time and yes, meds.
This is good stuff any how. Thanks for sharing it Hmph!
I got stuck in anger. Very tough for me. Only to remember that anger is just a cover emotion. It 'covers' everything. It's easy to say, 'Yeah, I am so pissed!' rather than saying 'I am hurt...or scared..or whatever...'
Yup, there was the depression too.
Wow, what a great post! I had read texts on this stuff but never related it to my personal life. You done well!
Thanks for sharing this! L~