Start believing in you because YOU are WORTH IT!
Do you realise that you can be more lonely in a room full of people if you are not with friends; someone that understands you....I've been there, I know and have felt less lonley all by myself.
If you stay they'll continue to grind your self esteem into the ground. Go lose yourself for a while (metaphorically) and completly find the real you, again.
Sometimes, you need to run to see who runs after you and when he does...refuse to go back until he treats you with the respect that you deserve. Big Hugs xx

Is there life after divorce?

Hell Yes!

First thing you need to do is get your ducks in a row.
Research divorce laws for your state
Set up an appointment with a lawyer, or two, or three...find out what your options are.
Get individual counseling, just every two weeks or so is a big help. You can talk, vent, ask questions, etc. without the risk of what you've said becoming common knowledge.
Find out what you need to do so that you can support yourself. Education - how long, how much, what financial assistance is available...
Once you have a better idea of what you need to do to free yourself you will start to feel that you have more control over your future. You can do these sort of things while still married - heck what's another 6 months?
You know that this 16 year relationship is toxic to your well being.. Better to start over at 30, then 5, 10, 20 years from now.

Of course there is life after divorce!

I enjoy my days of not listening to his lies, or wondering what he's pulling behind my back, or who is he doing now? it's a relief!

Listen to the advice here. Show no fear and go.

I can understand how hard this is for you..I think you will eventually do it when time is right. It takes preparation though.
I lived on my own since I was 15, I met my 1st husband at 16, got married at 18 and came to the US with my husband. When things started going bad, I just wanted it to be over. He didn't cheat, but there were other problems - he mildly abused me and used me to support him through college. The only good thing was we didn't have any kids. Non the less, I was left with an option to survive by myself at 19 in a strage country without any social supports - I had no family and no friends. If I had no money I would end up on the street. I couldn't go back either because I had even less back home.
So, the way I did it is I worked 2 jobs, I had an apartment in a dangerous part of town and I ate ramen noodles for 2-3 years.
I kept getting promotions and eventually, I made it to where I wanted to be. I dated, but never let anyone close. I had lots of time to figure out who I was and what kind of person I want to meet. Eventually I met my new husband (but that's another story).
Besides having some new marital problems, my life is realy good now - went to college, I have a great job and a nice house, I bought the car I wanted to have, we go on vacations and have big parties. We are not rich, but I feel more secure than ever in my life.
Obviously, there has to be a reason why you married so young. Trust me, I of all people, understand.
You never got a chance to find yourself alone, away from your husband. You can still do that, if you want.
If you never lived on your own, you need to have a good plan on how to leave and what you are going to survive after. You probably have children, I assume.
1.Assess which people in your family would be willing to help. 2. Your state has multiple resources to help women. You can start by calling an organization for abused women. If you are not abused, they can still refer you to sources regarding counseling for you and kids, work, food, shelter and help with lawyers. If your husband will be civil about divorce, that's great. If not, you will know what to do.
You have the power to change your life.
When I found out about the affairs my husband had, In the first week I had a list of apartments and a list of expenses I will have if I moved with the kids. I still may do that if he ever gives me ANY reason to be unhappy.
Good luck!!!

As long as your H, refuses to give up his whore, I see no hope for your marriage. You are still very young, don't waste another second on or with someone who shows no respect to you. You deserve someone who will love, honor and cherish you. Don't settle.

Start making yourself the priority. Take care of yourself, mentally and physically. Ask GOD to help you with this. He will if you just ask. He want's only the best for you! He has a plan for you, and it doesn't include a selfish, weak, character flawed cheat either.

Prayers for you!

Plan, Plan, Plan.

The first thing you need to do ( and by the way, your husband sounds like a chronic emotional abuser as well) is plan. Get your ducks in a row, as some have said. Figure out everything FINANCIALLY first. See a lawyer. Get a ballpark idea how much alimony/child support you would be entitled to, how much of the house if you own, etc. You will need a ball park estimate so you know what you can live on.

Pick somewhere cheap to rent, an efficiency to start, etc. Remind yourself its a start and not permanent. That way you could save up money to be able to afford something better.

And, if I were you, and I am not, I wouldn't rush into dating. I would get counseling and spend all kinds of time with friends and going out, but nothing serious until ALL and I mean ALL feelings for your ex have resolved.

When I got divorced, ( I was with him from 13-26), it took me eight months. I left my house and took my kids and moved into a townhouse. It took me eight months and only eight months to get "over" my husband who kept cheating on me.

I kinda didn't deal with what was underneath though and picked not one, but two men just like him- cheaters.

Just be careful.

My mistakes were I didn't learn to love me again, or even find out who I was and I set my standards REAL LOW just so that I wouldn't be alone. Yeah... don't do that. Had I not done that, I wouldn't be here.

Take care of you.

Thanks, everyone. I have something to admit--And I know this is going to sound cheesy, but before I found DS, I found it very difficult to open up to anyone about my situation--ANYONE. Unless you've actually been through what I've been through, it's hard to understand the emotional roller-coaster that you're on after you find out. I read all of your posts, and as odd as it seems, I feel the slightest bit stronger than I did before I joined the group. I've even started to think that I just might be able to find the strength to leave after all. Of course, it's going to take some time, a lot of prayer, and hopefully a lot of support from you all, but dang it, if everyone else can make it, maybe I can too. I still wrestle with self-esteem and confidence issues, but I'm sure that it takes time to heal from that. I'm a work in progress. Thank you, all!

RT

Hey, I think we are all way too familiar with your situation to NOT lend support. That's what we're here for! Stay in touch and we all hope you do well.