I wouldn't trust that guy around my kids with a 10 ft. pole. What has he done to earn back your trust? You are 40 yrs old..... you should know what he's about. Nothing good, for sure. If it were me.... I would have kicked his ass out so fast for cheating w/ your daughters friend. He has shown you that he has no respect for you. What keeps you w/ him?

Sometimes people who cheat react by suspecting their significant other of cheating in order to get back at them. He is probably trying to justify his actions. If you think he is cheating, trust your instinct because he probably is. I wish I followed my instincts more closely!!

We went through the break up stage right after it happened, I never contacted him, he was the one who made contact with me, he is great with my other children, never doubt he would harm them. I decided because I love him, that I would give him another chance. My 18 yr old daughter is not talking to us because she is still friends with the same girl and defended her, told me I needed to forgive her and let her live her life. When she is still going around breaking up other relationships. Its a small community where we live, so that is the reason I know about that. I feel I don't have to forgive her, if I don't want to. I know forgiveness is for your self, and healing, but I am not ready to for give her, not yet. It seems as everything has happened to me yesterday. He is getting involved with our home life more and helping me out with the children, but its his insecurity that gets me everytime, which adds to my insecurity. I have never went this far in a relationship, a man cheated on me, he got dumped. I want this relationship to work, for whatever reason, he wanted to come back, that made me feel special, wanted, loved. I'm just so tired of being mad at him. I want to move past this anger. Just last week, was the first time him and I laughed together. So there is healing going on in our relationship, but at least once a week we go through this stage where we accuse each other. On my part its distrust. I know that. I will search more on him though. any ideas of what I need to look for.? I been searching his phone, no signs there, but that is where signs showed up last time. He doesn't have FB anymore. Once I went out with friends, and he told me call before I come home, I didn't because I didn't want any notice if he was trying to hide something. It's so crazy the way I think, and how it takes over my mind and consumes me. like for instance, once he said, "i'm so dry" He meant thirsty, but my mind went to another area. I think cheating should be a crime, and charged as abuse. You think?

This is complicated but I would say No you don't owe it to your daughters friend to forgive her. However I don't understanding being with this man. His choices are disturbing and have ruined your relationship with your daughter.

May I suggest dump the dirtbag and take your daughter to family counseling.

yeah, I have had a complicated relationship with my daughter since she was 11 years old, this is a whole another story, she blames me for a lot of what has happened to her, and I can no longer help her through these issues, but I can let her test her wings, and hope she succeeds in life, the last encounter, i got beaten by her and end up with a concussion. Not safe to be around her, cut ties and let it be.
There is no question, that I love this man, there are good points in this relationship, just forgiving him and going forward with him is difficult, I believe everyone deserves some sort of chance.

Maybe you do want to give him another chance, but this should be the last one.

If there is any option of getting into counseling with him, I would do it. Last ditch effort and all.

Maybe you can't find it in you to truly forgive all of this. That's a hard one for anyone. I found myself in that same spot. I finally just had to say, 'alright, it happened. I can go on.' Just find 'acceptance' of the situation and not forgive it. Sometimes, that is the best you can do.

Alls I know, is that if someone wanted to this to me, in your scenerio, and then accuse me of cheating when he forgets that HE gave me the hickey, man, that guy would find his shit on the curb damned fast.

Sending you support, L~

I talked to him last night and told him how it made me feel when he accuses me, cause he does it quite a bit, like almost on a daily basis. I told him I couldn't deal with him accusing me anymore, and asked him point blank, are you cheating on me again? He answered me seriously and said no he isn't. I choose to believe him. He told me look at his phone, I said that doesnt prove anything, he can erase any entries he had in there. I understand Jealousy, to a point, everyone is jealous to a point. But his jealousy is getting out of hand. So I told him maybe he needed to move on if he cant deal with where I work. because that is an issue too. I just got hired in January with Security at our new casino. I work with a lot of guys, I'm not interested the least bit with any of them, but for some reason he accuses me of flirting around with them. So I just shared all this with him, and said, I can't put up with accusing me of flirting at work, I want to share the good times I have at work with my co workers, and who can I share them with but him. That is what life is about when your in a relationship, sharing your good and bad points about your day and recieving feedback. give and recieve. So I asked him too, do you want me to work and pay our bills, or would you rather me be home and look at you all day, so you can see I am not cheating. He didn't answer that one.I think he likes my pay days:) he calmed down and apologized and talked to me about his feelings of jealousy, and insecurity, and told me he would work on it. But I feel like everything has a two way street to it, I tend to want to kick him out everytime he does anything bad, cause I don't want to get hurt again. So I got to stop before I say those words, cause I know it hurts him, I know that is the affect I am trying for, but I need to stop because one day he will take me seriously, and leave. So I need to ask my self if that is what I am aiming for, do I really want him to leave? Or do I want him to hurt and say, I don't want to leave, I want to stay with you? Oh yeah and I also shared with him the attention we used to give each other when we first were together, the compliments, the sweet names, not being able to be apart, missing one another, and looking into each others eyes, laughing, enjoying each others company. It ended in a sweet note, we went shopping for easter baskets for my children and then on home.

thank you all for your support, it helped me a lot to talk here about this, and to gain understanding of what my feelings are and that they are validated and real. I'm sure this isn't a fantasy happy ending, but its the beginning of growth and start of moving forward and healing. It opened my eyes to a lot. And i know when I am down in the dumps and having odds with him, I can come here and recieve support. I am so thankful for Daily Strength.

