Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after the transgression.

2 Online
2 Online

Anniversary of Affair

My husband's affair happened last september. now i am having memories of last year. I have forgiven my husband and we are moving forward with wounds to heal but nonetheless moving forward. i didn't think it would be this hard again. i feel like i am reliving last year, anticipating the affair date. my mood toward my husband is so hostile and he is being considerate and is understanding my issue but I don't want this issue! I don't want to feel hurt anymore!!! I'm just feeling devastated all over again. Has anyone felt this way and how did you get past it?

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

PRAY!!
I dont have anyhthing to move past since my marriage is over now, but prayer is really the only thing that can work. You have forgiven him (so it seems) so now just pray at making the marriage work and pray for more forgiveness because ur still hurting behind it.

Right now I have to pray for my husbands forgiveness since he cheated and started a relationship with another woman, but its a hard task, but one I must do in order to move forward with my life. I love him but I dont need him I guess. The pain will be there unless you totally forgive.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I have been going through exactly what you are describing. As the one-year anniversary of my discovery of my husband's affair approached, things got harder and harder for me. For the past two months since, I have been reliving every painful bit of last summer. I think the best thing we can do is be open with our spouses about this experience and our feelings. I told my husband this morning that I am just exhausted from feeling this pain. However, I know that as much as I hate it, I have to acknowledge the pain and feel it in order to move on. Sometimes I get very angry that this is happening now even after we have been working hard to repair and strengthen our marriage for more than a year. There are days now that hurt more than they did last fall. I had no idea this would happen, but my therapist tells me it's very normal. Please know that I completely empathize with how you are feeling.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Brita,
Sophie is correct. Anniversaries will generate old memories. I personally dont think you need to forgive him more. It is normal to experience pain for 2 to 4 years! especially if you are working on the marriage.

I am having my second anniversary in Sept. September is also my H's birthday month. The first year, I had just found out a few weeks before and shock kept me from feeling all of the pain for a couple of months.

Last year was the worst! I had discovered that the affair was more serious than he first disclosed. I had been in agony every day for a year and I was very near having a breakdown.

This year, not as bad. I am angry sometimes still. I cry A LOT LESS! Once in a while and only for short periods of time.

Our marriage is still rocky. Every other month I want to end it. Just because living day to day with the sadness and the loss of what I thought we had...is so hard. Being in reality with this is the worst thing I have faced as an adult. We do love each other. Too much to seperate and divorce after 15 years. He is really trying, more than I am sometimes. I know this will not be as big a "stain" on our marriage as time goes by and this anniversary will not hurt as much as last year.

It is a hard road. You sound like you doing as well as expected. Do what YOU need to do this anniversary. Consider your h's needs but know that you are in more pain than he is. Bless you.
deleted_user
deleted_user

It was hard for me too! It's been 5 years since the 1st affair. I don't think of it much anymore. However, my husband's latest, I found out, has a birthday on the same day as our wedding anniversary! I don't know how I'll handle it when it comes around.
deleted_user
deleted_user

The first year mark was excruciating. Right before that time, I was doing ok. But then the days came and I was feeling just like you. The issue of forgiveness was a difficult one because i kept telling myself and God that I forgave him and then I felt pure anger towards him so it felt like a hypocrit. I finally came to the conclusion that the issue of forgivenss for the act of adultery is between him and God. I FORGAVE myself for all the pain that I experienced and still experience. You have to realize that YOU did not cause this. Find Peace in your heart knowing that You lead a moral life and you are a worthy person. Every time that I start to have a negative thought, I say a prayer. Sometimes I have to repeat several prayers because the negative thoughts and pain just want to creep in my mind and invade me. Let me reassure you that "you" deserve to find truth and happiness. This will be a time to really reflect what type of person he is and what he is willing to do to help you through this painful event. My "H" did not help me through the healing process, so I've had to really find other ways. Praying for you!!
deleted_user
deleted_user

I discovered my wife's affair on Easter Sunday. Damn I wish it had been Good Friday so that I could attend a depressing church service and have people think I was crying because of the crucifixion. How will I explain my Easter depression to my kids!
deleted_user
deleted_user

THIS IS SO CRAZY BECAUSE FOR SEVERAL MONTHS BEFORE OUR D-DAY ANNIVERSARY I WAS DOING FINE, REALLY FEELING GOOD AND LOOKING TOWARDS THE FUTURE. THE DAY BEFORE THE ANNIVERSARY AND FOR A FEW DAYS AFTER THAT I WAS IN SUCH A RUT. I WAS HIDING OUT FROM THE WORLD, WOULDN'T ANSWER THE PHONE, COULD BARELY GET OUT OF BED,WORE PJ'S ALL DAY. I REALLY DID HAVE TO PRAY MY WAY THRU IT. I WOULD GET INTO THE SHOWER AND JUST CRY AND TALK TO GOD. I FOUND THAT DRESSING UP, PUTTING ON EARRINGS, A LITTLE EYE AND LIP MAKEUP AND SOME "SMELL GOOD" REALLY LIFTED MY SPIRITS. NOT DRESS UP LIKE GOING TO THE PROM, BUT GETTING OUT OF THE SWEATS AND T-SHIRTS AND ACTUALLY PUTTING ON CLOTHES. JUST TRY TO KEEP BUSY, VERY BUSY. SAD PART IS THIS CRAP JUST HAUNTS THE HELL OUT OF YOU SOMETIMES. THEY GET TO CHEAT AND DESTROY EVERYTHING BUT WE ARE THE ONES LEFT HOLDING THE BAG (BAGGAGE). TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS.