It is kind of interesting that he created the problem and now he turned the table on you. It almost sounds like he is projecting his own guilt on you and trying to minimize the degree of what he has done.
He should not be doing this at all. A person who is remorseful will usually try to make it up to their partner not cause more arguments.
Of course , I don't know the whole story and I don't know about what type of other issues you guys had in the relationship prior to this incident..
Sometimes infidelity brings everything out in the open and thigs are brought up which were never said before by either party.
Hopefully a good therapist can help you both put things together and work in them, but if he continues to displace his guilt on you, nothing productive will come of it , he should understand this.

He is trying to deflect. He doesn't want to focus on what HE did so he's trying to blame you. Very ,very,common. Do yourself a favor, just let him believe whatever he wants to and ignore him.. I think that the cheater should be worried and afraid because you do deserve better AND HE KNOWS IT. His own guilt will drive you away even further. Gain some self confidence and realize what he is doing. He knows someone else will gladly have you,even though he didn't have enough respect for you,to keep you. Not saying that you cannot work this out but him trying to blame you,is not taking responsibility for what he has done. He,ONLY can and should take the heat for this one. If you are planning on staying with him, get some counseling if you can. This is one mistake that doesn't just repair itself. Keep seeking advice on this forum,it will help you to just talk things out and get ideas from people who have gone through this. Good luck and sorry that you have to endure this.

He's redirecting the blame towards you. It's a typical, guilty party thing. Pass the blame.
Also, my wife was always worried about me cheating. I was never worried about her cheating. I think people worry about what they are capable of doing and defer their anxiety about it. I would never cheat, so I was never worried about her cheating. Cheating just wasn't something that was ever in my head.

I agree, he knows what he did and that you deserve better. PLEASE get counseling and don't protect everyone else form his mistake. Make him accountable.

I agree with others. Unless he realizes it's his mistake, things will not change. If he's trying to blame you the it means he has not changed. No matter what cheating in not permitted in a relationship. So he can't hold you accountable for his cheating.

Get counseling.

Yeah, his reaction is pretty typical. It's called deflection I believe; as in he's deflecting the guilt he feels about his betrayel of you onto you in the form of thinking that you're cheating. Besides if he caught you cheating you wouldn't have the proverbial "leg up" on him in the morals department. Stupid but pretty common.

Let him suffer I say. As long as you're not cheating you have nothing to feel guilty about and if he's crapping himself over it, all the better. It may sound cruel but there is not much that is more cruel than what he did to you.

Sending support!

Totally sounds like you H is deflecting his affair by creating something you did wrong. Definitely doesn't seem like he's interested in rebuilding...is he actually trying to make the marriage bad so he can say "I told you so?"

This happened to me, and I"m not saying your H is abusive... but this is a common tactic in emotional abuse. He is desperate to make this YOUR fault somehow to shift the blame from himself. This is a BAD sign. When this happened to me... I maintained my honor, did my best to stay blameless, and got rid of him. Nothing can justify what he did to me, and I have a feeling you may be in a similar circumstance. Keep on the high road and you will find your answers.

One thing I can say is that my CS is doing the same thing. Her logic is that if I did it he must have done it, or is doing it. I would reinforce that HE is the unfaithful spouse, and just because he did doesn't mean you'll sink to that level. I also thought about a "revenge affair", but I know that I still love my CS to much to ever want to put her through the pain that I feel. He might also truly be feeling guilt for cheating, and in some strange way feel that that's what he deserves (STILL DON'T DO IT!!). As Pandora said stay on the high road. As long as you have that peace with knowing that you haven't done anything wrong that's all that counts. I pray things get better for you.

I've met people who think everyone thinks like them. He no doubt is thinking, "If it were me who discovered my spouse was cheating, I'd be out finding someone to hook up with that day." So he assumes you feel the same way and feel free to have your own "fun." So now he's fearful you'll do what he would do.

And some BSs do have revenge affairs. Those are the ones who think, "Hey, he has his fun. I've been good all this time. What did it get me? I missed out. Now I'm free to go have my own fun."

What they don't realize is that cheating comes with its own pain and self-inferiority enhancing destruction. There is a reason cheating is wrong. Not because of a piece of paper, but because it is destructive to everyone and their relationships involved in it.

Out of the three times in my life that were the highest traumatic moments, they all involved cheating. My mother who cheated on my dad, and sat us down to tell us we were getting a new dad because she divorced my dad and married the OM. An employee of my step-dad who while married, molested me and my brothers for several months when I was 11 and 12, and when the truth came out in front of my parents, he tried to choke himself to death (he passed out). And the third, of course, is discovering my wife had cheated on me.

You shouldn't cheat because in the end, it will bring with it a lot of pain and negative consequences. That really is why it is "wrong" in the first place.

It's called the 'bait and switch.' If he can get you to worry about him trying to catch you doing something wrong, it distracts you from doing it to him. That way, he figures the heat is off his ass because you're pre-occupied with trying to prove to him that you're Mary Poppins. Crazy how the cheater will turn things around on you, huh? Beware of bridges for sale and discounts on snake oil!

Wow Dejavu.
I'm going thru the same thing right now and have been for a little while. I get the 3rd degree about my day and I find it easier not to have friends because he ends up making me feel bad for having friends. I get upset when he does this because HE cheated not me but I end up having to pay. I know how bad it sucks, I'm sorry you have to go thru this too. Good luck

That is quite emotionally manipulative and bullshit.

All I can say is what I would do. I would implement full 180 until I saw significant remorse and saw him starting to dig into what is wrong with him.

This sounds familar -- I agree with the others Aronia/Grandcten Pandora1979 etc have mentioned. I would say he is projecting, deflecting. I am not going to say that the marriage is doomed because of this -- but as other have mentioned it is not a good sign. I fail to understand why the non-CS should be blamed more than the CS.
SOMEONE PLEASE CORRECT ME IF I AM WRONG!

I think its quite normal to consider revenege cheating or simply looking for someone to accept us -- but as others have mentioned - you don't want to do that. Dont drop to his level -- take the high road as Pandora said and get some counseling to help work through this crap.

Kevin's right. You won't feel better. And believe it or not, he doesn't feel good about what's he's done, either. It's a coping mechanism to keep him occupied -- that keeps him from addressing his real issues.