To be honest with you, I'm not sure I could ever do that. Although I am in a very different situation than yours. I think I would honestly kill them both if it were me.

So kudos to you for getting this far!

I think the important thing o realise, is that it's ok to forgive yourself for what has happened and to move forward. Things will get better if you just give it some time.

It takes a certain kind of guy to even consider being a friend. Sounds as if you may be one. In this day and age men are supposed to be tough and able to control their environment. I'm battling with the same crap and yeah, it's driving me nuts. If I let her get away with her affair what does that make me? Do we forgive and forget and let them go? More importantly, go our own way and consider the breakup her loss. Or, do we swing into action and make the breakup as miserable as possible for her too? I know that if there is a weapon out there it is to become indifferant to the situation, show we don't care anymore, become that confident funny guy that made us attractive in the first place. That is the trick isn't it? It is so logical and yet pretty damn near impossible. Being men of reason, we know the true path. Our emotions however, have us hog-tied. Good luck brother. You sound like a good man who doesn't deserve to be in this fix.

My H and I are working it out but at first he had asked me the same. Would we still be friends. I personally think when they ask this question they want their guilt to lesson when you will say I'll be your friend still. I think it has to be your choice. Now for the kids sake, you don't have to be freinds, but friendly. Even though I am still together with H, I have my bad days and want to be real nasty to him. I'm not friends with him on those days but friendly for the kids. They don't need to see this crap.

keep this in mind- the cheater maintianing a friendship with the victim is important to the cheater's psyche-it allows them to kid themselves that what they did wasnt so bad because if it was, this person wouldnt be my friend.

You HAVE to be friendly with her because of the kids and for your own sanity-but ask yourself, Would you still be friends with a man who wa spposed to be your best friend and you discovered was stealing from you for months?

I agree with waverley...The cheater will still have some control. You don't need to be friends if you don't too, the OM will always be flaunted in front of you if they stay together. So you don't need to be friends but you can be civil...Why lower your standards and be a jerk just because your wife did. Be civil for the kids...Be civil for your own piece of mind. Good Luck.

The emotions for me are still too raw. I can't be friends with my ex. I look at it more like he's a co-worker. I treat him with the same respect I treat someone I work with that I don't like. Ex and I have to deal with each other for our children's sake, I have to be polite, but I don't have to necessarily like him anymore. Just be courteous. Oh, and remember that no matter how p*ssed off i get with him, never never never say anything bad in front of my kids. This has been the hardest thing EVER for me. I've been known to have issues controlling my mouth at times.

Hi
So sorry that you are going through this! There is a lot of support here, keep coming back.

I told my husband that my friends "wath my back" they DONT "STAB ME IN THE BACK".

Be real, with yourself. Seek counseling and share real feelings there and here. Momsren's idea is very creative. There are no easy ways to cope with this. But treating her as a co-worker, co-parent, seems like the civil way to deal with it.

I would tell her I hate(or a better word) her and the OM, but for the love of kids I will address and deal with you in a polite manner. I am better off without a liar and cheater in my life. And say it with a smile. You do not need to be her friend. When you find someone new, and you will. Be happy.

Wow..I must be an exception to this one. When my first H and I broke up because of his I was tired of his cheating, we remained friends. Good friends. ONE of the other people (can't say women, she was well..15) was even there. She wanted to take my place..careful what you wish for!! You might get it. But to this day, we are friends. I would say good friends too. He has our son and I can tell you that it is the greatest gift you will ever give you kids. Seeing mom and dad (and even new bf/gf) fight, not get along, character assisination can tramatize a child. I know from personal experience and I swore my kids would not know this feeling, and they don't. Sometimes I would want to scream, and when alone I would. I wouldn't let anyone dominate me or put me down. I stood my ground (not that it happened, she was scard shitless of me) My H now, and my xh get alone. Me and her talk at times. I just looked at it like I am the adult, I can be mature, and my son doesn't need to feel the effects of this anymore. As the saying goes, fake it until you make it..Does work

For a while after we broke up, my ex fiance and I maintained a decient relationship. But he got very upset and lashed out big time when I got a new boyfriend and we haven't spoken since- I believe it's been well over a year now, and I have no intention of ever contacting him again.

We had a beautiful little boy together and in that way, I will always be connected to my ex. Of course I really care about him and want to see him happy and successful in life- but there is still a lot of anger about the way he treated me that I am not sure I will ever be able to 100% forgive.