Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I have no idea how I let my life get so screwed up!! Im married to a wonderful man who is a great provider and takes wonderful care of myself and my 2 children, only he doesn't provide the emotional support that I myself needs. I met a man where I work and started up a friendship with him, just talking and texting on the phone..i would c him occasionally at work and say hi and exchange the occasional "we know something they don't know smile" and he always made my day to talk to...Never was there anything sexual, strictly platonic...Im 39 years old, hes 32...my husband is 42...for the past couple of years I have been having trouble with my hormones and have hardly any sex drive, my husbands drive on the other hand is thru the roof....he doesn't understand my lack of interest in sex and in some ways I can understand...but when I don't have sex every time that he wants to he literally sulks up and pouts like a 2 year old...recently I found out that he was "sexting" with a friend of mine...so I approached him about it and told him all about my friend....we both came clean and I thought things were getting better..but now it just seems to be getting out of hand..i haven't had contact with my friend and as far as I know my husband hasn't had any other phone contact with his, but he still is consumed with sex...I feel as if that is the only reason he wants me around..to help pay the bills and have sex...my platonic friend I didn't have to worry about hearing "when are we gonna have sex" or am I gonna get laid tonight???? it was nice just to be able to talk to someone and not having to worry about the topic of sex!! I just need some advice...I think my husband may be a sex addict and I may be totally in the wrong support group but somebody help me please..i feel like a cheap whore even in my own home by my own husband....I don't know how I got so depressed, so down, so lost.....I don't know if I'll ever find myself again.... :(
Us men take this sexual avoidance personally (Not saying that it's right).
You both better get your shit together before you end up in a mess. Please take all of this very seriously and address it.
This includes your lack of sexual interest.
I was giving him both though so it is extra offensive.
Stop what you are
Doing and he has to stop or your marriage is over.
You should tell him what you've done and tell him you need counseling . If he wants to make it work he will try.
Also: have either of you seen a doctor about libido issues? It's possible that your husband's testosterone levels are too high and need to be adjusted. It's also possible you may have some underlying health condition which is driving yours away.
It's very difficult to get past this issue without assistance. Guys feel so ripped off when their women start to lose interest in sex. Especially if you and he were wild little monkeys early in your relationship. I've heard many a guy refer to it as "bait and switch"... we're sex crazed fiends until we get married, then we're sweet little nuns. Understandable why they'd get frustrated.
On the flip side... what happened to our chivalrous door-opening-dinner-paying-flower-bringing-prince-charmings!? We get married and we get the burp/fart factories who live on our couches with remotes in hand. How many wives have complained, "We never go out anymore!?" It's no wonder we get frustrated.
There are definitely ways of meeting in the middle, though. It takes work, especially to get in the habit, but it can happen.
It was the precipitating behavior that led my H to believe he was allowed to have a sexual A.
We are now years out of the A and into our rebuilding. Sex drives still don't match but with lots of effort on both parts we have found some common ground. Sometimes I just am sexual for the sake of his needs and sometimes because I want it. Sometimes I say no and he no longer pouts. I highly reccomend counseling to find this place where you can fulfill his needs and he yours not out of obligation but a true desire to see your marriage and spouse happy.
Men attach an emotional factor to lack of sex. Meaning if we don't want sex we must not love and desire them as people. Where as woman need to be loved and desired as a person in order to want sexual closeness. This is a generalization of course and doesn't apply to all but many.
I find if I am sexual with him he is more emotionaly open with me. Our best talks are after we have had sex and he is open and relaxed.
Secondly, i am a firm believer that sex is never expected in a relationship, and there are times when one partner is desperate for it, and the other has no desire for it. it is finding things to bridge that gap with out the pressure of sex from either side. And if he cannot understand that you are not in the mood, or you just dont want it, than he needs to grow up.
I do agree with a couple others on here who suggest counseling.