I have been married for 11 years, together for 15. We have 2 children and I am currently pregnant with our 3rd. We have had a happy marriage, no major hiccups, and I thought we were content. When I was 10 weeks pregnant my husband went out of town on a business trip for one night. While he was at dinner alone he met someone. He made a calculated move and decided he liked this woman so much he wanted to sleep with her.  He didn’t tell me when he returned, but was acting distant. I thought maybe it was the pregnancy or the fact that we were busy with 2 kids and full time jobs and that was why he was acting distant. He wasn’t feeling well for several weeks and I urged him to go to the doctor. Well he went without telling me. 10 weeks after his one night stand he was diagnosed HIV positive. He had no choice but to tell me about his infidelity. I had so many emotions. I was heartbroken, angry, sad, scared for my life and my unborn child’s life, and devasted  for him. I couldn’t understand what would drive him to sleep with some stranger unprotected, knowing you have a pregnant wife at home that you could bring home god knows what to. Thankfully we didn’t think we had slept together since his encounter with her. He said he had felt guilty and that was why he had been so distant the past 10 weeks. I went to my doctor the next day and got tested. I was negative. Those were the most excruciating 24 hours of my life, Waiting for those results. I met with an infectious disease doctor as extra precaution. I never thought I would have to embark on such a thing in my life. 

It has been 13 weeks since his diagnosis, 23 weeks since his affair, and I am 33 weeks pregnant. I have been tested a total of 3 times for HIV and will be again in 2 weeks. I feel like the one person who I cared about and trusted the most in this entire world just crushed everything. I have  good days and bad days. I feel so alone. I’m hiding this from my best friends because I do not want this getting out. There is such a stigma with HIV. The only people that know are my doctor and nurse and a therapist that I am seeing. I have had calls from the health department. I feel like I shouldn’t have to go through this. I am pregnant and this is when I needed him the most and he betrayed me. 

Of course he is sorry, says he knows he doesn’t deserve me, and says he doesn’t want to lose me either. He says this is the only time he has ever slept with someone else. I want to believe him but my gut is saying something else. It was too easy for him to meet some stranger and take her to his hotel 3 hours later.  

I still love him. He is the father of my 3 children. The issue is this...how do We repair our marriage that has been ripped in two pieces without intimacy. Obviously sex for us is off the table. He is on medication and his viral load is undetectable but it still scares me to even think about putting myself at risk. I feel us drifting farther and farther apart mainly because I can’t shake the feeling of this huge decision of do I stay or do I go, that he has put on my shoulders because of his choice. I need to stay healthy for my 3 children. This is so much more than he slept with someone. I may could forgive him for that eventually, but his disease adds another factor. I didn’t choose to marry someone with HIV. While I feel so sorry for him and I do not think he deserves this, I can’t help but lookout for myself and my health and my future. I know no one out there has an answer. I guess I just want to know others thoughts and opinions about what you would do.