Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Monday I broke up with my partner because he has been having an affair online. I first found out about this 3 mths ago, and he assured me it "just happened" and it didn't mean anything and assured me it was over. But (I don't know how stupid he thought I was) right after I confronted him about it he suddenly got secretive about all his devices--put a password on his phone (which he hadn't had before), changed the password to his email account, and his laptop, would suddenly close windows if I was near....it was clear he wasn't over this, but he kept insisting it WAS over and I couldn't prove otherwise. But I couldn't trust him, and we just kept fighting....
The other day I got the cell phone bill online. Normally, if the amount is what I expect I just pay it, but this time I actually looked at it. Calls, texts, pics and videos sent, all to the same out of state number--multiple times a day. I confronted him again and he couldn't deny it this time. I had made it clear when I first found out about this that I wasn't standing for it (this is not the first time he cheated) and it was over between us.
I did ask him some questions...mostly why...and he said he didn't know. He also said he never met this woman in person--she lives in another state. And I believe that--he doesn't have a car, was home every night, never was away for any length of time--this seems to be a completely phone/text/email affair. He said he loved me, and cared about me--he just couldn't explain
We had (at least I thought) a really happy relationship before this started. We had split up once before because I found he was fooling around with a woman when he was on a job overseas, and I cut him off cold then--blocked his calls/text/emails. But after 5 weeks he came crawling back, telling me that I was the woman he loved, and he was so sorry, and would make it up to me if I took him back. And for a year and a half we were living together and happy--I'm sure we both were! We did so much together, were loving and affectionate. I look back at pics from that time and we gave every appearance of being a happy couple. I didn't sense anything else. This was the happiest time of my life.
So I absolutely can't understand why he would throw that away for a woman he's never even met! He had a woman who adored him, we had a good life together, a great sex life (even in our 60s). I just can't fathom why this cyber woman was more important to him than I was and worth losing me and everything we had over! The night before we broke up he put his arms around me in the middle of the night while I was asleep, kissed my shoulder and said "I love you". Does that sound like a man who wants to be out of a relationship?
Has anyone had this experience? I'm just a mess over this--I'd understand more if it was a real flesh and blood affair--I can't understand this at all.
I think I am a pro at infidelity now because I ve been cheated on by 3 different serious partners - exH, fiancé and bf. All of the 3 situations had nothing to do with sex, although sex was involved.
Sometimes people cheat because they are unhappy at home and because the sex is bad. Clearly , this was not the issue in your case.
The third reason, in my opinion, are some unresolved conflicts in the cheating person. Anyone could be in your place - a model, a brain surgeon, just anyone, and that kind of partner would still find a reason to have an affair.
Some people just need the fantasy, the risk of being caught, the Desire to be wanted by someone, the need to be whoever they want to be in another person’s eyes, not the person you really know them to be.
Unfortunately it is some kind of a psychological plague.
I took back my cheater boyfriend recently and I am still anlyzing everything in couple’s therapy.
I m starting to think that it is not worth it.
We should be spending our time being happy, not agonizing over these liars.
Hugs. Wishing you healing and love.
"Some people just need the fantasy, the risk of being caught, the Desire to be wanted by someone, the need to be whoever they want to be in another person’s eyes, not the person you really know them to be. "
When we were talking before I left he did say that maybe he wasn't meant to be in a relationship. I suspect that's the case....... we tried.......sigh
He wants to do this, he likes doing this, and he thinks he can just lie to you - be super, duper sneaky and keep doing this.
You have to decide what you next move will be because it is pretty doubtful he's going to stop.
The level of character and emotional health to sustain a lifelong relationship is rarer than most would want to admit and you need 2 of those people in the relationship.
The level of divorce and adultery in society proves this truth.
You ex-partner is just on the wrong side of the population and hasn't been able to change since the last time you caught him overseas.