Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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ShyStrong 11/25/2018

I really didn't think he would cheat on me again...We've been married ~20 years. He cheated on me in 2006 with a coworker. I had a retaliatory affair that lasted years, ended in 2010. I confessed in 2016 due to finding out that the guy secretly recorded a video and I thought we were solid enough to handle this information :-( He has had another affair in retaliation. Supposedly only had sex in 2016 after I told him, but they have been talking and texting NONSTOP (phone calls for >1000 minutes over 10 days!) He went to his first therapy session, and I became suspicious because he was really emotional and being very nice. Then, I found cell phone records of them talking day and night, texting day and night on 10/27/18. Now we are left trying to put things back together again. How do I deal with the anger so that we can move forward?

forwardmotion 11/26/2018

This will really need to be dealt with in therapy.

Both of you have been cheating on and off for the better part of a decade. There is certainly more than just anger issues and infidelity in your marriage difficulties.

ShyStrong 11/26/2018

Yes. Thank you for your reply. That’s deep though. More than a decade is so right :-(
We have a meeting with our pastors in the next couple of days but we will need to go to professional marital therapists.

MrCellophane 11/26/2018

Forgive me, but WHY are you "trying to put things back together again"? And what does that even MEAN, exactly? When and how were things "together" for you two?

ShyStrong 11/26/2018

I’m not sure what it means to put things back together again. We have clearly had some years wrought with all of this. We’ve also had “together-times”. And we need to try to figure things out.

loosingitbad 11/26/2018

I wish you the very best- I know its really painful and it hurts really bad

calirn13 11/27/2018

He first cheated on you 12 years ago? I really hope you both find the answers through counseling. Good Luck to you both

ShyStrong 11/27/2018

Thanks. I really don’t know what to say. Twelve years ago, I found this website & it was very encouraging... that people can actually make it through this emotional pain. Our relationship has been riddled with this stuff but there have been more good times than bad times. Although right now it feels pretty bad.

MrCellophane 11/27/2018

Okay, then how about my first question to you: WHY are you trying to put things back together again? Do you HAVE to? I mean, it isn't exactly a requirement, is it?

What would your life be like if you split from him entirely?

ShyStrong 11/27/2018

I can’t imagine life without him in it, actually, Mr. Cellophane.

We don’t HAVE to put it back together. It’s something that we want to do. But meanwhile, we have to deal with the hurt and pain that we’ve both caused.

Would it be easier to separate or to stay together? The million dollar question.

MrCellophane 11/27/2018

If you can't imagine life without him, then it sounds like you need to make a genuine, full-throttle effort to stay together. Meeting with a pastor is nice, and all. But I think you will really benefit from seeing a licensed therapist. Best of luck to you.

ShyStrong 11/27/2018

Thanks again, Mr. Cellophane. Yes, we will most certainly need more than prayer and our pastors to get through this. I already know some of the things that they are going to tell us... and this will more than likely include professional counseling.

I handled the situation poorly in the past ... moving forward will require a different approach.

calirn13 11/27/2018

If you came here 12 years ago, What made you stop coming back? A support group goes both ways. We are all in different stages of healing. Some of us have come so far from where we began. Never in a Million years would I have though I would have stayed with my CS let alone be happy. Not all unicorns and rainbows.. it’s the tough stuff we deal with now.. communication, expressing when our needs are not being met, fulfilling the others emotional needs, dating each other ... spending quality time
It can be done. You just have to make a conscious effort.

ShyStrong 11/28/2018

Hi Calirn13, thank you for your response. I came here and refer others here for emotional support. And maybe I felt like I no longer needed it. Or maybe the advice was really good and I had to work on applying it. This feels bad, but I can say I’m not as devastated this time around. It’s just a pathetic situation that we are having to working through. Some days, I really want to and others...not so much. We came out on top last time and i usually think we can this time. The time and energy that it’s going to take is exhausting....

ShyStrong 11/28/2018

I tried looking through some posts to encourage others but I’m not in a place where I can do that yet. I have been able to do that in the past and I will get there, regardless of the outcome.

calirn13 11/30/2018

That is why it is so important to keep coming back. To remember what it was like. To never want to be here again. This is why we check in with each other. To make sure we are getting our needs met. How we can do things different if need be.

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