Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I've written before and most of you know the jist of my story. My H has had an emotional affair with a Russian woman for a few years and spent money we don't have on a plane ticket to visit. We are financially screwed with a ton of ccard debt.
We were working things out and he agreed to stop contacting her. Long story short, he still talks to her online, maybe on the phone, texts, who the hell knows.
Anyway, I am devasted and wish we could work it out. We were going to consolidate out debt and work on every aspect of marriage. The problem is he lives several states away now because of his job and it is hard if not impossible to work on the marriage. He also still talks to her. He is home for the weekend to visit and see a marriage councelor. This morning he told me that I need to separate legally from him so he can take all the debt and the kids and I can be o.k. financially. I know it makes sense. He admits he has a problem and will get help. My fear is he will get closer to her, we'll divorce and never have a chance again. It hurts so bad I am losing my best friend and the man I've invested my life in. I can't stand to see him and don't know if I have the strength to pull myself together well enough to take care of the kids and teach art starting next week.
Most importantly, how do I tell the children we are separating and may never be together again. I can barely even type those words.
They know the story but thought we were doing better.
Please help!
We were working things out and he agreed to stop contacting her. Long story short, he still talks to her online, maybe on the phone, texts, who the hell knows.
Anyway, I am devasted and wish we could work it out. We were going to consolidate out debt and work on every aspect of marriage. The problem is he lives several states away now because of his job and it is hard if not impossible to work on the marriage. He also still talks to her. He is home for the weekend to visit and see a marriage councelor. This morning he told me that I need to separate legally from him so he can take all the debt and the kids and I can be o.k. financially. I know it makes sense. He admits he has a problem and will get help. My fear is he will get closer to her, we'll divorce and never have a chance again. It hurts so bad I am losing my best friend and the man I've invested my life in. I can't stand to see him and don't know if I have the strength to pull myself together well enough to take care of the kids and teach art starting next week.
Most importantly, how do I tell the children we are separating and may never be together again. I can barely even type those words.
They know the story but thought we were doing better.
Please help!
For you, I have two primary thoughts. First, is he really your best friend? Would a best friend betray you in this manner? I don't think so. Maybe best friend when there's not another woman in Russia and all the stars are aligned. But best friend right now, when you need one the most? I definitely think otherwise. He's using you and excuses to do what he's doing. He's finding a way to keep this far-flung overseas crap going. I wouldn't put up with that for one instant. It hurts I know but you've got to strengthen your resolve here and see to it that something ends.
Second, if you are desperate to keep him in your life and give it all you've got before deciding to part ways, then I'd strongly suggest you bridge the distance, physically, between the two of you. Either you load up and move to his temp home or he drops his job and comes home to you. What's more important: The marriage or the job? The OW or you?
Major decisions ahead but something needs to happen. It's highly unlikely he'll make any changes in this current setup. You can do it though. You can make things happen, good or bad. You may not be able to control his feelings and desires, but you can do everything esle to give it the best chance of succeeding.
Best of luck to you Cherie.
-TheRule
There is nothing you can do about your husband but let him go. If it is ever meant to be between you two, it will. Time will tell. If you are truely best friends it will come forth too. Be easy on yourself, it's not your. You can get through this hard time. Allow yourself time, time to greive and go through all the emotions. We are here for you.
How to tell the kids? It depends on their age, but tell them with honesty and integrity. I don't think they need all the gory details. It just makes it worse for them. No doubt, this will be hard for them. It always is. They will be adjusting to the new scenerio just as you are. Supporting eachother thru all of this is KEY. Just as you feel this big upheaval in your life, so do they!
Lean on eachother now.
Sorry that you are going thru this, Cherie, and it sucks. It just sucks. But your H made those choices to stay in contact with the Russian broad and put you and your marriage on the back of his priority list.
Deep breath...let him go...take care of you and your kids now...L~
We went to our marriage counceling session and he didn't say much, never does, and that has been our main problem. When pressed about the woman, what does she expect from you? He said she wants to be with him. When asked how is that possible he said they just have to meet up. He didn't seem to care that much about our relationship and when I was asked I just said that I can't do this anymore.
I basically think it needs to be a divorce as soon as I can stomache looking at him again. I told him to leave. He always tears up and looks taken aback when I get angry.
He hung out with our kids and left this morning while I stayed in my room and waited to hear his truck pull out. What torture, followed by overwhelming grief and feelings of all kinds. I know he is poison to me right now and will always be poison. I can't stay with someone who would do this to me and our family. How long before I start to feel a bit better. Its so awful!
I wish you the best of luck. You CAN get through this kids and all. Just disallow him to tug on your heart strings. Tell him it sounds like he made his decision and to stay gone. File the papers. If that doesn't wake him up girl, nothing will.
Great and thoughtful advice!
-Cherie