Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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Bbeth71 04/27/2018

Hoping for some help in forcing me to move forward.

I have been with my partner for nearly 8 years. Have recently discovered that he has been cheating basically the whole relationship.

I moved out 2 years ago for 12 months as our relationship wasn't going so great & my teenage son (from previous marriage) was having issues. My partner & i agreed we would work on our relationship.

I discovered he had met someone else. I was completely devastated as the man i thought i knew would never do such a thing, We still slept together during this time & eventually ended to back together & i moved back in.

12 months on i have now discovered this girl he had actually been seeing when he & i first met & continued to see her on & off our entire relationship.

I have since discovered there was another woman who he had been seeing on & off for 6 years of our relationship.

I have also found him on dating & sex sites.

Now he is telling me he has woken & discovered he loves me & wants me only. That he will do anything to prove himself.

I have stayed but battle everyday, i want to believe him but the rational side of me knows i am a fool. Our relationship never stood a chance as he cheated right from the beginning. I struggle to understand myself, i don't understand why i can't just get up & leave. There are no kids involved, no house or any financial ties. Easy exit, but i can't? Why? He was never the man i thought he was. Am i still in shock? I am normally a strong independent woman. I don't understand why he did it or even know who he really is?

Please talk sense into me & help me understand myself.

Bbeth71

Tigerhound1967 04/27/2018

You're not alone. I found out that my wife cheated on me and now I'm the one saying that we need to try to work it out. Nobody likes to admit that they made this kind of mistake about someone. You and he have to decide if you can set up ground rules that you can both abide to start if you are going to try and stay together. My wife and I have set up some very basic guidelines for each of us while we try to work things out.

Leftbehind20 04/27/2018

I understand where you are coming from. After 19 years my spouse decided he needed time apart cause he was unhappy. I had aksed if he was seeing someone else and he swore that he wasn't. Well 18 months later we are still separated and just this week I found out that not only is he seeing someone else but he started seeing her before he told me he was unhappy. This whole time he has continued to say he didn't know what he wanted, that he was confused and lost.

Even finding all this out I still want to see if we can work it out. I feel so stupid for holding on to hope

betrayedtodeath 04/27/2018

I'm sorry you're hurting. Read my post "welcome to the newly betrayed" for some suggestions. Ultimately only you can discern what is/is not acceptable to you in a relationship. It is very common for cheaters who have been caught to promise their betrayed spouse the moon. They almost all have a real hard time actually delivering. You are trying to "untangle the skein"...why did he do it etc. But you said you already know he isn't who he pretended to be. Try to channel this uncertainty into something positive for yourself.

growthhurts 04/27/2018

I'm sorry you're going through this. You deserve better than someone who is seeing multiple people while there are supposed to be committed to you. It's been a long time, so of course it's hard to move on, but you're not a fool. Just someone who has invested time into something and wanted it to work. Please try to focus on yourself. Do things you always wanted to do. Get your own place and decorate it how you want to. I hope things are better with your son. Best wishes.

calirn13 04/27/2018

First nobody can force you to do anything... leave him or not. This is your decision. I think you need to tell your family and friends. Get yourself into counseling. Work on yourself... don’t waste your time on him!

stayingpositive 04/27/2018

YOU NEED TO LEAVE. He is a cheater and liar and he will not suddenly grow a conscience. You have seen the real him- and if you are ok with being with a cheater, than stay. He wants his cake and eat it too- and you are playing right into it. I thought my husband would have that awakening and realize what he was losing, but it will not happen.

refurb 04/28/2018

he'll leave you on his terms when he is dam good & ready
or
he'll use you on his terms while you whither away
either way he will use you

sucks to be in your shoes and love the person that is sucking your soul out, sucking the joy out, sucking whatever self respect you have...a lot of us here know that all too well

you need to accept reality, either way he will use you, only you can decide not to be used

i hope the best for you & your family, as for your husband, he is not worth the steam on a fresh pile of dogdoo

forwardmotion 04/30/2018

He was never a faithful or decent person. It isn't like he changed into this person....he always was and will be a cheater.

With no entanglements there is absolutely no reason to ever communicate with him again.

Why waste time one someone like? It's like realizing the new car you bought is actually used and a lemon. Would you junk it or spend thousands of dollars to get it running when it never ran well to begin with?

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