Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
thought that I would share this exercise from Marriage Counseling session.
(less than 5 months out from DDAY)
what do we want and need in a healthy marriage?
BS needs the following from WS;
BS: validation, respect, 100 percent honesty (intellectual, emotional) needs to know what WS is thinking and feeling all the time, if WS doesn't tell BS, that will cause BS to project and go into state of fear.
needs reassurance, validation, see remorse
needs to see that behavior is changing bc behavior is the proof. actions vs words
needs patience and empathy for degree of hurt that BS has
needs WS to understand that for BS, he still doesn't feel ,that regardless of what happens, we may not still be together.
BS can't promise anything at this time.
needs me to listen to BS when he is emotional or when he is in his own head, his descriptions of what he's feeling.
needs me to feel comfortable enough to tell him if he's being disrespectful or speaking out of anger so as not to put up a wall, rather call him on it.
needs and wants to establish and define boundaries that we will agree to adhere to internally -- in our own thoughts, with friends, members of opposite sex, coworkers, be aware of over sharing and over confiding outside of the marriage.
needs and wants to make sure we have physical intimacy - sex, pda, handholding, touch in general bc it is calming and illicit firm connection and reassurance. Need to make any kind of physical connection a priority.
wants and needs honest communication, eye contact, speaking from the heart
wants and needs to make time for couple time whatever that may be
- talking either during nightcap or cuddling on couch or in bed
wants and needs me to work on my patience with daughter -- makes BS sad and angry when im not able to exercise restraint with her bc my emotional distress makes BS think i will act out and look for an escape.
BS wants me to look at him as the escape.
wants and needs WS to continue to explore WS shortcomings
WS needs the following from BS;
what kind of marriage to we want? balanced, mutual respect, sharing, caring
WSs wants and needs:
i want to be understood, appreciated, and prove my devotion to BS, i want to be cherished and i want to cherish BS and show him that he is the only one who matters.
i want to be believed that i'm serious and committed to this relationship.
i want to continue my introspective journey and self awareness to be a better wife and person.
i need affection and open honest communication.
i want BS to tell me his thoughts whether they are good or bad.
i want BS to not be afraid to tell me what he's thinking.
i want BS to not avoid conflict and not shut down and leave the room during a heated conversation when he feels frustrated by it. i do not let him walk away.
i want to accept criticism for my faults, acknowledge that i have them and change them to be in a more balanced appreciative relationship
what kind of husband do i want?
one that understands me, cherishes me, calls me on my faults, accepts our differences, shows me his love and emotion.
(less than 5 months out from DDAY)
what do we want and need in a healthy marriage?
BS needs the following from WS;
BS: validation, respect, 100 percent honesty (intellectual, emotional) needs to know what WS is thinking and feeling all the time, if WS doesn't tell BS, that will cause BS to project and go into state of fear.
needs reassurance, validation, see remorse
needs to see that behavior is changing bc behavior is the proof. actions vs words
needs patience and empathy for degree of hurt that BS has
needs WS to understand that for BS, he still doesn't feel ,that regardless of what happens, we may not still be together.
BS can't promise anything at this time.
needs me to listen to BS when he is emotional or when he is in his own head, his descriptions of what he's feeling.
needs me to feel comfortable enough to tell him if he's being disrespectful or speaking out of anger so as not to put up a wall, rather call him on it.
needs and wants to establish and define boundaries that we will agree to adhere to internally -- in our own thoughts, with friends, members of opposite sex, coworkers, be aware of over sharing and over confiding outside of the marriage.
needs and wants to make sure we have physical intimacy - sex, pda, handholding, touch in general bc it is calming and illicit firm connection and reassurance. Need to make any kind of physical connection a priority.
wants and needs honest communication, eye contact, speaking from the heart
wants and needs to make time for couple time whatever that may be
- talking either during nightcap or cuddling on couch or in bed
wants and needs me to work on my patience with daughter -- makes BS sad and angry when im not able to exercise restraint with her bc my emotional distress makes BS think i will act out and look for an escape.
BS wants me to look at him as the escape.
wants and needs WS to continue to explore WS shortcomings
WS needs the following from BS;
what kind of marriage to we want? balanced, mutual respect, sharing, caring
WSs wants and needs:
i want to be understood, appreciated, and prove my devotion to BS, i want to be cherished and i want to cherish BS and show him that he is the only one who matters.
i want to be believed that i'm serious and committed to this relationship.
i want to continue my introspective journey and self awareness to be a better wife and person.
i need affection and open honest communication.
i want BS to tell me his thoughts whether they are good or bad.
i want BS to not be afraid to tell me what he's thinking.
i want BS to not avoid conflict and not shut down and leave the room during a heated conversation when he feels frustrated by it. i do not let him walk away.
i want to accept criticism for my faults, acknowledge that i have them and change them to be in a more balanced appreciative relationship
what kind of husband do i want?
one that understands me, cherishes me, calls me on my faults, accepts our differences, shows me his love and emotion.
Are these the goals or your assignment to have completed by your next MC appointment.
so its not that we have to have these things completed by next MC (which is this evening at 7pm), but the task was to come up w this list for this evenings session.
rebuilding is not for the weak. We are in MC and I feel like a weight lifted every time we leave her office. I feel we are heading in the right direction.
a support group for rebuilding, I don't know if you looked it up.
given 1/5 was DIVORCE, the lowest I could give was 2.
She is working on herself though.... MC helps..... I've made a lot of progress with my own IC as we are not even 5 months past Dday
I'm starting to believe she is truly remorseful and that she truly wants to save the marriage
I've told her multiple times, saving the marriage isn't my priority or number 1 goal right now...my number 1 goal, is to maintain my sanity and be able to get thru each day without crumbling.