Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
It's been a few years since I had found out about my H cheating, we managed to work through it, and seem to be in a better place in our marriage now .
when I am driving to work, I have an hour drive and while I am at work , I am Nurses Aid , I think about things and most of the things I do think about is my H's cheating ,I guess because I never really got any closure and only got bits and pieces of the truth, I basically had to piece it all together.
I remember when I found out had actual proof that I was not crazy and that in fact he was cheating on me with a co worker, he seemed angry at me for the way I was acting and going about handling his cheating, I finally figured out who she was, he never told me her name ,I had to find that out on my own , seems he spent a lot of time protecting HER, one thing I will never understand, but any way, I remember during this whole time when I was irate, angry upset, just in a bad place, he was actually mad or angry at me .
Yes I handled it the exact way I knew i would I went after him then went after her , I was not going to just sit quietly by while my whole life fell apart , I was not concerned at the time about what people were thinking about me, so what I wasn't rude to his place of work , I just informed them that one of their staff was using her work phone for personal use, meaning screwing around with my husband, they were not surprised seems this is her past time she likes married men. I didn't yell at them or anyone who was not involved, but he was angry with me told me not to call that number because it's just not for her use , I told him "I guess you should of thought of that before you started cheating on me with her ?" He was mad at me for telling the people he worked with , in the office what they were up .
I just remembered standing there in our kitchen " YOUR MAD AT ME because I embarrassed you in front of the people you work with , are you serious, I would think that would be the last thing you would be worried about right now ."
I think back on a lot of it ,I asked him what would he of liked, me to keep quiet and pretend it didn't happen , I didn't get why he was mad at me, it blew my mind ,then it only got worse because I got a hold of her husband, see she thought she covered her tracks pretty well, she could screw around with my H , and then go home to her family and everything was perfect. I had a few people ask actually ask me why I told her husband, what did I have to do that for ,what did I have to gain by doing that ? " Yes I during that whole horrible time in my life I couldn't believe some of the things that were said to me.
I felt the reason why he was mad or angry at me for the way I handled it was because he felt he didn't do anything wrong by cheating, since "HE" hadn't been happy for months "HE" had been thinking about leaving for almost year,I was the reason why he was cheating, I was the horrible miserable house wife, who made his life a living hell, which I pointed out to him, that during this whole time he was still coming home every day, eating dinner with me, sleeping with me,never hinting around that anything was wrong, went on vacations. That's the one things that still angers me ,the fact that he was actually mad at me for how I dealt with his cheating, I am sorry there is no handbook that tells a BS the correct way to handle the situation O_o
when I am driving to work, I have an hour drive and while I am at work , I am Nurses Aid , I think about things and most of the things I do think about is my H's cheating ,I guess because I never really got any closure and only got bits and pieces of the truth, I basically had to piece it all together.
I remember when I found out had actual proof that I was not crazy and that in fact he was cheating on me with a co worker, he seemed angry at me for the way I was acting and going about handling his cheating, I finally figured out who she was, he never told me her name ,I had to find that out on my own , seems he spent a lot of time protecting HER, one thing I will never understand, but any way, I remember during this whole time when I was irate, angry upset, just in a bad place, he was actually mad or angry at me .
Yes I handled it the exact way I knew i would I went after him then went after her , I was not going to just sit quietly by while my whole life fell apart , I was not concerned at the time about what people were thinking about me, so what I wasn't rude to his place of work , I just informed them that one of their staff was using her work phone for personal use, meaning screwing around with my husband, they were not surprised seems this is her past time she likes married men. I didn't yell at them or anyone who was not involved, but he was angry with me told me not to call that number because it's just not for her use , I told him "I guess you should of thought of that before you started cheating on me with her ?" He was mad at me for telling the people he worked with , in the office what they were up .
I just remembered standing there in our kitchen " YOUR MAD AT ME because I embarrassed you in front of the people you work with , are you serious, I would think that would be the last thing you would be worried about right now ."
I think back on a lot of it ,I asked him what would he of liked, me to keep quiet and pretend it didn't happen , I didn't get why he was mad at me, it blew my mind ,then it only got worse because I got a hold of her husband, see she thought she covered her tracks pretty well, she could screw around with my H , and then go home to her family and everything was perfect. I had a few people ask actually ask me why I told her husband, what did I have to do that for ,what did I have to gain by doing that ? " Yes I during that whole horrible time in my life I couldn't believe some of the things that were said to me.
I felt the reason why he was mad or angry at me for the way I handled it was because he felt he didn't do anything wrong by cheating, since "HE" hadn't been happy for months "HE" had been thinking about leaving for almost year,I was the reason why he was cheating, I was the horrible miserable house wife, who made his life a living hell, which I pointed out to him, that during this whole time he was still coming home every day, eating dinner with me, sleeping with me,never hinting around that anything was wrong, went on vacations. That's the one things that still angers me ,the fact that he was actually mad at me for how I dealt with his cheating, I am sorry there is no handbook that tells a BS the correct way to handle the situation O_o
If embarrassment comes their way....who gives a flying fuck? Only the guilty parties. Well too bad.
Good going;)
I hope you're in a better place now.
They cheat because of some character defect within themselves, you could have lived like Ozzy and Harriet and he STILL would have cheated. It's a concious choice these selfish pricks make lol
I think back to the whole time my partner was cheating questioning my motivaton with male friends on FB and who I was texting and so on. Bloody rich isn't it???? I tell him now he sure had some balls doing that since he was SLEEPING with four other women. CLASSIC!
How can there be an appropriate response to utter devestation when your whole life has been gutted?? There isn't, you do what's right for you, at that moment.
Stay strong! :)
It sounds like your feelings are bubbling up from their burial place.
I told the husband as well. And then denied it. My H and the OW were lying, that gave me permission. The husband protected me. MY husband was protecting her. sick. They can suspect, but still do not know for sure how he found out. Poor guy deserved to know. He was so grateful.
My H was so angry with me for a long time. It took him forever to understand how this just about destroyed me. I am not sure he fully gets it.
We are in a better place. I still hurt. They both pretty much got off free and clear. I threatened to tell his boss, but never did. If he cheats again, I will.
Sounds like your H and mine behave pretty similarly.
I never received truths nor did I wish to. Behaviors speak volumes. There are no victims when I assess my broken marriage. There is only visions of pain covered with bandaids when surgery was needed.
I believe the removal of the bandaids caused your husband to react because the surgeon botched he operation. Embarrassed by his cheif of surgery uncovering mistakes made by both parties while including others who botched the surgery calls for misdirected discipline and irrational behaviors. Good luck with your feelings.
1) He's blameshifting, in his mind your actions justified him having an affair. The anger display is an act--consciously or subconsciously--to convince himself and you that he isn't to blame. He's angry at you for "forcing" him to have an affair.
2) Though he won't voice it, he believes he should have the right to have an affair if he wants. He is angry over the fact you caught him. Now he has to go through the drama until you settle down and life goes back to "normal" and he is free to find another.
3) You've thrown a wrench into something he was enjoying. Either he's angry at you for ending his affair that his addictive mind demanded he have, or for the more complicated underground restrictions he has to endure in order to keep it going.
Could probably think of some others. Could be a combination of reasons too, not just one. In the end, it is a defensive reaction to avoid facing the guilt he should have.