Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
It's been 14 months since DDay, and 4 months since we started MC in an effort to rebuild our relationship.
For the first several weeks in MC, I would do most of the talking, and get emotional, and my husband would shut down. Frustrating.
In the past couple of weeks, I've been thinking that I'm tired of being sad, I'm tired of feeling hurt, and I'm tired of wasting days and weeks and months of my life trying to understand something I will never understand.
Usually after MC, we go out for some one on one time; coffee or dinner, or just a drive to either keep going with the conversations from the counseling session or to NOT talk about it at all, depending on the subject matter.
Tonight I was very quiet during the MC session, just kind of letting him be the one who was giving opinions and talking. Afterwards, my husband mentioned that he felt I was unhappy, or upset, and asked what was up. I told him (honestly, in my mind) that I've kind of come to the conclusion that I need to lower my expectations. I realize now that if I share my hurt with him, it just traumatizes him more, and then makes me feel even MORE isolated because he's not able to comfort me. Understandable, because he's still so ashamed. Intellectually, I can understand that. Emotionally, not so much.
So, I'm backing away from trying to understand how we rebuild trust, or intimacy. I'm done being disappointed that he still finds it hard to express his feelings, and will likely NEVER say "I know I screwed up, but I'll do whatever it takes to win your trust back, and prove to you every day that I love you."
I'm kind of over it.
Is this a normal stage during R, or is this the first step in giving up?
For the first several weeks in MC, I would do most of the talking, and get emotional, and my husband would shut down. Frustrating.
In the past couple of weeks, I've been thinking that I'm tired of being sad, I'm tired of feeling hurt, and I'm tired of wasting days and weeks and months of my life trying to understand something I will never understand.
Usually after MC, we go out for some one on one time; coffee or dinner, or just a drive to either keep going with the conversations from the counseling session or to NOT talk about it at all, depending on the subject matter.
Tonight I was very quiet during the MC session, just kind of letting him be the one who was giving opinions and talking. Afterwards, my husband mentioned that he felt I was unhappy, or upset, and asked what was up. I told him (honestly, in my mind) that I've kind of come to the conclusion that I need to lower my expectations. I realize now that if I share my hurt with him, it just traumatizes him more, and then makes me feel even MORE isolated because he's not able to comfort me. Understandable, because he's still so ashamed. Intellectually, I can understand that. Emotionally, not so much.
So, I'm backing away from trying to understand how we rebuild trust, or intimacy. I'm done being disappointed that he still finds it hard to express his feelings, and will likely NEVER say "I know I screwed up, but I'll do whatever it takes to win your trust back, and prove to you every day that I love you."
I'm kind of over it.
Is this a normal stage during R, or is this the first step in giving up?
Talk with your therapist. You need what you ne4ed to heal and the CS needs to give that to you.
Hawks, great suggestion in talking this out with the therapist.
L~
A professional is merely reprogramming the CS which in itself is a lie.
Remember people there is CS's that do not have remorse the A may have been fiery and hot and is missed.
Or simply the person doesn;t have sorry in their makeup.