Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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/ Infidelity Support Group

He wants me back! What do I do?

sosad21
sosad21
It has been 4 weeks since he has cheated on me. He has been showing up at my house and calling my work daily. He says what he did was a mistake and he loves me and only me. I want to believe him but she is still calling him wanting him back. He claims to have let her go and told her that he wanted to work things out with me. But she is persistent. I am affraid if I give in, she will talk him into being with her again. After 9 years, I don't want him gone, out of my life, but how can I ever trust him. He changed all his vm passwords and won't let me use his phone. What is he still hiding? Why does he feel the need to continue to hurt me? How can I get him to realize the pain he is putting me through. I am so lost... my chest hurts everyday, I cry for everything and now just feel like going to sleep to never wake... Help
deleted_user
deleted_user
Just to start I am so sorry you have to deal with this. Anybody who has ever dealt with it will say it is the hardest thing they have ever been through. I definately agree. My only advice I can give you is if your man wants you back and wants to work it out you need to have access to everything..email, phone, passwords to all of these things. Its hard enough to trust after the disaster of an affair even if you have these things and I think it would be pretty much impossible to not knowing who he is calling or talking to. You definately need that from him and I think he needs to realize it before you can really work on your relationship. I am still with my H after his A and if I knew he was still keeping secrets or talking to the OW I would be gone. There needs to be absolutely no contact for me to begin to heal. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Good luck!!
reil64
reil64
I am so sorry your husband is putting you through this. I hope you are looking for or seeing a counselor.

You need to tell him he has to be totally transparent, no secrect email cell, phone, etc. passwords.

If he wants to make this work he has to be there 100%, doing the things you need him to do.

You deserve love and respect. If he can't give that to you, he is not worth your time.

Reil
deleted_user
deleted_user
I concurr with Reil. Transparency is totally neccesary. I also suggest not letting him come back until you establish your boundries with. Good luck sosad. We're here for u.
sosad21
sosad21
Thank you for your encouragement. There have been new developements. He sent me a message calling me his only love, and told me I was his only one. I met up with him and got ahold of his phone. He sent her the same message. I met with her and she says she does not care that he is playing us both. She likes him and wants him no matter what. This allowed me to make the decision to end it. He still calls and texts but my replies are cold and without any feeling. I hate feeling this way. I am so hurt but now I know the full truth and know not to believe a word out of his mouth. I am stupid for being so gullable and forgiving. I have received counseling and will continue with that as long as I can afford it. All of your support is also helping. Thank you!
deleted_user
deleted_user
You need reasurance.Dont automaticaley beleive him when he say its her doing the chasing.Ask him for access to email and phone.If he refuses its because he has something to hide.Trust is something that you have to earn back after an affair.Things will get better but you cant start to heal unless you know its over.good luck
deleted_user
deleted_user
my advice to you would be if you're going to take him back, do so on your terms.

Set ground rules, i.e., you have complete access to all his emails, phone, ect.

He needs to prove himself worthy of your trust.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh dear God, he sent her the same message of love that he sent you!!! I've actually thought my husband was doing the same thing too... I did hear him on the phone telling her the same things he told me.... right down to his pet name for my "private parts".... freaking creep!!! Hunny, run from this piece of garbage.
deleted_user
deleted_user
YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT !!! If he is done with her, but she keeps in touch the two of you sit down and talk,write or whatever and the both of you ask her to leave him alone, if she doesn't that might be harassment.