As a recently retired psychologist, I used EMDR therapy as my primary psychotherapy treatment and I've also personally had EMDR therapy for anxiety, panic, grief, and small t trauma. As a client, EMDR worked extremely well and also really fast. As an EMDR therapist, and in my (now retired) role as a facilitator who trained other therapists in EMDR therapy (certified by the EMDR International Association and trained by the EMDR Institute, both of which I strongly recommend in an EMDR therapist) I have used EMDR therapy successfully with panic disorders, PTSD, anxiety, depression, grief, body image, phobias, distressing memories, bad dreams, and many other problems. It's a very gentle method with no significant "down-side" so that in the hands of a professional EMDR therapist, there should be no freak-outs or worsening of day-to-day functioning. It should be very helpful dealing with the pain of an unfaithful spouse!

One of the initial phases (Phase 2) in EMDR therapy involves preparing for memory processing or desensitization (memory processing or desensitization - phases 3-6 - is often what is referred to as "EMDR" which is actually an 8-phase method of psychotherapy). In this phase resources are "front-loaded" so that you have a "floor" or "container" to help with processing the really hard stuff, as well as creating strategies if you're triggered in everyday life. In Phase 2 you learn a lot of great coping strategies and self-soothing techniques which you can use during EMDR processing or anytime you feel the need.

In phase 2 you learn how to access a Safe or Calm Place which you can use at ANY TIME during EMDR processing (or on your own) if it feels scary, or too emotional, too intense. One of the key assets of EMDR therapy is that YOU, the client, are in control NOW, even though you werent in the past, during traumatic events and/or panic/anxiety, or whatever disturbance(s) on which youre working. You NEVER need re-live an experience or go into great detail, ever! You NEVER need to go through the entire memory. YOU can decide to keep the lights (or the alternating sounds and/or tactile pulsars, or the waving hand, or any method of bilateral stimulation that feels okay to you) going, or stop them, whichever helps titrate measure and adjust the balance or dose of the processing. During EMDR processing there are regular breaks and you can control when and how many but the therapist should be stopping the bilateral stimulation every 25-50 passes of the lights to ask you to take a deep breath and say just a bit of what youre noticing, anything different, any changes. (The stimulation should not be kept on continuously, because there are specific procedures that need to be followed to process the memory). The breaks help keep a foot in the present while youre processing the past. Again, and I cant say this enough, YOU ARE IN CHARGE so YOU can make the process tolerable. And your therapist should be experienced in the EMDR therapy techniques that help make it the gentlest and safest way to detoxify bad life experiences and build resources.

Grounding exercises are essential. You can use some of the techniques in Dr. Shapiro's new book "Getting Past Your Past: Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR." Dr. Shapiro is the founder/creator of EMDR but all the proceeds from the book go to two charities: the EMDR Humanitarian Assistance Program and the EMDR Research Foundation). The book is an easy read, helps you understand what's "pushing" your feelings and behavior, helps you connect the dots from past experiences to current life. Also gives lots of really helpful ways that are used during EMDR therapy to calm disturbing thoughts and feelings.

Pacing and dosing are critically important. So if you ever feel that EMDR processing is too intense then it might be time to go back over all the resources that should be used both IN session and BETWEEN sessions.

Many organizations, professional associations, departments of health of many countries, have given their "stamp of approval" to EMDR therapy. There are 35 randomized controlled (and 20 nonrandomized) studies that have been conducted on EMDR therapy in the treatment of trauma, and many more on other psychological and physical conditions.

irst emdr 8-13 945

Starting thought red shirt pic from her phone taken night before on AP8 bed..dec 19th morning..smoking gun

Feelings starting w tension, anxiety, stomach, legs
Mild head ache left temple

Emdr starts
Thoughts move to
daughter and dog playing in living room. daughter laughing
Kids playing w dog, teasing her, dog tail wagging
WW walking to living room from hallway. Stopping and standing watching them
Then her shirt change to the red shirt from photo
2nd AP face
Then band i was in w 2nd AP
band gig
WW and and eBFF in audience
exBFF and WW camping
eBFF and her BS and her kids
then AP1 photo from his FB page



By end, I was relaxed

Some NET tapping exercises thru out
Humming tunes.
Started w TAPS, ended w Beethoveens 5th

After session, went to bathroom and was thinking the words
I Feel More Calm, to the melody of the 5th symphony

so my first EMDR was last THU....over the weekend, i would try to pull up the memory i used to start the EMDR...the photo i found on my WW iPhone the morning of dday.

when i bring the memory up

i know this sounds crazy

but the photo is darker...the contrast is really black and white....its blurry...grainy.... the colors aren't as vibrant....

at some points, when id bring the memory up...instesd of seeing an iPhone w a photo, i saw a postage stamp....way smaller...harder to see any detail

when i forced myself to bring up the memory in all its color, i instantly felt a pain in my forehead above both eyes.... i changed my thought and the pain in my head dispersed.

