Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I was married for 9 years (together a total of 15 years). I moved out last July after I could not take any more of his crap. He was always going out with his buddies and drinking, coming home late, being irresponsible with money, lying and keeping secrets from me, oh and he told me he was not in love with me anymore. I suspected cheating but he denied it and I had no real proof. All this was while I was supporting the family while he worked part time. Due to this, we had to live at his parents house for 4 years.
It was very difficult the first few months after our split, but eventually I moved on and I felt better. I knew I made the right decision by leaving. I even found out a couple more things. He admitted to pawning our wedding rings while we were still married. He eventually admitted to cheating on me. So my gut feeling was right. He cheated and then he continued to have an emotional affair with this woman for TWO years. She was his secret best friend. After I left, he started to date her until they finally broke up a couple months later.
I have been doing better while on my own, even dating someone casually, but the past few months have been very difficult emotionally. I've started to miss my ex and our family. The memories of all the good times flash through my head...but so do the bad memories.
He came crying and apologized to me for everything he did this weekend. He said he was stupid and selfish. I cried too because it still hurts. He says he wants to do whatever it takes to get his family back. Although I do miss him and our family, I don't think it would ever be the same again. We are friends, but here is still a lot of anger and resentment inside of me. I also have no physical attraction to him whatsoever now.
So now I'm left wondering if I should even give him another chance? He already had so many. We even went to counseling for months. Our divorce has already been signed by the judge so it's pretty much final. Should I just move on?
It was very difficult the first few months after our split, but eventually I moved on and I felt better. I knew I made the right decision by leaving. I even found out a couple more things. He admitted to pawning our wedding rings while we were still married. He eventually admitted to cheating on me. So my gut feeling was right. He cheated and then he continued to have an emotional affair with this woman for TWO years. She was his secret best friend. After I left, he started to date her until they finally broke up a couple months later.
I have been doing better while on my own, even dating someone casually, but the past few months have been very difficult emotionally. I've started to miss my ex and our family. The memories of all the good times flash through my head...but so do the bad memories.
He came crying and apologized to me for everything he did this weekend. He said he was stupid and selfish. I cried too because it still hurts. He says he wants to do whatever it takes to get his family back. Although I do miss him and our family, I don't think it would ever be the same again. We are friends, but here is still a lot of anger and resentment inside of me. I also have no physical attraction to him whatsoever now.
So now I'm left wondering if I should even give him another chance? He already had so many. We even went to counseling for months. Our divorce has already been signed by the judge so it's pretty much final. Should I just move on?
Move on! Your reasoning was correct in getting the divorce.
Re-read what you posted. The guy is a total ass. Not only did
he lie and cheat and carry on like he was single, he even pawned
your wedding rings! How low can one go?
He is in a low point in his life and is using emotional blackmail to
get you back into his web. Don't go there!
You are better, stronger, and more resilient. One trip to hell per lifetime is enough.
Get out more, date more, join in on some activities and you will not feel the desire to reconnect with this jackass. He is only going to
disappoint you again.
Nothing has changed other than the OW dumped him, you dumped him. He had 15 years to treat you right. So what's going on to make him miraculously change? The answer: nothing. He's not changed.
He is still a miserable lying, cheating S.O.B.
Stay strong; this is just a momentary phase and you can move past it.
Good luck!
The two biggies:
-He has to agree to complete transparency and honesty.
-He has to go to individual AND marriage counseling with you. Basically, he's starting from a negative ten as opposed to zero.
Ask yourself if there are other factors to consider besides children. Do you love his family? How do they treat you? Do they want you back as well or do they undermine you every chance they get? Are you willing to go put in hard work to help rebuild? Is he working full time now? Are you willing to choose to love him until your trust and feeling for him are rekindled?
I will tell you from experience that rebuilding is a bitch. But so is trying to restart your life, which I have done before as well with my first divorce. There is no easy path. For some more thoughts, join the Rebuilding Group and you can go from there. Sending you support.
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/rebuilding-marriage-after-infidelity
shtmyhbdid- Yes, we do have a 6 year old daughter. That's why I'm even considering this to begin with. Otherwise, I would have left town a long time ago. His family loves me and we still talk. My family, however, cannot stand him and they never want to see him again. My family is very important to me and I spend time with them often, so that would definitely be an issue. He is working full time now, but his job still is still a low paying one. He barely gets by. He is willing to do individual and marriage counseling. Unfortunately, I am not as committed to marriage counseling as he says he is. I'm very hesitant after everything I've been through.
"The Reason"
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why I need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You
and the reason is You [x3]
LindaM, I can relate so much to your experience! Actions do speak louder than words. A couple weeks before I left, I told him he needed to choose between his "friends" or his family. It could not be both. He continued to go out and come home late and drunk so that showed me what he chose. He did not have to tell me. That's when I left. I am proud of myself for leaving a toxic situation.
I feel so much better now that we talked!! I feel like I am able to move on now. Thank you all!