So sorry for your sadness..I also can't believe he is doing it to you and the kids.
some people are just too weak to resist temptations.
I hope you have someone close by your side to get you through this difficult time. Hang in there, you are very strong. You will be happy again with or without him.
I am sure you will get rewarded for your patienence and strngth.
I will have some wine to that tonight!

I know how you are feeling. It's very hard to not look at oneself for the cause of the SO cheating. That's what makes me sad, try to think of other things and not go down the sadness spiral.

It is not the betrayed, it's the cheater, often they are flawed people and are too ignorant to get help.

I would suggest talking to a counselor. Although it sucks to pay someone, often they can help a lot.

Hello rose
I'm so sorry to hear that you're being subjected to your H's abuse. It is clear he's not going to stop and I see you've tried.I see he has empty words too.
A Counsellor would be the best port of call here. This way you can talk things through and she will help you explore and discover what is going on for you and she will also see a clear picture too.
Do keep in touch here, this way you have some support.
God bless

thank you all. It is hard because you do want to matter. I am seeing a therapist and she does help. The only problem is the day to day thoughts that go through my head. I see her once a week and she can talk me through it, but as the time passes from when I see her it just hits me again. I do know that it is him not me, and I just have to keep my self on that track its just hard sometimes when I think of what I once had so very long ago. I never thought I would be in this place. I thought he would never be the one to hurt me since he knew how much this would.

rose, so sorry that you are finding yourself at this point in your life. It is not fair what they have done to us, but I promise that time will heal. To get through from one counseling session to another, journal, journal, journal. It helps put things in perspective and lets you know that you are worthy of love and deserve someone faithful only to you. Good luck and stay posted here.

Well, you have made your needs clear here and your H continues to talk to his computer whores. Nice.

Give him a week to clean it up and stop. If he doesn't, put him, his computer, and his phone on the curb.

Stop asking him to stop. It's time to demand it. Why hasn't your counselor told you this?

He'll do it as long as you put up with it. You need to stop putting up with it.

Take care.

So sorry you are experiencing such pain. My H looks at pornography & I recently caught him again. We have dealt with it to a certain extent, but it is something he will always struggle with. I believe it is the lies that hurt the most. There is something about when he tells you the truth that makes you love him more & when he lies, it cuts deep. You are right to not have to put up with it. You leaving may be the thing that gives him a wake up call, but my bet is....he is too selfish to see what he is doing to you. I know what you mean about wanting to be the most important to him. You want to be pursued like he pursues them, you want to be wanted by the one you want. I think you are courageous, strong & you know what you want. Remember...you could be perfect & he would still do this. It is his addiction that he is feeding, when he should be feeding the needs of his wife & children. Be strong! Hugs.

I wanted to suggest a few books you might find interesting. If he is talking to other women, my guess is that he looks at porn as well? I have read all these books & they have helped me understand my H tremendously.
An Affair of the Mind by Laurie Hall
Every Heart Restored by Stoeker & Arterburn
Shattered Vows by Debra Laaser

Thank you DoBetterMom for the suggestions on the books I will look for them. And yes you are right I could do anything and he would still do this. When he had admitted it to me last year when I first saw the bill and he had no choice but to admit it, he said he could not explain why he did this. I don't know if I believe him so much, but maybe he really does not know. I am not making excuses for him at all. I am seeing a therapist and she says yes it is an addiction and he is probably doing this because these women make him feel good. They tell him how wonderful he is. That he has a void inside him self and this is how he fills it. And of cause like any addition it grows and that is all he can think about, getting his next fix as she called it. That is probably why he got so sloppy about it and it was easy for me to find out about. I just think since he knew I would not except this and that it hurt me so much that he should have continued with his therapist that he went to 2x probably just to shut me up. Like I said before I just want him to think I am worth the effort to do anything to keep me. I want to be more important to him then these women and for him to do anything to have kept our marriage going. And even though it hurts so much I had to tell him I wanted to end the marriage because I do need to be number one, and I don't want to keep wondering is he talking to them when he is in another room. I should also add that even though he once admitted it to me last year, he now tells me he is doing nothing wrong even though I caught him again.