Oh yeah. Even though Kevin was responsible for paying certain bills, they were NEVER paid up, we were always getting notification of shut off, but he slept like a baby... I carried all the tension and stress. When I began to transfer some of that to him, he hit the road!

Oh my H can fall asleep with my crying next to him. A fault he still has. His fear of confrontation is part of it.

Not sure if it's a "guy" thing or if it's just my husband's personality or what, but he has no issue just falling asleep. He has no problem compartmentalizing things (work from home, affair from marriage... whatever.)

In some ways, it's a necessity for him to be able to function as a human being given the work he does. In some ways, it's an absolute nightmare because it means he can just "ignore" things when they're not convenient to worry about... and some things are never truly convenient to think about. So yeah, he'd just set them aside indefinitely and never "fix" them.

I don't know if that's a WS/BS thing, though. My best friend is very much a "head in the sand" kind of person and her husband is the worrier - yet he's the one who strayed.

Gabi has always had no problem falling asleep, as long as I've known her. She can fall asleep anywhere, whenever it hits her. I was even kissing her the other night when I felt her lips sliding off of mine before she jerked back awake.

That was one of the big changes in her during the affairs. Normally, past midnight, she struggled to keep her eyes open. She'd be dead asleep seconds after hitting her pillow. But once the affair libido hit her, she could stay up into the wee hours of the morning. I remember suggesting sex around 2:30 am one time, thinking she was probably too tired.

"Yes! Let's do it!"
"But you have to get up at 5, that's only 2.5 hours away."
"I don't care. Let's do it!"

I knew she was coming out of the fog and libido high after dday when she returned to not being able to stay awake.

I've usually been able to go to sleep quickly myself. I've not had many sleepless nights over the affair. Thankfully. But that may go back to the issue of avoidance...

"When Mars and Venus Collide" mentions one of the differences, in *general*, between men and women is how we tend to deal with stress. Men either fix it or they run from it. More like put it on a shelf to either allow it to get fixed on its own or when they are able to deal with it. Women, on the other hand, like to deal with stress by talking about it.

Both sides see what the other is doing as illogical. Men say, "Why talk about it, you can't fix it right now. Focus on other issues you can fix." Women say, "How is it going to get fixed if we don't hash through it?" But it is just the different ways we deal with stress.

An interesting book if you get the chance to read it. But it did lead me to explore the different ways that men and women tend to approach rebuilding on both sides of the cheating fence.

Allora- Obviously it's not a guy thing ....the poster is a guy.

My cheater was a fast sleeper as well, and yes....she is a female.

My DH is the easy sleeper; I'm the one up nights with my head filled with all the unresolved stuff, unpaid bills, health concerns, relationship issues. It's always been easy for him to shrug it all off, leave it on my lap, roll over and go to sleep. He just trusts that if a problem needs solution I will dog in and find it.

He also has no problem dozing off while I cry a few feet away, if I'd let him.

Mine does have trouble sleeping when something is bothering him.
Usually if I'm awake and something is bothering me he stays up with me and tries to talk it out with me so I can sleep .

I'm not sure it's a BS/CS thing...I'm a CS and always have had trouble falling asleep. My W though has NEVER had an issue. Her head hits a pillow and she's out. I always take a while, and always have. It was worse during our first months of rebuilding, I barely slept at all.

He falls asleep no problem. I hardly ever sleep any more.

Hmmmm....I now know that my H has had moments of infidelity throughout our 25+ yr relationship. He has no knowledge that I am aware of it.

Could this be why he has at times had difficulty staying asleep? He could drift off pretty quickly, but alot of times he would tell me that he didn't sleep well & kept waking up. I do know that he still deals with it to this day.

I can only hope that it's his conscious self telling him that what he's doing is so wrong on many le\/els, but who knows.

It bothers me at how fast my H can fall asleep even when our world is falling apart. It takes me hours to relax my brain.

I am that person who has no issues with falling asleep. if I lay my head down I am asleep in seconds too. It does not matter issues, no issues sleep is my thing! My world was falling apart and my ability to sleep was incredible. It has nothing to do with morals. at least I do not believe it had anything to do with morals on my part.

I felt a host of incredible feelings for which I had done everything in my power to rectify. I was in love with someone who did not sleep. He left my/our bed because he could not sleep, and I could.( that was his excuse) Boy did he blow it.

Be it analytic, or hindsight many do not have an issue with sleep, sleep is such an important. factor. I believe if one sleeps too much while in the crisis mode it is labeled as depression, if one does not sleep it is labeled uncaring. one can not win. gonna take a nap....

Sorry, when my head hits the pillow I am out. Always pissed H off. Some people can sleep immediately, other cannot. Sure, I was out almost immediately, but would wake up around 4am & could not go back to sleep. Everyone is different. Believe me, I wasn't having an affair - H was.