Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I have read a lot of posts by people that have cheated on their spouse. There seems to be a common theme. Most of the time, the cheater shifts blame - my spouse was neglectful, didn't pay attention to me, was an alcoholic (or other addict), spent too much time at work, was away from home too much, was inconsiderate, didn't provide me with the emotional support that I needed, didn't provide me with the intimacy that I needed, spent too much money or didn't allow me to spend money, etc., etc., ad naseum.
These are all wonderful reasons to not be happy with your spouse and to be disenchanted with your marriage. However, NONE of these reasons is an excuse to search for what is missing outside of the marriage. How many of the people that have cheated on their spouse actually talked to their spouse and told them how they felt. I'm not talking about hints, or a few arguements about not getting your needs met. I am talking about complete, brutally honest communication where you tell them the why's of your unhappiness. If your spouse is unwilling to listen to you, ignores you, or brushes you off as being "overly emotional", then file for divorce before you seek support in the arms of another.
The emotional damage that is caused by infidelity is HUGE ... even for us men that are supposedly "not be in touch with our emotional side." Infidelity tears at the heart. It shatters trust ... and that trust can be nearly impossible to re-establish and will NEVER be the same as it was. What is worse, is that the trust that can't be repaired in the failed relationship becomes very difficult to re-establish in a new relationship as well.
I wish more people were honest with themselves and their spouses before they CHOOSE to be selfish and cause so much suffering. Perhaps it is a personality flaw in cheaters that they are unable to see the damage that they will cause and are incapable of having any compassion for the people they have hurt.
I guess I will never know. I am one of those left to figure out why it was so hard to talk to me and left to try and mend a broken heart and find a way to open my heart to someone else and risk placing that shattered trust in the hands of another.
These are all wonderful reasons to not be happy with your spouse and to be disenchanted with your marriage. However, NONE of these reasons is an excuse to search for what is missing outside of the marriage. How many of the people that have cheated on their spouse actually talked to their spouse and told them how they felt. I'm not talking about hints, or a few arguements about not getting your needs met. I am talking about complete, brutally honest communication where you tell them the why's of your unhappiness. If your spouse is unwilling to listen to you, ignores you, or brushes you off as being "overly emotional", then file for divorce before you seek support in the arms of another.
The emotional damage that is caused by infidelity is HUGE ... even for us men that are supposedly "not be in touch with our emotional side." Infidelity tears at the heart. It shatters trust ... and that trust can be nearly impossible to re-establish and will NEVER be the same as it was. What is worse, is that the trust that can't be repaired in the failed relationship becomes very difficult to re-establish in a new relationship as well.
I wish more people were honest with themselves and their spouses before they CHOOSE to be selfish and cause so much suffering. Perhaps it is a personality flaw in cheaters that they are unable to see the damage that they will cause and are incapable of having any compassion for the people they have hurt.
I guess I will never know. I am one of those left to figure out why it was so hard to talk to me and left to try and mend a broken heart and find a way to open my heart to someone else and risk placing that shattered trust in the hands of another.
ast64, I hope that you and your spouse are on the same page and that you both want the same thing. I hope that you, as a cheater, have been able to identify the reasons that you were willing to hurt those closest to you for selfish reasons. I hope that BOTH of you can learn to place trust in the other. You have a long road ahead of you but if you both WANT the same thing, there is hope.
It seems that always in my marriage, I was the one who was the giver and my husband the taker... After my mother died, I was in a deep depression and needed my husband's help... Always being the taker, he didn't know how to give to me... I was alone and depressed esp. when he would turn away from me..
This went on for a little over a year until he met the o/w, then he really got mean.. I didn't know why he was like that at the time...
I am not talking about others on the site here, but he lied to me and was completely dishonest with me... I didn't know it then, but he would call me and tell me that he was working over, and he would go over to the other woman's home... I would have to wait on him..(we were riding together to work)... I would be sitting there waiting, thinking he was working, and he would be with her....
How selfish and sick do you think that is??
Ast64, you have never walked in my shoes and any betrayed person shoes, so how can you or any other say that I am bitter....
Of course, I am bitter...
You see you have never had this happened to you...
My husband's attitude toward everything has changed in the last 8 months... He carried around the guilt for over 6 years, and it was a terrible burden around his neck.... He is not a bad person, just a stupid person (his words not mine)...
He is bending over backwards and standing on his head if need be to make it up to me... I know now that I must tell everything that hurts me and how much it hurts me, if I will ever heal...
I used to be a very happy person, positive and upbeat.... but he has seen that same person, very, very hurt...
I think there is hope for our marriage... I know that in my heart that I love him and have always loved him..... I have forgiven him, because I believe forgiveness is a decision that we make.... It is hard but each day I can see more progress....
I will still be hurt and bitter for awhile and I am going to let myself be, because I know that is the only way I can get over this...