Here is my woeful story. We had been together 8 years before we got engaged. It was delayed because I wanted to establish my career before family etc. Eventually we got engaged. After a few months I postponed the wedding. My career wans't going well and my parents interfered a lot.  She was very upset. We had a couple of months apart and I proposed again and she accepted. My parents were certainly not supportive of our marriage which caused greater stress for both of us - especially in the first few months of the wedding. Anyway, 14 years and 4 wonderful children later I found out that she had an affair with a married man during our split and two months after we were married. It was over a 6 month period. Essentially she was planning a wedding while she was with him!

When I confronted her she denied it. Then she said it was once. After futher discussion she told me she had been with him at least 6 times. What hurts even more is she worked with guy for years and we socialized with him and his wife. They both attended our wedding, looked after our chldren when they were young on occassions and we went to social gatherings with them. I even helped him clean up his house before he sold it. Wouldn't you have thought she would have encouraged me not to go. What a fool I must have looked like. His wife eventually left him and he became a regular visitor to our home. We supported him as he played the victim so well. Later he would often visit with his new girlfiends. Sometimes he would drop my wife home from work and would be inside with her when I arrived home. It never made me comfortable so eventually I said he wasn't to visit when I wasn't home. One day,  before we had children a message came through on her phone at the desk I was sitting at that said "I love you so much it hurts". I confronted her for an explanation and at the time she said he was mixed up because they were good friends and he was suffering the loss of his marriage. I confronted him but he just hung up. She claimed nothing had happened and I believed her.

It has been two years since I have found out and it hasn't got any easier for me despite two years of therapy. I don't hate her anymore but I can no longer go on with her. She had numerous times to tell me while we were split, before we were married and before we had children. It would be far easier to split then. Now we have four children, a house etc.

Some have said to me "oh that was so long ago - move on" To be honest, 14 years could be 14 days ago. It is still so raw and I have many triggers. I can't look at the wedding video because he is in it. It has destroyed our family. Betrayal is the most painful emotion I have ever felt. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. She said when I called off the wedding she felt rejected and he was there for her. She said they never went out in public together and she never wanted a relationship with him. She said he told her he loved her but she never felt the same. She said she loved me but he helped her escape the pain she felt. I just don't understand how you can be in love with someone but have an affair. Am I abnormal?

Can anyone relate to her comments about rejection? I'm trying to understand.