Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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feelings have changed

socrushed
socrushed
I have not felt close to my H for awhile now. This makes me wonder if it is the beginning of the end. He will tell me that he loves me and I do say it back, but I haven't said it first in a long time. Although I believe I still do love him, the feeling that I used to have for him is no longer there.

I used to just look at him and that made me want to hug him, so I would! Thats the feeling that isn't there anymore. But yet I can't imagine not being with him either. I'm so confused right now.

And trying to talk with him about this hasn't went well in a long time. I'm not sure if I should even share this with him. Should I tell him that my feelings have changed and I;m not sure if it's temporary or permanent?

I know he knows when something is bothering me. I wish he would say something comforting or write me another letter on his own this time. I had asked him to tell me in a letter exactly what he was sorry for. It was very detailed and made me feel alot better. Although of course the sadness always comes back. But anyway, I wish he would say something to me.
deleted_user
deleted_user
The fact that you wish he would reach out to you tells me you still have feelings for him. I think those feelings can be found. They just get worn away by day to day life. If he spends some good times with you and puts some effort in, you may very well feel them again. He won't do that unless he knows how you need it. Chances are he also feels distant and longs for the closeness.
deleted_user
deleted_user
OMG, the feelings you have described is exactly how I feel, I want that feeling of love and butterflies back, I want the H back that I met that I loved with no reservations. I don't know what I can do, I can't talk to my H about how I feel any longer as he just says things like "well if that is how you feel there is no point in going on". Like you my H tells me he loves me everyday, but I struggle to say it, I only make love to keep him happy not because I want to although I do what to when he is noth there but the minute he is back the feeling goes away. I so hate this life the way it has gone.
What did we ever do to deserve feeling like this?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm not trying to be rude to anyone but wake up people. He can't make your butterflies come back but you can. It's never another person's responsibility to take care of how you feel. I've felt this way before (everyone does at some point) but I too had to realize what I needed and wanted in life. Everyone gets a bit unsure and everything gets old and boreing. I mean really, how do you get butterflies when the kids are screaming, your working like a dog to pay bills, your husband had a bad day at work, you gained weight, the grass needs mowed. Whatever it is that distracts people from intimacy will happen. You find a way to get it back. Make plans and fire up your relationship. Now , you can't control him but you can let him/her know what you want and need. Remember when sex was the only thing you thought about with your partner? Help him/her remember.
Now, if you don't get a positive response I would say the two of you need to have a serious talk, right?
socrushed
socrushed
@ grandcten:

I guess I should clarify that I have been married for 28 years and I have NEVER lost the feelings that I was describing, until now. That is why I worry about what will be next. I told my counselor that I thought it was so neat that I still felt so in love with my H after so many years. I think that is why this is so crushing for me. Maybe with more time it will come back?
deleted_user
deleted_user
The same thing happen with my wife. I wish she had told me early on that something was wrong so that I could have worked on the problems before that got out of hand. Tell your H that you think your marriage is in danger and that you want to see a counselor together. The two of you have to talk more about what you are feeling and how to make it better. I can't believe that my wife is willing to give up on 11 years without giving me and the marriage a chance to make it better like it was before. I never thought there was a problem because we were always joking and laughing. Now I'm going crazy to figure out how to make things better. Talk now with him before it gets too late.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Talk to your husband right away and go see a counsellor. Read marriage saving books I just read a good one and itt brought a new sense of hope because I cheated on my wife and she now says she is not in love with me any more.
She is not even willing to talk and is already planning to date a guy at work once the divorce is final,
You can get those feelings again. At this point all you feel is anger and resentment but I assure you if you and your husband are willing to work on your problems in an open and honest way you will be fine.
I wish my wife would give me a second chance but it doesn't seem like it.
I'm sorry for what you're going through and good luck.
LyraAryn
LyraAryn
The way a person treats you, or behaves with you, or if a person hurts you will indeed affect the way you feel about him/her. You are responsible for your actions, but your feelings and emotions can most certainly be influenced by another's words, actions, or behaviors. You can still love your husbad and long for him to love you the way he once did, but also realize that his actions have changed the way you feel about him and how you behave with him. You can tell your spouse exactly what you need and are craving, but he may not care. That leaves you feeling more rejected.
I think it's a bit simplistic for some to suggest that a good firing up is what you need to do.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think that if you have been married 28 years, you can recommit yourselves for the next 28. You both need to work 100% on rebuilding the marriage. If you wait for the other person to do all the work, you will be waiting a long time. My H and I have been married 10 years and I'm not about to let his one affair take my hard earned time, effort, family, etc. If he wants to stay married, (which he does) we both have to put in 100% of the effort to make it work.
I suggest asking how much he wants to stay married and how much effort he's willing to put into saving such a precious thing. Then, no matter how hard the road, you know you're on that road together!