Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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/ Infidelity Support Group

He ruined our future...

Shattered_Glass
Shattered_Glass

Earlier this year I found out my husband cheated on me and gave me chlamydia shortly after giving birth to our first child. I never suspected anything, not even that I had an infection. The whole thing felt like my world had shattered. I only found out by going to the doctor thinking my body was still wacky due to post-partum healing. I had a routine appointment with a standard lab order. Week and a half later I get a call from the doctor's office. Literally having a hallmark family moment, laughing and feeding the baby with my husband, when they informed me over the phone that I was positive for Chlamydia. Everything was blurry, my heart was racing, and I could feel my stomach in my throat. I will never forget that day; the week before my first ever Mother's Day at that.


It's been 5 months since that day and it's been an emotional roller coaster. Due to complicated circumstances we are unfortunately cohabiting while separated. He sleeps in the guest room and keeps to his separate living area while we continue to parent as normal as possible. Opposing work schedules makes things better, so the weekends are the most uncomfortable for the most part. Due to the cohabiting we sometimes fall back into old routine, like grocery shopping, cooking large portions, but nothing romantic. This also results in many arguments. 


He repeats that he wants to try to redeem the marriage, but I have made up my mind about filing for divorce and have told him so over and over. For months he has made it difficult to schedule notary appointments needed so I can actually begin the filing process. I had been extremely stressed with college courses and changes at work so he took advantage of my exhaustion. 


I have my mother for long distance emotional support, but that's been about it. His family has "been there for him" through all of this which makes me feel even more isoloated because they seem to be more about supporting him no matter what because he is family, yet not totally holding him accountable for ruining our family.  


How do I keep my sanity through this? Has anyone been through a similar situation? Advice for the impending divorce? I don't really know what to ask specifically. I just feel lost and hurt. I just found this site and I'm hoping the community here can help me navigate this sea of emotions.



Thank you for reading my long post. 

guachita
guachita
Oh and by the way, he did NOT ruin your future, he ruined his future, he is not that important to ruin yours, he is not your life, he is only a part of it.
Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
Hugs my friend. Therapist, financial advisor, lawyer in that order and fast. Even if you do not use a lawyer for the divorce, you need to find out what you are entitled to. I have not talked to the ex or his family in 10 years. Be prepared to be labeled every name under the sun. But remember where it comes from. Let it go. It will take time and a lot of hard work, but you can do it. You have everything going for you, honour, trust and respect. They have nothing.
Spirit2spirit
Spirit2spirit
I'm sorry. It must be difficult to be around your husband right now with his infidelity and finding out you had Chlamydia plus taking care of your baby, school, and work. You have a lot on your plate. Blessings to you and your husband. I don't know much about Chlamydia but I understand it's not good. I pray for you that you find the love and support you need as you endure this time in your life. Have you considered reaching out to a woman's group in the community, at a church, or with friends? Even having one friend you can turn to for emotional support is helpful. And, prayers don't hurt either. Maybe a local church can help you with spiritual support. You sound like a courageous and strong woman. Hang in there, you will get through this and come out all the wiser having gone through it.

I will pray for you and your husband to work things out gracefully and for you and your baby to get the support that you need right now.

Blessings
pfrey71
pfrey71
Even if they use condoms they can still contract STD's. What's amazing is that they can use the internet to find their next hook up but can't use it to check on STD risks.
Shattered_Glass
Shattered_Glass
@pfrey71 right?! The level of stupidity, impulse, and total disregard is astounding!
Shattered_Glass
Shattered_Glass
@guachita you're right, he ruined his future, not mine. I will do my best to make sure my son and I thrive.

And I'm sorry you're going through this too. It's helpful to have the support of a community like this, but then it's heartbreaking that so many people are dealing with inconsiderate partners. I just don't understand why some find it hard to just be a descent human being. If you can't commit to one person, then look for a partner that agrees to being open/etc. There are plenty of people like that out there. Why go through the trouble of building someone's trust just to tear it down? It's just so.....*no words*.
Shattered_Glass
Shattered_Glass
@forwardmotion I'm still so angry with him for that aspect of this whole thing. He made our child a statistic. Another kid growing up with parents that have 2 separate households. It's not fair to him. I'm glad LO is too young to remember the split, but I'm saddened that he never gets to remember mom and dad being happy together. My heart is broken for our LO as well as myself.
heartache5
heartache5
I can so understand your thoughts for your kid. But your little one will 1 day be able to understand how strong of a women his mom is. He is happier growing up with 2 parents separated tgan both together but disrespectful and miserable. But I really understand you. I'm glad to hear though it sounds like you made ur decision to leave. Its very rough I wish you a lot of strength and ur not alone
forwardmotion
forwardmotion
Yes it is his fault and he shoulders the blame. You as a mother as hearache5 said can show that you can be a strong woman who raised him as best you could as a single parent. (Who knows you may meet a man of solid character who will be a good father to him)

The main thing is that you can teach your son/daughter how to treat a woman or how a woman is to be treated.

You chose not to stay with an emotional abusive partner and that teaches then that they should not tolerate it and not be an abusive partner.
williamsbigred
williamsbigred
I’m so sorry. We all feel we have something special and unique but then we find out we just have cliche cheaters. We’ll all lose family & friends. Our cheaters are very good liars and can’t accept what they’ve done because doing so would make them feel guilt and shame. That would not be good for the image they project on themselves. Stay strong. You’re amazing.
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