Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I was married for 9 years (together a total of 15 years). I moved out last July after I could not take any more of his crap. He was always going out with his buddies and drinking, coming home late, being irresponsible with money, lying and keeping secrets from me, oh and he told me he was not in love with me anymore. I suspected cheating but he denied it and I had no real proof. All this was while I was supporting the family while he worked part time. Due to this, we had to live at his parents house for 4 years.
It was very difficult the first few months after our split, but eventually I moved on and I felt better. I knew I made the right decision by leaving. I even found out a couple more things. He admitted to pawning our wedding rings while we were still married. He eventually admitted to cheating on me. So my gut feeling was right. He cheated and then he continued to have an emotional affair with this woman for TWO years. She was his secret best friend. After I left, he started to date her until they finally broke up a couple months later.
I have been doing better while on my own, even dating someone casually, but the past few months have been very difficult emotionally. I've started to miss my ex and our family. The memories of all the good times flash through my head...but so do the bad memories.
He came crying and apologized to me for everything he did this weekend. He said he was stupid and selfish. I cried too because it still hurts. He says he wants to do whatever it takes to get his family back. Although I do miss him and our family, I don't think it would ever be the same again. We are friends, but here is still a lot of anger and resentment inside of me. I also have no physical attraction to him whatsoever now.
So now I'm left wondering if I should even give him another chance? He already had so many. We even went to counseling for months. Our divorce has already been signed by the judge so it's pretty much final. Should I just move on?
It was very difficult the first few months after our split, but eventually I moved on and I felt better. I knew I made the right decision by leaving. I even found out a couple more things. He admitted to pawning our wedding rings while we were still married. He eventually admitted to cheating on me. So my gut feeling was right. He cheated and then he continued to have an emotional affair with this woman for TWO years. She was his secret best friend. After I left, he started to date her until they finally broke up a couple months later.
I have been doing better while on my own, even dating someone casually, but the past few months have been very difficult emotionally. I've started to miss my ex and our family. The memories of all the good times flash through my head...but so do the bad memories.
He came crying and apologized to me for everything he did this weekend. He said he was stupid and selfish. I cried too because it still hurts. He says he wants to do whatever it takes to get his family back. Although I do miss him and our family, I don't think it would ever be the same again. We are friends, but here is still a lot of anger and resentment inside of me. I also have no physical attraction to him whatsoever now.
So now I'm left wondering if I should even give him another chance? He already had so many. We even went to counseling for months. Our divorce has already been signed by the judge so it's pretty much final. Should I just move on?
At least your daughter won't be bounced back and forth through another emotional roller coaster ride.
Ad Dr. Phil says, "better to be FROM a broken home than IN one."
Brokennot, he was a dirtbag for a long time. If it was just a one time cheating type of thing, it would be easier to get past. But it's just too much stuff that went on for too long. I now know what he's capable of (even though he's sorry) and that's what scares me. I keep asking myself, how could someone look their spouse in the eye and lie over and over about where he's been and who he's been with?
Blindside, he says he does not drink and go out like he used to. I asked him why and he said it got old. So I know he does drink sometimes, I just don't know how much since I'm not around anymore.
Deli, sometimes I wonder if he just wants us back because he's at a low point in his life right now. He has realized that all his friends aren't all really his friends. I was the only one who was actually there for him. He wanted to have both - be single and have a family. I told him it could not be both and that he had to choose. He didn't make a choice and that's when I left. His actions spoke for him.
One of the main things that has concerned me is that he has shown that he can have very poor judgement. So trusting him again is going to be very hard. Another thing that prevents me from even pursuing reconciliation is the effect that it will have on my parents and siblings. They have been so supportive through everything and of course they don't want to see me hurt again. I don't think they would welcome him back or even want to see him again.
People can change, and losing you might be the best catalyst for his change (getting back together could short circuit that journey). Sometimes, loving someone is doing what is best for them, even if they don't like it.
Pain is the motivation for change. Burning your hand teaches you not to put your hand into a fire. I learned around 6 or 7 years old that unfolding a paperclip and sticking it into a socket is a very, very bad idea, and I've not done it since!
He needs to experience the full consequences of his actions to learn from it. Here's hoping he really does use this to turn his life around. In cases like this, divorcing him is probably the most loving thing you can do for him.
I have already seen a change in his attitude over the past year, but he still has a long way to do. My therapist (who was once our marriage counselor) tells me that there is nothing that I can do to help him. This is something that he needs to do on his own. Even if he can miraculously change his ways over time, I would need to be able to eventually get over the horrible things he did and we would also need a lot of marriage counseling. Oh and there's also the issue that my family never wants to see him again...ugh.
No matter what happens, it's going to be a difficult journey. Rebuilding is going to be a pain, but so will trying to start over with someone new.
"I am also less likely... to tolerate any bad behavior. I refuse to settle for less so my expectations are a lot higher now."