Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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Shadowdancer40 03/08/2008

Okay, guys here is a bit of my story. My husband lost his goddamn mind one day. He treated me so bad it ain't even funny. I was scared as HELL and so were the kids. He did some pretty fucked up things. Left me and his two kids to be with OW. Got her pregnant...TWICE. Back to back babies.
NOW his sorry-ass wants to come back home. I filed for a divorce. I paid the lawyer $5,000 as a retainer fee from money from "his" account. My lawyer says I have the upper hand because:
I stayed in the house and he left.
I already paid lawyer upfront for divorce.
He has a mistress and two illegitemate kids.
I can fill first for child support and will get more funds to take care of my kids then if I waited for them to break-up and she files.
I am housewife.
I have an order in the custody papers that states he "can not force" children to go with them if they dont want to.
My son called the Sheriff's on his dad and they have a 911 tape.
He will not be able to hid all assests.
I still love this asshole I call my husband,sad but true. He says he made a HUGE mistake, wants to treat me like a queen, will never do it again, please give him a second chance, musta' been mid-life crisis, pleads temporary insanity...blah,blah,blah.
I no that I will look like a goddamn FOOL to most folks if I took my husband back.....especially if he is trying to trick me. There is a part of me that thinks I can do this. I can stay and so what we have two extra children from a fucking hoe,tramp-ass bitch!
My other mind says, "Divorce his stupid-ass, don't trust him! Let him and her raise two kids in diapers while my kids are bigger and we can split all our assests and h can pay ME child support instead of HER funky trampy ass!
Okay, I dont even know what my fuckin' point was. I'm just angry,humiliated,afraid,scared and I really don't know WHAT i want to do. I am hard working, traditionaly, obiedient housewife for years and he does this to me. I AM FUCKING PISSED!!!!! I want vengence. I want hime to love me (and not be lieing,plotting,and scheming cuz every foul ass thing he tried to do to me backed fired on him and he looks like a fucking FOOL)
If i stay will i regret it for the rest of my life or will we grow stronger and happier. If i leave will i find the love of my life out there somewhere who will treat me and love me with as much passion as I would for them?

deleted_user 03/08/2008

I think you should go ahead with the divorce. Then you can decide if you want to take him back, that way you'll be protected. The childsupport issue is very real. If you divorce and don't take him back, you'll get first pick for the support. If you don't file and end up leaving or he cheats again, you'll get screwed like I did. The things that happened will always be there, you can have a happy healthy marriage after an affair but what happened will always be in your mind somewhere and with him around it takes much longer to heal. At least this is my opinion. Don't let them screw you anymore! You don't have to decide to stay with him right now but you do have to decide to protect yourself and your children right now, from the what if's.

deleted_user 03/08/2008

Shadow, I feel your pain, honey. It's hard. Hang in there! You sound like a strong woman. I know I am taking it one moment at a time. Some moments are better, but I still cry every day at least 5 times. It depresses me so much to think the man who supposedly loves me would do this to me. Good luck to you!

deleted_user 03/08/2008

I took mine back and now a year later he was with her again. Not saying that yours would be the same way but these 2 kids will always be a part of your life and you will have to deal with them. Whether its because he is a part of their lives or just in the support he is going to have to pay.

That being said, my h`s whore every now and then tries to say that her 3 yr old daughter is my husbands and we have an 11 year old son. I have filed for support for him and did it first so that we will get more then she will if she ever decides to do the paternity test that he wants done.

I wish you the best I know its hard to deal with. I would do whatever is best for your and your children. Take Care

deleted_user 03/08/2008

I love scotch & water, but if I drink to much I get sick as a dog. So I have learned to drink small amounts. You love your husband but he is an ASS-HOLE to you, I am so sorry you need to leave his sorry butt ( just like I have learned to drink my scotch every now & then) and let the other woman have him, because I'm sure he'll do it to her sooner or later, get in there now for child support before he does cheat on his OW and has kids with some other tramp too. I am so sorry you have to deal with this. I wish you the very best of luck.

deleted_user 03/08/2008

Tearful
I love your scotch and water alalogy!

Shadow,
I just dont see the point of taking him back. He is confused and he knows he fucked up but that does not mean he is changed.

My advice for what it is worth, divorce, get the finaces settled. Tell him to leave her, live alone, be celbate, go to counseling and whatwever 12 step he fits and then maybe see him occasionally on the side. If you check on him now and then, and do not think he is seeing her or another, maybe consider couples counseling, after he has been compliant for 6 months or so. see if he can do it, see if he treats you well. My guess, he wont even leave her unless he can go directly from her bed to yours. he is not a real strong person, so asking these things will require some real effort on his part.

wha5tever you do we will not judge you, we are all fools for love here!

deleted_user 03/08/2008

Go through the divorce. I'm with jcry on this one. If it was meant to be, go from there. You will have a constant reminder with the OW children, so that is a tough one. My STBX is wishy-washy, but I am getting stronger everyday and I am determined to see this divorce through and see what happens later. What if, is determined only by you at this point in your life, and your kids will always respect you for your decisions concerning their future.

deleted_user 03/09/2008

What Nave said...

deleted_user 03/09/2008

You deserve a chance at real happiness! I am still with my husband of 22 years. He had an affair years ago, and I can tell you the feeling of not trusting your spouse, and feeling inferior never go away. I wish I had the courage to take that step towards independence and happiness.

deleted_user 03/09/2008

Divorce him, Maam. You have more to gain from him leavin than stayin, if only to keep your boy from having to call 911 ever again. My Daddy was just the same, and it didn't end real well. Divorce him. I'm bettin he knows everything you know, and put down on that list and he's pissin his pants terrified. I hope you get everything, including a new love who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
Divorce him. Divorce him. Divorce him.

deleted_user 03/09/2008

Divorce him.

deleted_user 03/09/2008

Relive and regret. Divorce him.

deleted_user 03/09/2008

If he has two babies with this OW then he has been with her for a long time. He wants his cake and eat it too. You deserve better! Don't let him fool you into thinking that he can be monogamous with you-or anyone for that fact. We here at DS are all for staying and working things out but not in harmful and such horrible conditions as yours. Especially where children have to go through fear. We are here to help you be strong (although you sound very strong already having to go through all this. You will find someone who will love and respect you the way you deserve. You just need to let this one go...he is not what you and your children need. Keep us informed of how your doing because we really care about you! Hugs to you.

deleted_user 03/09/2008

I would consider continuing with the divorce. Get everything legalized, for you and your son's benefit. By all that you have said of him, I think you already know the answer. I agree with Nave-he's looking for a place to get out of where he is-from her bed to yours. He's not thinking of either of you or any of his children-all he's thinking about is himself and whats best, for him. I wouldn't rush into letting him return home with you. Take it step by step, have him prove to you, its you he really wants to be with-and not an escape from his present situation.

BUT do continue with divorce, receiving the financial support you deserve. Protect yourself and son before making any decisions of his return. My personal thoughts is he's hoping to get out of any support payments and losing out on any assets you share. I wouldn't trust anything he says right now-take your time.

deleted_user 03/09/2008

no doubt divorce. He has been with her long enough to get two babies. I am sorry there is no future there. He is playing games with both of you. Take your money and go.

Shadowdancer40 03/10/2008

Well, I talk to him tonight. I told him that "actions speak louder than words." I told him that he already knows what he needed to do long ago when we discussed it before. I told him leave her and get your own place and I will see you are serious. I told him, "You keep telling me what you are going to do,but you never DO anything." He is still at her house,sleeping in her bed. He says that I need to go over his mistress house and claim my husband and tell her that I want my husband to come home.

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