Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Earlier this year I found out my husband cheated on me and gave me chlamydia shortly after giving birth to our first child. I never suspected anything, not even that I had an infection. The whole thing felt like my world had shattered. I only found out by going to the doctor thinking my body was still wacky due to post-partum healing. I had a routine appointment with a standard lab order. Week and a half later I get a call from the doctor's office. Literally having a hallmark family moment, laughing and feeding the baby with my husband, when they informed me over the phone that I was positive for Chlamydia. Everything was blurry, my heart was racing, and I could feel my stomach in my throat. I will never forget that day; the week before my first ever Mother's Day at that.
It's been 5 months since that day and it's been an emotional roller coaster. Due to complicated circumstances we are unfortunately cohabiting while separated. He sleeps in the guest room and keeps to his separate living area while we continue to parent as normal as possible. Opposing work schedules makes things better, so the weekends are the most uncomfortable for the most part. Due to the cohabiting we sometimes fall back into old routine, like grocery shopping, cooking large portions, but nothing romantic. This also results in many arguments.
He repeats that he wants to try to redeem the marriage, but I have made up my mind about filing for divorce and have told him so over and over. For months he has made it difficult to schedule notary appointments needed so I can actually begin the filing process. I had been extremely stressed with college courses and changes at work so he took advantage of my exhaustion.
I have my mother for long distance emotional support, but that's been about it. His family has "been there for him" through all of this which makes me feel even more isoloated because they seem to be more about supporting him no matter what because he is family, yet not totally holding him accountable for ruining our family.
How do I keep my sanity through this? Has anyone been through a similar situation? Advice for the impending divorce? I don't really know what to ask specifically. I just feel lost and hurt. I just found this site and I'm hoping the community here can help me navigate this sea of emotions.
Thank you for reading my long post.
I completely understand the frustration you feel with his family. My husband's family is doing the same even though he left me and our daughter for his other woman. They know he cheated and left me for her and they are saying I am making things difficult because I got a lawyer to properly type up the division of assets and I want to file for child support. They think the amount the state determined is too much for him. So he is more important than making sure their grand daughter is taken care of. It makes me so angry. He is a grown adult who made all of these choices, my daughter is 1.5 she is the innocent party and they should have her best interest in mind right now. Instead they are trying to make it easier to have his new life with the other woman. And I have to deal with them all the time because of my daughter. It's just sad and lonely. And you feel disrespected. I have to try to feel deep down they know who is at fault for this marriage ending but blood is thicker than water and they will stick by him no matter what.
I would suggest thinking about what assets you would like so you are prepared with that information when you start the process. And think about custody as well.
"daddies don't mommies STDs and vice versa"
selfish fucks that procreate share STDs
I'm proud of you ur so strong. Good on you you sure don't need him ur strong!
I found out when my little one was 1 year old it's so tough. And the fact they don't use protection is just sickening. I found him risking my health even worse than the act of cheating itself.
I'm trying to work things out he's very renorsefull. But if he had given me an STD that would have probably been the limit.
I understand ur frustration with his family. You have to let it go though if you can. It's not that they don't like or support ur pain but it's their son. They likely have given him shit for cheating but it's still their son. I know how hard that is. My CS sister support him as a brother but also told me how mad she was at him for doing this to me.
However when I asked him to tell his mom, who I get along with very well she was sad to hear it but has since never reached out to me to show any form of support. It made me mad but I have to accept it I know she loves me and we will be fine but yes it would have felt nice to feel some support from her. But he's her son she loves him regardless of his mistakes and so does ur CS family as hard as it is to realize. So sorry for having to go through this with a 5 month old. You deserve much better. Hugs feel free to pm if you need to chat
he doesn't even love his child enough to not put his child's mothers health at risk
your hate will fade
your horror at what he is won't
get a lawyer, get yourself counseling, take all the steps to pull yourself together
your family is you child and you
if your in-laws haven-t reached out to you by now, they won't and that means he is where he came from...as is a "family" of shitbirds, get full custody & move
However, cheaters are emotional over logic and you could reason the same thing for them having a fling which will ruin someone else's life and their marriage/family and self respect.
It actually makes sense that a cheater wouldn't wear protection or think about consequences. A sociopathic type cheater may actually be more calculated and cover their tracks better than a emotional type person.
***
You need to tell your STBX husband that the notary public way is the cheapest way for you guys to get a divorce. If he keeps dawdling you can tell him that this divorce is happening one way or another. Lawyers will cost a lot more and the divorce will still happen.
Your STBX is to blame for this and I hope he pays his fair share to help you raise your child. It's selfish and irresponsible people like him who help society spiral down the drain.
But there was another time, different woman, (second in 5 months) this time, he admitted to sex). I got tested for STDS, thank god nothing was there, but he called twice to ask me for the results. SOB, SOB!!!
I went to see a therapist read all the books possible, and I still believed my marriage could be saved (crazy right?), yeah, my denial was abysmal...
I still think the reconciliation is possible, but it really takes a drastic change from the cheater that is 99.9999% impossible. As long as they justify it, blame you, etc IT IS OVER.
It took me almost 10 months to realize that my marriage was over... I'm filling for divorce now. I can wait to present him with the papers. I don't need any notaries, I just did it, I'm presenting him with an agreement next week. He doe snot even have to show up in court.
The best for you and your baby. Hopefully there is a real man out there that can be a better male figure for that child.
About the in-laws always remember, blood is thicker that water.... we will be second for them, and also remember, they have his side story.... somehow no matter how wrong they did us, we are automatically bitches and we drew them to infidelity. I'm doing my best to raise 2 boys capable of taking their own mistakes and fix them. Also I'm raising kids with no tolerance to cheating. IT IS POSSIBLE!!!