I don't think it's that cut and dry. When anybody sees their ex, somebody the once or still love, with another it evokes a natural competitive response. Male or female. I believe that for most humans, we would spend atleast a bit of time evaluating who our ex is with and wanting to feel as though you are better, that you will be the one that got away.

Just my 2 cents

You may not like my answer to this....I know that is a God given jealousy for both, scripture talks about it....God is a jealouse God, because He knows how relationships are suppose to work, that is why there are so many warnings about how to conduct relationships, not to make our lives boring, but to insure our safe hearts, if when we make that commitment we would be more careful with our choices and then put God first, our mates second...they way we are instructed, He would keep them safe, and we would not be so hurt and destoyed by the sins of lusts and infidelity.....the jealousy comes from not being first in a man/womans life when that commitment is made, the two shall become one, pride of ownership, protection of what is mine alone....yes men and women feel this, we are suppose to....and seeing that person we loved/ or still love with another causes pain, and pride, and that competative feeling of "hey, thats mine".....I total felt I could not "compete" with the OW, she was free and at his beckon call, always, while I was working, had the kids, the laundry, the house, the bills, the stresses of everyday life, his lack as a husband, his bad choices in how he was treating me, his selfishness, his lack of commitment, his unavailability, his cheating, WOW, if he had treated he the way he was treating me, GUESS WHAT, SHE WOULD NOT HAVE TAKEN IT, and yet I was his burden and she was his delight.....really!

It's probably some throw back to when we lived in caves and the breeders needed the strongest, best knuckle draggers to perpetuate the species...

O,

Oh god yes.

That when she got divorced and saw her ex with his new girl for the first time she didn't even look at "him" - she only "focused" on the new girl -

My ex was about 180 lbs and 30 yrs old. My wife now was 15 yrs old and a HS cheerleader. I swear saw flames coming out of her eyes.

When I was in college I took a fascinating Women's Studies class. Yes, women tend to be back biting, jealous, petty, and insanely competitive toward each other - early in life. Well, we don't start that way, necessarily. As very small children, we get along fine (to whatever extent humans get on) but then as we reach puberty we start getting evil.

Theory goes that's because we ARE competing against each other for a "mate" - biologically speaking. We're driven toward this petty behavior down to our very DNA. It's better for us to eliminate the competition and rely on our mate to care for us than to rely on other woman who potentially will steal our mate.

That said, as we age, we grow less and less dependent on our mate and less and less competitive. The theory is that we're just "no longer in the running" - that younger/more virile/more fertile women will beat us out every time, so we have to start relying on EACH OTHER for support. Well, that, AND, since women typically live longer than men, our mates die and leave us alone so we need to lean on each other for the support we need.

Now, when I took this class I was 21. I thought it was a load of crap. Now, as I'm nearing 40, well. Hindsight says that the assessment of female friendships/competition was truer than I suspected by a galaxy. I think most of the women I know around my age are only just starting to slide down the other side of the competition hill. We're not quite "supporting" each other the way we will when we're in our 60's, but we're definitely not back biting like we once were.

Honestly, I think it would be fascinating to see a breakdown by ages of women who get involved with married men. I don't mean married women who cheat on their spouses, but specifically single women who go after married men. I wonder if older women are less likely to try to "steal" a guy from another woman (or more to this point, do another woman wrong) or if it's consistent across all ages?

I gotta say, I feel like I (and other women I know who've been wronged) compare ourselves to the OW far more than betrayed husbands compare themselves to the OM. Or maybe women are just more vocal about it?

Absolutely. Now that my H and I are getting divorced, I know it's a matter of time before he starts to date someone else (if he isn't already). If she was better looking than me, it would be so much worse because it would have proved that he really could do better --even though I told myself over and over again that he'll regret losing me one day. How will he ever feel regret and remorse by dating someone who is way hotter than me? He would never look back. It sounds ridiculous, and it is, but I don't think it's any different for a lot of guys. I know that it would intimidate my STBX if I started seeing someone much better looking than him. If the next girl I saw him with was not nearly as pretty as me, it would be easier to get over.

But honestly, no matter what, it still hurts to see your ex with someone new. Even if she was half the woman I was, it would still hurt me to see that someone else made him happy.

the woman that went after my husband, well that is they went after each other....she was getting a divorce because of infidelity, now I am not sure if she wasnt' the reason, but she told my husband and myself it was him having affairs,,she was married to a pastor when after only meeting my husband in the bar and "flirting with him less than 3 hours decided to go to his hotel room for sex....she was 58 years old and had been married 34 years...my H was 49 and we had been married, well it was the year of our 10 year anniversary(we met in 1998 and married in 2001)

cigar- "My ex was about 180 lbs and 30 yrs old. My wife now was 15 yrs old and a HS cheerleader. I swear saw flames coming out of her eyes."

I think you misinterpreted her jealous flames. That look in her eyes was likely horror, shame, regret, and pity for you.

Men are generally the more competitive of the human species.....look to business and sports as examples.

You can listen into mens conversations and hear the one upmanship about golf games and lawn equipment.

I don't think your GF described being competitive. I think she described raging insecurity. She described jealousy and envy. She didn't describe competitive.

Blind,

I think you misread my post, see my picture in profile.

Wife when we met

This is my new wife.