Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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crazymoon5150 03/20/2008

After everything is said and done and you decide to work it out, or work through it, how do you start trusting again, everytime they walk out the door, or their cell phone rings, I mean we have somewhat restored our intimacy ,but It's just different, everything is different, I read somewhere that your old life and marriage is pretty much dead and gone, like I told my H, Im different your different now everything is just different now ,'Hes like 'What do yo mean ?"He seemed upset about it, it's like we are starting all over again, I want to be able to trust him again, how do you do that ? its like a vicious circle, IM always waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me again, everything is going good then bam, another skeleton pops out of nowhere, It'so nly been a month since he told me about the OW from the bar , I know it takes time, ........

reil64 03/20/2008

I know how you feel.

I am trying to figure out the same thing. When trust is broken it's hard to get back.

Our MC says the benifit of the doubt, but that is easier said than done.

Reil

deleted_user 03/20/2008

I personally think 100% trust can ever be achevied again.

deleted_user 03/20/2008

i totally sympathize with you.. i am trying so hard to trust my hubby but every time i see a number on his cell that i don't recognize i flip.. sometimes i feel like a crazy stalker.. i just want things to go back to the way they were, and it saddens me to know that i will never be able to.. the one person in the world i thought i could trust has hurt me deeper than anyone else ever has... somehow i feel like it's my fault, even though i know it's not.. we all just have to work through it i guess, good luck, i am here if you need me.

deleted_user 03/20/2008

Trust is hard to rebuild once it's been shattered. I hear time heals all wounds, but I don't believe it. Complete honesty is the only way to rebuild trust that I know of.

pianogirl 03/21/2008

This is a tough one. I think everyone handles it differently, but for me, it's going to require transparancy and boundaries, and lots of time. I also agree your level of trust will never be what it was, but maybe that's a good thing. We were all too blindly trusting before we were blind sided. We won't let that happen again.

deleted_user 03/21/2008

I will never unconditionally trust my H again. Unfortunately for him those days of "do whatever you want and I won't question it" are over and he knows it.

Only time will tell whether or not he will be able to withstand being on a short leash with me and not having the freedom he once had. If he can't so be it, he made that bed and he will have to decide if he can sleep in it, but that is what I need and I will accept no less.

deleted_user 03/21/2008

" I personally think 100% trust can ever be achieved again. "

worth repeating

crazymoon5150 03/21/2008

Annalobde.... I know what yo mean by crazystalker hell I found myself calling every number on his cell and scratching them off my list, even leaving voicemails either on his friends or families anwering machines and voicemails, "Are you in th habit of hitting on or picking up married men " Lets just say I got some interesting replys one from my father in law who flipped out nad called his son my H and ripped him apart, well I would get her one way or the other I do have the OW phone number she just won't talk to me, she did once but not now .

humbledvirginian 03/21/2008

paranoia is part of the stupid aftermath!it has been 14 months for me and I am not as paranoid as I was at the beginning but I can say it has lessened.TRUST is some thing we all take for granted until we lose it.Especially with someone we love.I agree that I do not think you can ever achieve 100% trust again,but I hope we can get pretty darn close.I Beleive it is part of us that does not want to let our guard down and let something this horrifc happen to us again.Self preservation is an inherent human trait.

deleted_user 03/21/2008

I'm restoring the trust....

--trust that if she ever does this again, I'll leave for good.

--trust that while it may sadden me with what she has done, I won't let it ruin my life.

--trust that God is always going to be there for me no matter what.

As for trusting her?...yes but never completely. She broke that vow when I thought she wasn't capable of it....now that I know she is capable of it, trust is just something I'll ever be able to restore completely anymore. The main thing for me is that I trust myself that I'll just walk out that door if it ever happens again.....not looking back...with no regrets. I've upheld my end...and have given her another shot. I hope she doesn't waste it.

somefool 03/21/2008

From many years experience, no the trust is just no longer even an option. You will always wonder. This is something you have to decide if you can live with. Best of luck.

deleted_user 03/21/2008

I'm 3 months into knowing. I don't trust my H anymore, and I don't think I ever will. I do not look through his things, I don't call him all the time, and I don't ask him where he's been. I decided, that if I am going to work through this, that I will not live my life wondering what he is doing, and who he is with. I can honestly say there are days that I wonder, but i really try to change what I am thinking about, and put the focus back on me. My H has fear, because he knows, if he ever cheats on me again, I will divorce him. I have the power now, and I will never let that go again. I don't think we can ever trust completely again. I think we can stop focusing on them, focus on ourselves, and make our expectations of them higher. My H has turned around, he does so much for me now, and I expect it, because of what he has put me through. If you stay, then make it about you, and get the real spouse you want and need!!

deleted_user 03/21/2008

I'm agreeing with cowboygr2, You have to do some things for yourself, be a strong person and know no matter what you will never be made a fool of again, you will never tolerate such selfishness and be betrayed the way you have. Trust takes time, you are different and your marriage will be forever different but hopefully the two of you can learn and grow from it and become a stronger couple. I do trust my husband, not totally, I don't think I ever will but I check his phone if there is anything suspicious I ask and he will say that I am just looking for him to fail and I say no I am looking for you to succeed in making this marriage work, I just need proof that you are trying and I don't ever want any doubts in my mind. If there are then I will question him. Hang in there, time will make things better.

deleted_user 03/21/2008

Everything is different. I don't believe that you can ever get the trust back. I know I won't ever be able to fully trust my husband anymore.
I will love him, but I'll never trust him like I did before.
I can trust that he would take care of me if I become sick, and I can trust that he will never leave me, but I'll never trust him completely. That part of our marriage is gone.
He is different, I'm different, so it is like another marriage. For me, it's like being married to someone that looks like him, but it isn't really him anymore.

deleted_user 03/21/2008

First of all we are all individuals with pasts that we bring to our marriage.
But my thought about trust since my H had an affair is that you never REALLY know someone, even your spouse.You cannot know what goes on in their mind.So you have to decide if they have done enough to merit your believing in them.It is a choice you make based on your history and circumstances with that person. That is why they call it TRUST.

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