I don't think it helps a relationship but I don't think it can be blamed for the whole breakdown.

When our two children were born I spent alot of time on the couch or in the spare bed for two reasons...my H has sleep apnea and the snoring is out of control and the convenience of taking care of my children. Many nights i would start in bed only to move after he fell asleep.

He never complained to me but in a conversation with his mom after his A (8 yrs ago) he mentioned to her how hurt he was that I did not share his bed. I though he was glad to get a good night sleep.

I understand how your H felt. Although I understand why my H has to sleep in the other room, I feel that since we started that, we have grown apart. It does hurt me. It just adds to him never touching or hugging me - all things I needed as part of his non-reconciliation with me.

e7705, Im sorry to hear your not being shown enough affection. We all need it..!
Do you show him affection that is not intended to lead to sex ? If so how does he respond ?
Was he always this way ?

I don't care how bad they snore - sleeping in separate rooms is never good.

I moved back to our bed after the A... I do think that was a HUGE part of the problem. I moved due to both of us snoring and also we didn't do much in the way of sex either. It got worse after I moved too. Then the A happened and I figured it was my fault, first for being overweight, second for not sharing the bed, and third because I just could not be who he wanted me to be, which was the goddess OW... But after reading many books and thinking things through, I moved back in so we could be closer and we have been. It's working. We now hug and kiss often, not to the extreme of sex, but in general. I asked him to but forth that effort and he has been. We did have sex for the first time on Friday night since the A which happened on 2/1/10. Prior to that day I don't even know when we had sex last... and that's not good! I want to say that you should move back into the bed. We put an air purifier in the room which makes background noise and we have a ceiling fan on all night and that helps drown out the snoring for both of us. We find ourselves laughing more and just being playful now, where we were not even touching or anything before the A and after I moved out of the room. I think it's very bad to leave the bedroom and move to another room. I can understand how that ruins things. So, go back and try to salvage your marriage. I am hopeful for you.

I'm a very light sleeper and cannot sleep with snoring:( It drives me up the wall and if the snoring couldn't be solved, I think it would send me or him to the other room too. Having gone through an A w/ my husband too...I know what you mean about non sexual intimacy when sleeping in the same bed and I feel that is very important, especially in the healing process after an affair. Just being close and holding each other during the night can mean a lot and help. Can anything be done about the snoring? Have you had a conversation about this? Maybe if he knew you wanted the two of you to be in the same bed together for this healing, and is there anything he can do for the snoring, he might look into it. My husband doesn't snore so I'm not real up on new findings...

Sure, there is the not sleeping together and that can't be good, but the coldness of your relationship is a huge damned issue. Wow, I could not handle that one at all.

Do you do counseling or anything like that? I would not know how to deal with that one.

L~

Does not sleeping in the same bed destroy closeness and intimacy in a marriage? No. He destroyed that when he slept in someone ELSE'S bed.

Having said that, you also mentioned "part of his NON reconciliation with you". If he is not trying, then why try back? If he is writing on the wall left and right that he doesn't care and is making no attempts to right his wrongs, forget the snoring! Get a lawyer!

IF you two are in the reconciliation process or actually want to be there, then this HAS something to affect and can affect it.

I'm just going to throw this out there though. My man snores LIKE A TRUCK. He has to be one of the loudest, most obnoxious people on the face of the planet when he sleeps. There have been nights that I have seriously pondered gagging him with a tic tac or something. He kept me awake for nights upon nights upon nights and greatly caused me to have insomnia or day and night reversal. By the time HE was waking up all nice and refreshed from his man bear from hell slumber, I was just ABLE to fall asleep. And then he wanted sex? Are you serious! I had thoughts of murdering him all night long and he wanted to be close to me? At one point I snapped at him and said:

SEX? Are you kidding me, SHREK? He looked at me horrified and I knew I had hurt his feelings but I was soooooooooo tired. My man had to have his TONSILS removed! They had gotten so large they had blocked his air passage and caused him to snore ( and caused me to want to punch him in his man wood and wake him up).

The only thing that sort of/kinda worked was that he started wearing breathe right strips and also, I never let him sleep on his back. As long as he slept on his side, he would shut up- and I could then get to bed.

Obnoxious sleeping habits of a bed partner and sleeping in separate rooms could both cause a bit of discord. I mean, I seriously wanted to HIT him because it was so obnoxious.

if youre trying to work it out- he needs to see an ENT. He most likely has sleep apnea or at least could have it. Does he stop snoring, gasp for air, then restart snoring? ( it is a MYTH that everyone that snores has this condition and/or are fat. I have it myself and do NOT snore at all- and I have obstructive apnea.) But it is something to think about as sleep apnea can kill you.

IF he is making no attempts to work it out, then YOU make no attempts to worry about things such as these. If there is no intimacy to begin with, then this isn't pouring salt on the wound.