When I figure that out, I'll let you know, lol. Seriously, here are 2 things that I realize. 1. I trust my gut if nothing else. When my H had his A, my gut was screaming at me, but I decided to believe my H's lies over my gut...no more! That is sad to me, because I thought my H would and could never do what he did...then I learned what a flawed human he really is.2. I don't have control over what my H or anyone else does; I can only control myself and be true to myself. I made it abundantly clear that there will never be another dday allowed and if there is, our marriage is over. No second chances. I believe my H is remorseful and loves me and never wants to lose me, but I can't control that. Trust? He hasn't completely earned that back yet. I'm not sure when and how he will, all I know is that he better keep trying. I know, I didn't answer your question. Basically, I'm secure enough with myself to know that I can live with that uncertainty because I do love my H so much. I also know that I'm strong and I'll be ok no matter the outcome.

We can only trust our gut, for sure. Like everyone here, I blindly trusted before the shit hit the fan (sorry for language, but I'm having a relapse today), but I will no more, no more, no more.

I am in my mid 50's having been down the road of being cheated on, lied to and beat on with previous boyfriends and an ex. This marriage of 5 years, 6 1/2 together altogether I made sure I was marrying a man that wouldn't put me through that...or so I thought. Since his job before and after we were together was working around alot of women, I again assumed since we were married he act as such and not be the helper of a poor female as before. Women used to give him cards, ect for his helping them or fixing something for him. He made mention many times he is a man of few words, so I didn't expect a lot of conversations.

I trusted him, I called to see how his day was going, got short answers, he was busy. Had a nice meal waiting on him, if he didn't have a spare sentence for hours for me then I left him alone. Fixed his lunch, ran his errands, all of it. I did everything I could to make sure he was comfortable and happy.

He stood firm in his telling me he had nothing to do with her physically but the 800 text messages, coffee breaks together, money to help her out, nice letters back and forth complimenting her and he thought I would accept his I'm sorry, I want our life back, or me as I was before. He had very little to explain about it, past is past he said. Trust?? Not an option. I trusted when he went to work, came home texting her behind my back, while at the same time acting like I was wasting his time.

He actually expected me to just fall back into the life we had before DD because he said he was sorry. Whether or not it was physical, doesn't matter to me. I was put aside for another woman because she had no friends to talk to, and all the other excuses he came up with. When I was as good as I could have been to him and he knowingly lied for months for his gain, I am unable to trust or not sure if I ever will trust him again. Does that give him the freedom to do as he did before thinking I would never find out as he did the last time?

B4 I found out for sure abt the OW BF told me he was hurt b/c I didn't trust him. He even called me and told me good night and that he loved me. I texted and called him the whole night and got a text from him the next morning again asking for trust but the next day I found out she was in his hotel room the night i was trying to get ahold of him... I am just so hurt and feel like my heart has been torn out of my chest. I don't think I can ever trust a man again.