Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Hi I am new to the group I am in a 3 year relationship with a man and am just recently divorced. It is a long story to make it short, the marriage was abusive and I put up with it for too long. When I decided to leave I did not give myself enough time to heal and jumped into another relationship. I wasn't ready and he wasn't in a better space either. He told me everything I wanted to hear and I believed him. Throughout the first two years he cheated on me online and in person with many different people. I found out last year. I knew all along that something was wrong and I asked him openly. He lied. I started playing detective and finally found out everything a little at a time. Each time I discovered something he denied it, I persisted found proof and he had to admit to his guilt. This happened three times at an interval of 3 months. I stayed. It has been a year and I cannot find it in myself to trust him. It feels broken. He is a liar. But I love him and I do not want to go. He says he doesn't want me to go. I just cannot get over it.. I saw by accident that he erased a message on messenger and I confronted him he says I don't trust him, I told him it is because he is too comfortable living in lies so I cannot trust...
You want to stay with a liar and cheat? Go ahead.
Second chances are for people who have only done it once before, hence the word second. He's done it serially as Moving points out, so you can see why we all have a bit of a problem with your choice of words. You don't want to see the reality of your situation, and I can see how burying your head in the sand is an easier option, but it does come with it's problems, and you're experiencing that now.
Wishing you well.
You deserve more out a relationship and you are strong enough to take charge of your own future happiness.
What has lover-boy shown you to make you think he has changed?
You're not being realistic, you're being unduly hopeful, and I'd even go as far as to say rather naive. Most of the time Jennie, people don't change, it's not that they can't, it's that they won't or don't. Your use of the word people is too broad of a term, when you mean a serial cheater, and you're using the term people to convince yourself of the absurd. He isn't people Jenny, he's a serial cheater who is still doing it. There are no hieroglyphics to interpret here, it's pretty straight forward.
He would need intense psychotherapy, weekly for a number of years, without you in the picture, to be able to affect any change. But the truth is most of the time, people like him don't want to fix themselves. They find people like you who will put up with their behaviour for as long as they can get out of it.
Once the poor soul has had enough and leaves them, they just latch onto someone else. I think you're grasping at anything you can to hold onto him. You are not obligated to leave him. If you want to give him a tenth or twelfth chance, no one is going to stop you, you just have to be able to put up with it when he does it again.
I think you know quite well that he can't be reconciled and it may be time for you to read the writing on the wall and face the music.
Wishing you well.
Human leopards can only change their spots with professional help and, even then there is no guarantee.
Give him an ultimatum, seek professional help and, respond positively to it, or else. You deserve better than crap, which is what you describe of him to be.
I'm interested in what measure/s you took to become self-loving, are you at liberty to say? Message me if you wouldn't mind.