I don't understand it at all. How can the person you would have trusted your life with, do something this cruel. Not only that, but a lot of CS just carry on, even after DDay. Even after seeing what they have done to their Spouse. It's like, screw you and your feelings, I'm enjoying this extra attention.

I know it's just disgusting how they behave!

Mine told me to "get over it" . He said it had "nothing to do with me"!
Then in counseling, ripped me to bits.

He put so much at risk: his job, her job, our family, losing me! Shame, etc. Lucky for them both, I kept their sordid little secret.
Not to protect them, but me. I did not want people to look at me
with pity.

He called me "collateral damage". He acts like he just doesn't
understand when I look over his shoulder when he's texting someone. Acts like I am crazy.

I hate him a little bit more each day.

Mine told me it had nothing to do with me either,he was JUST living two separate lives...oh ok....WTF...and I now live less than even half a life filled with regret, sadness, anger and hopelessness....so I guess he does control what is left, even if we divorce, I am left with nothing

These affairs are about self absorbed people . It is about control. Mine had every excuse you can think of. Not pretty enough, not sexy enough,not,not,not according to him. I have kept myself looking good,well built ,honest,good mother,not a proof in the sack BUT it never mattered. It has nothing to do with any of these things. It's all about their selfish asses. It makes us feel like we have some kind of shortcomings though. My ex tried to get me back for years and then he married a troll. I will never play that game again. Don't let anyone have that much power over you.

not all of them

Mine was "you didn't give me enough attention, but he did"....We work in the same building sending IMs all day, we go to lunch together, we drive together, we eat dinner as a family...there isn't 1 day that has gone by that I didn't hold her hand...when exactly was I not there? You don't see me fkin around just because no one asked me how my day was.
Agreed that the original act is selfish...but for me, I think about cheating back at her for 1 reason...fairness

yea - I got the I was not getting attention at the time - I need more romance and passion - even though I was the only one creating dates etc.

Ok then, do life with this AP and find out if you get the attention you need after 10 years of marriage and 2 kids or better yet - try to communicate that need - its all stupid and I can find 1million excuses to cheat on anyone if I didn't have the proper morals and values preinstalled in me.

I never really realized how truely important it is to really pick a good mate/spouse. Cause they can steer you down one awesome path or one very stupid crazy path. Mine drove me to crazytown.

t's all a matter of perspective. I have plenty of friends who feel those who participate in the factory farming process to be completely sick, unfair and cruel. We all may as well face the fact that life is incredibly hard for most animals, and we are sooooo incredibly lucky in comparison. I consider myself so lucky to live despite the fact that I have had a pretty hard life in many respects.

Take a cow for example, we steal their milk (despite the infections they get when milked too regularly using machines) and then kill their young. Dairy cows are considered the lucky animals as we don't eat them.

All animals experience similar emotions, and for some reason so many people think that they should be exempt from having a partner cheat on them? They think life is not fair if their partner sleeps with another person????

It sounds silly to me.

Well, the thing really is that they may think they do, but they have no control. They, nor we, have any control over another persons behavior. So, whatever we choose to do about betrayal, we choose to do. I know it's tough but things like "you squirming and following me around wondering what I am doing sifting through phone calls etc" are something that you are choosing to do. You don't have to. She can't make you. You can choose to laugh about how Sophmoric that behavior really is, disengage, find someone else, or just flat leave. And then, what can she do about that? Nada!

sheenre - I 100% agree.

I think when I first found out - it was like who took over this person? an alien? Once I figured out what really was going on - I completely disengaged.

I was not going to live like that.