Oh, that lightbulb moment is a thing of beauty, huh? Done is DONE.

If you are separated and very done, he should not have access to your phone. Cut that off right away. Sure, you know it - he is trying to dig up dirt on you so he can make you look as bad as he KNOWS he is. What an asshole.

Seeing as you have the full picture of who this clown really is, and how he rolls under the gun, cut off the contact - just so you don't drive yourself apeshit over him.

Silly rabbit. Tricks are for kids - not for marriage.

Sending support, L~

Yep, no contact and change passwords, phone numbers, whatever you need to do so that he has no access to your personal information. He has no right to it. That's gone. DONE.

Yeah I like the lightbulb moment.too, its like HELLO girl why would you want him with you when there is no respect,(he says he does respect me and always has done lol) certainly no love (he says I love you deeply lol) no empathy, just thinks he can come back here and still have her on the side (he still denies that he is in contact with her lol)... God it's hysterical. He is still clutching at straws with me. He is still in complete denial. Well he can stay in denial by himself. I want no part of it anymore. My GP said when you are in so much pain, You have to remove the cause of the pain otherwise you will never heal. He says I am suffering with post traumatic stress, because I have continually been in a fight or flight situation. but know the truth inside there has been no proper release of my stress so every day I get more stressed and anxious, he is worried about me. He said I am being emotionally abused by my own husband....jeez he is supposed to love..well get a load of that. Do you know what I am not even going to bother to tell him as I know he will just turn that into, I can't leave you, you are not well, I will have to look after you!!!!
But the no contact is difficult as we have 3 children. He gained access to my phone as I went out when he was here to see the kids, he must have sneaked a look when I arrived home and possibly was asleep. Things I used to do to him to find out about his affair, I was totally justified as the SOB was screwing around.
Still I can always threaten that he doesn't come to the house anymore and the children will have to go wherever he is if he carries on like this. I don't want it to get nasty, am I living in cuckoo land, does it always end up nasty and bitter. I guess that all depends on them in the end.
I don't want to fight anymore, I don't want to talk to him anymore, I don't want to think about it anymore, I just numb....I am just sooo tired and depressed. No man is worth this.

I agree with L. He shouldn't have access to your phone, etc if you are separated. And good for you for getting away from that negativity and disrespect. Sounds like your H is a real closet case.

I guess he was probably snooping to see if you were talking about him and what you might be saying, or maybe like you said, trying to turn it around on you somehow.

If you truly want this separation to work, and this monkey off your back, ie your husband, I wouldn't let him see the kids at your house anymore.

It doesn't have to get nasty, per say, but don't live in limbo land. File the papers and move forward. Put a lock code on your cell phone that he could never guess in a million years as well.

He's not even trying to make things right- he's just trying to find dirt on you. It goes to show how immature he is. Thankfully, you are done with him.

MEN!!! My partner does exactly the same to me. He will even make something up to try and make it look like I am the one doing wrong!! He is the one who got caught having phone sex with bloody slappers on chatlines time after time all throughout our 5 year relationship. He is the one who can't open his mouth case a lie happens to fall out!! He is the one with the sex addiction not me! God they're all the same they betray you then twist things round just to make themselves feel better!! Fcuk em! Wankers!! Take care xx

Yeah fuck em, wankers, I love it. I have a friend who pulls no punches and she is sooo spot on all the time, so I go to her in my darkest moments and she says HES A F******g Tw**t, come on girl how many times are you going to let him cheat on you, once is enough, she told me to dump him then, but I didn't.
She said if she claps eyes on him she is going to punch his cheating, lying ass so hard.

She says I am not the sort of person to put up with this crap. Well I have, shame on me.
Got to keep a sense of humour about it all really..otherwise you would go really mad.

Thanks all of you you're all fab in my eyes. All I can say is the o/w are very very very poor imitations of us....and give all the bj's they want to keep them!!! Thats all I can think of that makes them treat us like shit.

"I don't want to fight anymore, I don't want to talk to him anymore, I don't want to think about it anymore, I just numb....I am just sooo tired and depressed. No man is worth this." - i totally have been there girl - and it is not a nice place. i told him the other day that i just wanted him to leave me alone.... he's trying that hoover maneuver and just doesnt GET that i am trying to move on with my life, without him to emotionally abuse and manipulate me. hang in there becky!!!

My H hired P.I.'s to follow me and tapped my phone! When my investigator told me this I was dumbfounded! I said, "hello??? I didn't cheat on him, he cheated on me for 11 yrs.!!!!! What the heck is he looking for? Oh gosh I'm so guilty for going to the market and to school and to the park and to church! He's sure wasting his money! They want so badly to find somethings to find on you to take the focus off themselves. I went to the cell phone store and took my iphone off his account and opened my own! He was furious, saying it would cost me too much and what was I hiding? I said he should be asking himself that. I just want to take off that thumb which has been holding me down and controlling every penny I spend for 11 yrs. I'm a big girl and can take care of myself. I have done nothing wrong and can hold my head high and take care of my children and go on with my life. I want peace in my home, and to make it always a safe and healthy place for my children to come home to. I can't wait to change the locks and pour out all the alcohol! (Now if I could just get him to move out!)