My Hubby's A was in 2008, I sorta figured he was having an A, too many signs. thanksgiving day 2008, I left him. after about 5 days, went back home. been working on our relationship since. its been ups and downs. really hard to trust him again. last year went to see a therapist for ME. I need peace in my mind. Was sick of being jealous, driving my self nuts. Its really hard to trust someone again.........

I went back, or rather allowed him back due to his illness, I felt sorry for him , when he returned to my home indicating he felt like dying, and how he wanted to die here if it were to happen. ( manipulation). I had put him out 7 months previously for having an affair on line. When he returned I truly tired to make it work, and for a brief time it did. He never coped to the fact of the relationship, and neither did she. I hate cowards! However the relationship had been damaged.

I had a set of issues for which were unresolved, and trust was at an all time low. I did not trust myself, nor him.( i had not cheated as of yet) My inability to care for him in a manner for which love overruled left. I was just going through the motions. making it appear all was well, when actually it had dissolved long before i left. but i kept trying to save face, and holding on to what was gone years ago.
Fantasy and denial are harmful yet alluring for individuals like me. The fantasy of completeness come from self in order to complete a relationship. I must be spiritually, emotionally, and physically fit in order to have this completeness. It can not come from a relationship. Denial is where I go when I realize my fantasy takes work..followed by quick justification and rationalization....

We got back together after just a few days, but the severity of his A was minor compared to most of your storiesI feel like a pot smoker in a room full of people trying to beat heroin & crack addictions at an NA meeting. Sometimes I think I should have waited longer, but I was afraid that he would change his mind if he thought about it more. It is easier to decide to split up after all vs. trying to get someone back after a long separation or divorce, was my reasoning. That was a year ago. I still struggle with it (obviously since Im back on this forum again after a 3 month hiatus), and spend a lot of time convincing myself that I made the right decision. Our relationship is much better now & I know he isnt doing anything behind my back, but it is just my inability to forgive & forget that keeps me from taking in all of the good things and being truly happy.