Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Seriously, so shattered. Haven't eaten in days, haven't slept. How do you
lovely people do this? I guess I'm just hoping for someone to hold my hand.
A reassuring word maybe. I thought I knew my husband. I thought I knew what
our life was about and where it was going. Going on 20 years of marriage.
I fought cancer for 6 years, I beat it. Almost died a couple times but bounced
back. I thought I had the best husband in the world. Come to find out as a police
officer he was having sex with another woman a couple times a week for atleast
two years and they've known eachother for 15. I'm only a few days into finding out.
And how do i find out? Ha, the biggest joke of all and I guess the joke's on me. An
old social media post and there she is half naked with his uniform hanging in the
background. Dear God! I'm a pretty girl, not to toot my horn but witty and smart.
Not to sound mean and believe me this definitely is coming from a place of hate because that's
where I'm at, she's fugly and fat, and maybe worst of all dumb as a post, but she was willing
I guess so maybe that was enough. I guess I'm not even broken I'm shattered. Should we go on?
Do I all it quits? Yes we have children and hopes and dreams and all that jazz. Once a cheater
always a cheater? Of course I get the old song and dance "You're the only woman I want for the
rest of my life." WTF!!! Really? At this point I am disgusted by his mere presence and the movie of them together
won't stop playing in my head. It's going to be the death of me if I can't move past this.
Ha, I'll take cancer any day. Atleast you know what you're up against.
Say it until it is bedazzled on your psyche. We all have days where we almost feel “normal”. Other days it is such a cluster that making it to the next breath seems impossible. You’ve handled worse-no, really worse—than this. You are not a survivor. You are a thriver. Your power is to battle what is in front of you. You didn’t ask for cancer or a cheating spouse. You developed a plan for battling cancer. So, too, for battling a cheater. And, you get to decide the when and how of your fight.
Every cheater’s story has ONE single thread—their decision is theirs, alone. It comes packaged in so many, many ways but the kernel of it is he chose. Not you. HIM.
You will be ok. While you travel this road, there are days which suck. Knowing it will be ok in the future doesn’t make getting up easier. Doesn’t make looking in the mirror easier. You will question him, yourself, your reality and all those moments in between. It is ok. Reflection is not unhealthy. But, have that glass of wine (or 4!!). Cope the way you cope. There is no “right way” to do this. Read books, websites and talk with trusted friends and a good therapist. This is your treatment team. Use the team—it exists for a reason.
For me, I have taken this opportunity to fix my life. I was gaslighted for years. I was lied to and took the blame for his decisions for way too long. All in the name of “marriage” and “family”. Guess what? He cheated even though I was his “everything”. He cheated with a married woman whose kids who slept down the hall while they groaned and writhed together. Just recently, he revealed that his disclosure was selected to minimize how emotionally involved he actually was. His ongoing lies have left me in an all too familiar place....but this time I know better. I am NOT his bitch anymore. I have choices too—including to end our marriage.
His continued lying paints wholly different picture of who I thought I knew. His claim to being “honest” with me and it being false reverberates back to the Kaaba number of years. Yet, I know he is a liar. He did things that the man I “knew” never would have. He blamed me for his failings and choices. But he is a liar. So, if I know he is a liar and what he says doesn’t make sense., then it too must be a lie. EXACTLY. A lie. So....if you’re being told by a liar that it is all your fault.....
The difference between 3 weeks post and now is that I know in my soul:
I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS AFFAIR AND HIS CHOICES.
I am amazing.
I loved him.
I choose to be better.
I choose me.
Take lots of deep breaths. Then one more. Eat well. Yoga. Eat chocolate. Drink that glass/bottle of wine. Forgive yourself. Mourn what has passed. Plant seeds for your future. Breathe. Contact your team. And if and when YOU decide somerhing differnent is in order, so be it.
Namaste. Peace. .Thrive.