Also forgot to add that I find myself EXTREMELY ANGRY and wanting to hurt the other woman(monster). Especially since she just got divorced because her husband cheated on her and then she sleeps with my man. He was drunk and she was sober. And all I want to do is stab her in the eye.

For me the answers were easier to hear than what I imagined.

WHY DO YOU WANT TO HURT THE OTHER WOMAN? WHY NOT YOUR HUSBAND, HE'S THE ONE YOU ARE MARRIED TOO. YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS SWIMMING AROUND YOUR HEAD. DO WHAT MOST PEOPLE DO, WORK ON THE MARRIAGE OF LEAVE. EITHER WAY BE ABLE TO HANDLE THE PAIN...

i am goint to have to respectfully diagree with care1 here....for the exact reason that agame stated. i was someone who wanted to know exactly how it went down.i didnt need to know the dirty details(positions and such) but i needed to know how this whore wormed her way into my family. some say you have no reason to be mad at the other woman. i disagree. if a woman knows a man is in a committed relationship or marriage, with or without children involved on top of it,yet seeks out this man for any type whether it be emotional or physical relationship.theres no way around it,no excuse you are directly inflicting pain on another woman and children. you have every right to be angry with her. however be equally angry with your partner because they took vows to you.
what i will say about the questions, keep in mind you can never unask a question so think for a little while before you ask. i myself made a list and added to them for a week,and i marked a few off because i knew they would hinder healing later.what i found out,and it was confirmed by both of them,my imagination was WAAAAAAAY worse than the reality,even though the whole situation is still by far the most painful thing i have ever been through in my life. i would definitely get both your tails into counseling. its not just a cliche, it really does help.
i do agree with care1 on working on the marriage. the affair was in no way your fault,but any problems in the marriage before the affair are on both of your shoulders and need to be addressed.
also never make a decision(like to leave) in the heat of the moment like that. if my h hadntg been working so many hours on the first day i found out,and i knew i wouldnt be seeing him for a couple days(cause he would be sleeping) i might have indeed thrown his ass out,but 5 months and exactly one week later,i am glad i didnt.
i dont know how long ago you found out,but i know the first few weeks were the hardest for me. couldnt eat,sleep ,take care of my kids or myself.i honestly did not think i would survive. also if you havent already, i would get to the dr asap and get yourself checked out because STDs are rampant these days,and its always better to be safe than sorry. tell your dr or whoever you see about your situation. if depression becomes a problem,there are things to help that.
anyways,my heart goes out to you. there is alot of support here

I'm in your place too. I just found out about my H's cheating 10 days ago. I'm in great pain. We have already been to 2 couple's counseling session and it has greatly helped me.

1. I cried, I still cry a lot. But don't cry its not your fault. Its his fault.
2. Try counseling. It is really helping me and my H.
3. Don't' try to imagine what went on between them. Or he they did together. It only increases the pain. I did that too for the first few days. But now I try to avoid thinking that.
4. Accept he cheated. Don't' go to details. It only aches your heart more.
5. Cry cry cry. Break things if you want. throw things away. Let it out of ur system. I threw all the our wedding pics out. There is not a single wedding pic on the wall now.
6. Go to counseling immediately. It will help u deal with the initial shock.
7. If he is really sorry and wants the marriage to work, then he should go to counseling with u.
8. If he just says he's sorry, but don't go to counseling, then that is a red flag.
9. Come here and post as much as u want. There are many nice people here who helped me and are still helping me deal with the pain.

Ask the questions but you probably won't get all the answers. He will tell you only what he wants you to know. What have you got to lose b asking? Yes,it's painful and makes you want to go postal but it is true that your husband made a choice to cheat. Sorry but I don't feel like it really matters who he cheated with because if he wants to cheat,he will find a way to cheat WITH WHOMEVER. Knowing this, you can still only control yourself. Try to get this into perspective. I've been there and it hurts and makes you feel out of control BUT please make him the responsible one. Screw her,she is a nobody. Try to pull yourself together so you can think a little clearer. We have all had these emotions and it can really mess with your head.

exactly half truths will avail you more speculation. why ask? if you heard he fucked her brains out, and she sucked him off like better than you, how would you feel..........which is really the truth. could you handle it?

I feel like you can ask any question you want to ask and you may get the truth from him but you must ask yourself before you ask this man anything CAN I HANDLE WHAT HE ABOUT TO SAY TO ME? I found out alot of my answers were given later on without me asking and they hurt my soul just the same. My heart hurts today when I think of some of the things I heard or found out later on. Confronting the OW (without stabbing her) may make you feel some better but I would probably call her.

I agree with agame . Care1 you sound so rude and insensitive! Blue I'm so sorry your going through this I like most of us on here know how you feel in some form or another. For me It I needed to know what happened from my H's mouth and he told me. It was hard and painful but I didn't have to wonder anymore. If you can try and find counseling it helps to be able to talk and vent about how your feeling. I wanted to hurt the other women too I get that most of the blame revolves around my H but she is also to blame and it's normal to not like her! It's going to be hard for awhile but hang in there and in time the anger for her will fade I might add everybody heals differently. Sending you a hug : )

I too felt the same way. I wanted to, and still do want to do some very violent things to him. My experience in the service has given several great ideas on how to inflict the most physical harm to him without actually killing him. They are really, really, REALLY violent(my stomach is turning just thinking about them). Will I ever do it???? Honestly it depends on if I ever meet him. I'd like to tell myself I wouldn't, but it really is a coin toss...As for asking him those questions. I wanted to know everything. You have to be careful what you ask for though. It truly is a double edge sword. The way I looked at it is I need the answers to know if it's something that I can get past. I knew that if I didn't ask those questions they were going to haunt me forever. Also I'd rather deal with the hurt now than to have something come out later on down the road and reopen those scars, and destroy all the work that had been done to rebuild. Praying that you make the right decision for you...

i'm not rude or insiitive. i feel her pain. I believe i am a realist. It does not matter what the two of them did. Her memories will continue to keep her locked in a hell she can't escape. I believe this is the first stage of the process. vivid images will not allow her to sanity. Her children need her.

Anger is a natural process. It's what's done whith the anger that makes all the difference. I truly believe O J did it due to my state of anger/rage over a person not worth the time of day............

good luck

Thank you all. As you all know it is still tough as hell. And no I have not asked those questions. But I still have the urge to message her. Ask her how and why. The she-whore came here(our state) to relax because she just got a divorce from her husband of 10yrs because he cheated. (I had only met her once but through marriage and kids we are kind of related.) Shewhore went dancing with my guy and I once. Then two weeks later she is asking her sister and bro-in-law to help hook her up with my guy. So bro in law invites my guy to go hunting. starts to drink which is normal when those two boys get together.(also to mention we were having a lot of problems with our marriage.) Well a 12pk later she-whore was all poor Guy let me make you feel better.(let me mention that SHEwhore does NOT drink). Well after I found out shewhore went back to her state and took her sisters man with her. WOW putting that in writing just makes me want to laugh uncontrollably while crying at the same time. I take my vows seriously but just trying to figure out how I am supposed to deal with this.