now..i wonder if its the EMDR...or if i am just a chump for trying this stuff

EMDR WEDS Aug 19

the 19th of Aug....the 19th is always a tough date...its the anniversary of DDAY from DEC 19th 2014

weds, i was ok when i woke, but had major anxiety all days as I got closer to work. couldn't shake it at all. could feel my skin...it was like a fight of something try to get out and something trying to crush me from outside in

EMDR.... started w a vision, not a memory of my wife in my basement w a former friend of mine who was in a band of mine...he had an affair w my wife, then an affair w her toxic exBFF then tried to sexually force himself on the singer in our band

horrible visions of him...in my house....w my wife
but not memories...just visualizations of what my wife confessed

started w graphic visions....then saw my dog...then our garden...then weeds and tomatoes in the garden ...then my daughter smiling...then my son catching grasshoppers...then an evening of backyard camping....a box of morning star chick patties we make for dinner for the kids here and there...a vision of the smoking gun photo i found on my wives phone the morning of DEC 19th.. song from North Mississippi Allstars keep popping up in my head... visons of band dinner party at his place...vision of him trying to force my wife to perform oral sex on him when he gave her a tour of his house, w me and his wife, and rest of band one floor below...visions of dinner party at my house, visions of dinner party at another band members house..ended w a vision of him standing in my basement fully clothed while wife sits on floor fully clothed.

she says the visions i have, are not what happened... sex yes..but what plays in my mind...no

i was a mess the rest of the night

being in the house w kids and wife just send my anxiety over edge. tried to play some video games w them...but we were in the the basement...were she had sex w two different men...and i just couldn't stay

went and layer down in kids room under ceiling fan.... and started thinking about "i don't think i can do another day of this..." ...maybe death would be better.....

tears streaming from my eyes.... hyperventilating.. thoughts of buying a gun and methodically going to each of the 8 affair partners houses....bam....and her toxic exBFF...bam

additionally, two other men she met via Ashley Madison, so that being in the news is a trigger as well

kids got to sleep....we talked a bit outside.... somedays i want to leave...somedays i want to stay...

this morning, no freak out on the way to work....

emir part 3 FRI. i think instead of visualizing a scene....im just going to visualize the guy...who was a friend and bandmate at one point.....

talking w wife about the session...she had to force me to talk...so when i finally did and told her of the thoughts.... she stops me and says "no. that isn't what happened" ...then stops me as says "the order of the dinner parties is wrong. it didn't go like that"

boom...i shut down at the point. i ask "If you didn't care why ask?.... why do you have to point out when i am wrong...i KNOW the order wasn't right, but thats how it played in my head

i told her she and her father have an uncanny ability to stop a conversation dead in its tracks

So ( WEDS)after emdr
I brought up the vision again to see if it changed like the memory of the photo

It didn't
I still saw it like I always saw it

Thur
I brought it up
But instead of me watching it unfold I front of me
The change was that
I was the director of the scene and could dictate what each character will do

So I'd think
"former friend who slept with my wife" , punch yourself in the face
Get a sledgehammer and smash your nuts with it

WW,Get tin snips, cut off his pecker and stick it down his throat so he chokes to death slowly

A bit violent for sure
But it dawned on me that I took control of the vision instead of letting the visons victimize me

Was it the Emdr?
Don't know

But that was the FIRST time that vision EVER changed playing in my head

Actually
By end of emdr session weds
The vision did change

Instead of seeing AP2 and WW having sex on the floor in my basement he was standing fully clothed away from her and she was sitting fully clothed on the floor

Last night I'd have visions of him dressed like a clown juggling

Or WW kneeing him in the face and nuts

My fav was a vision of him putting on a vest made of c4 and the going out to the back yard and exploding!!!! :-) it was very Monty Pythonesque!

I asked the EMDR therapist if that should be a concern. He said, NO. Its more of something you would have dreamed about, and EMDR therapy finishes during your dreams after a session. He said although it was violent, it was thoughts of reputribution and empowerment coming out.

I also realized that I'm never in the scenes I see
Just writing it behind the scene

at the end of the 2nd session, i laughed and said
SO, HOW AM I DOING?

he said.."ok.....its a long way...we have a lot of stuff to slug thru at this point"

Interesting discussion at EMDR session
5th session. 2 Emdr , 2 relexation exercises, and today was a discussion about how it bugs me, that things dont bug me.

I asked if its normal.
He said, No. It isnt normal. Its not normal how you feel right now given the situation, BUT its very healthy. Normal is average. Normal doesnt equate HEALTH. Our goal isnt to get you to be normalour goal is to get you to be healthy. They arent the same thing.

He said, that the forums and books ive read, and time frames of 2-5 years.he said , that is most likely NORMAL.ie AVERAGE..
He asked , if that is NORMAL , do you think it was HEALTHY for people to be in that amount of pain and distress for 2-5 years?