Yes, I regret not going back over to the house when he called... I should have gone back and talked with him... I did not know at the time that his GF was an alcoholic or that they had had a fight... He left her to come home to me. However, the knowledge wouldn't have changed anything and I would not have gone back to him... I had already given him more chances than he deserved. The fact is, he was still cheating, using steroids and ruined us financially. Had he not burnt down our house and killed himself, I don't think I would be regretting my decision... He was on drugs and becoming more violent, that's not something I want my child around. He wasn't willing to change before I left him so why would I believe he would have changed to keep us?

We are 8 months into R - if I didn't believe we could make it work, I wouldn't be here and going to MC - 1 year past Dday - infact 1 year and 7 days.... I still have hope - this is the ONLY second chance he will get - I am hoping I'm not wasting time.... by the looks of this post, I'm getting nervous.....

You know, when I decided to give my stbx a second chance, my therapist was like "you will be able to look your kids in the eye and tell them you did everything you could to try to keep the family together." She is right I can. But I have to say that I regret giving stbx a second chance. I regret giving him access to my heart again. I regret thinking that he could be a real man who cherishes his family. I regret giving him years of my life. I regret giving him everything I had and trusting him to do something with it other than throw it all away. Because that's what he did.

I was never given the choice. He decided I would never forgive him. He never had any faith in me or us and so he did what I coward does, run away. When he found he couldn't run completely he began the stories and lies and twists on things. Never man enough to face me or my daughter or own up to his mistakes. Instead he created his stories and they were all designed to make him look like a victim and me to look like the evil b*tch. The man he used to be I would have given another chance to. I loved that man more than anything. The man he has chosen to be now is not a man at all. That man I would never even give the time of day to.

@MicheleM - you said exactly it all. If I know anything, it is that I tried and tried and tried again to save the marriage and no one can EVER say that I didn't go well beyond the norm of what I should have accepted and put up with. I don't regret that, but I do regret not standing up for myself years ago.

It's so depressing reading this. It seems like everyone (including myself) is telling the same story. We catch them the first time, they cry and beg and swear that they'll never do it again. We convince ourselves that they won't do this again.

My H and I were in counseling after I found about his cheating (supposedly a one night affair....well...more like a 5 minute blow job in his car...really classy). We went to counseling and after a few months he tells me he's not going anymore bc he's getting picked on. Total lies of course. I didn't know this until last year, but I found out that he stopped counseling because he was starting an affair with a married slut he worked with. That affair lasted over 4 years and only ended because I caught him. We're once again in counseling. It's so horrible. I feel like I'm in a trap that I can't get out of. I feel frozen. I will never trust him again. Who could, really? He's laid off right now, so it would be impossible to divorce him right now while getting almost no child support. If it wasn't for the kids, I would have left a long time ago.

To be honest, if I had to do it all over again I wouldn't have married him. I'd go back to the day where we started chatting and started our relationship and I'd just walk on by. I wonder where I'd be now if I would have chosen a better man. Really...it seems like I couldn't have married much worse.

in a lot of ways, jackiee, I think most of us were "enablers."

yes, guys we are enablers. i just added another regret to my list tonight. i just gave him another hour and half trying to get him to own up to some things. WHY OH WHY DO I DO THAT? ugh..... it's so disgusting. i'm so annoyed with myself. gross.