Healthy relationships are about boundaries. That 18 year old whom he went to bed with can be your daughter, his daughter. I would keep him away from my children if I were in your shoes.

He is so direspectful to you. As for forgiveness, the best he can do is hope for it. You do not need to forgive such a loser.

What are his good points? Many times when we love someone, we see good things that just aren't there or at least don't undo the bad stuff. Bad ppl can do good things. Good ppl can do bad things.

If I get divorced or become a widow... I will never marry or live w/ a man again. I have 2 daughters that I would trust no man around.

Your daughter gave you a concussion.....How the hell? Dose your family have anger issues that need to be addressed? Many kids your daughters age blame their parents for whatever is wrong in their lives. Are you to blame? If so, it's ok..... try to make ammends. We all make mistakes as parents. I think it's ok to admit them and apologize.

My oldest daughter is 27 and at age 16-18 she was very wild. Doing drugs, stealing my car in the middle of the night. Showing me NO respect. I had to involve the law... she went to juvi a few times for short stays. She had to spend one x-mas in detention b/c she violated probation.She also went to re-hab for a month(best thing that ever happened to her) I know for a fact that part of it was due to mistakes or bad decisions on my part. Some of it was situational. Some of it was that she was in love w/ a bad boy...... but I did have to take responsibility for some of it and make ammends w/ her. We now have a strong relationship and are more like sisters. It is a awesome..... Love your daughter through this bad time she is going through.

People fear either what they have been exposed to, or what they are capable of. One rarely fears what they don't know about.

I don't live near volcanos, nor have I ever seen one, so I don't fear being consumed by one.
I do, however, cruise and live near the water and frequent the beach, so I fear shark attacks, tsunamis and sinking ships.

I don't cheat, so I never worried about my wife cheating. She was capable, so for years, she worried about me cheating. Then she cheated.

my daughter was molested by the man I married, from when she was 5yrs old to 11 yrs old. So in turn I am to blame, I go through my stage of self blame, but I accept it, forgive myself and move on. Its a daily thing with me. I will never completely forgive myself for choosing that man and letting him into our lives. I have 2 children with my EX husband. who was in prison, and just got released, Jan 7. He was deported to mexico, I pray everyday he don't try to cross that border, or I may have to go to prison my self.
as for his good points with present man, there is a lot, He provides for us, and we are friends, lovers, and we understand each other. He is everything in a man I have been looking for.
I was miserable beyond living w/o him. I was so happy when he showed up at my door step after the A. Asking for forgiveness, and giving it is totally for the person. Its a personal choice. My choice is to forgive him, and try to move on
I completely trust him with my children, I know he would never harm them in any way, not sexually, or physically.
There is a lot that I have to work on myself, as well as my boyfriend. My daughter I have let her go, she is no longer welcome in my home, because I don't feel safe around her, and I have a right to feel safe. She knows this too, being a victim herself, she respects it and abides by it. I have tried intervention, but I got no support from our family, because she is 18, and soon to be 19.

Did you have any suspicion that your daughter was being molested? I still say, don't give up on her. She needs to know that there is one person in this world that she can trust.Her trust was shattered. You do have a right to be safe.... but a letter telling her you will be there for her or a text. You are older and wiser..... it is never too late to repair a relationship w/ a daughter. It is so precious. The more time that goes by the harder it is to make ammends. You have a difficult situation for sure, wishing your family the best.

Thank you for the feedback all of you. I hope all will turn out for the best for myself and for my girl, I hope that we will all turn for the better. My honey came by work just to tell me, he loved me, missed me and can't wait until we can spend some time together out in the woods after work.
He kissed me, hugged me and held my hand. And looked me in my eyes with love and care.
Its not all going to be roses and tea, from here, but each one of us is working on our healing. It's going to be long and hard. But prayer, support, DS, and family will help us make it through.
Again thank you, no doubt I'll be back again for support and encouragement. I definately will be going through my highs and lows. you can count on it. love and prayers to all of you.

I also should have said that you can't blame yourself for your daughter being molested. Men like that prey on single mothers so they can gain access to the children. They also don't present themselves as monsters so that they gain the mother's trust. You both are victims and I am so sorry that happened to you and your daughter. Life sure is f'd up sometimes,huh?