I hate those intrusive, emotion rollercoaster triggers. I get them a lot at times, and then they are not as intense. I used to sit in in and say nothing, allowing the images that I made up, on what he was doing, usually Hollywood style, and just get more hurt. Since the last D-Day, no wait, the one before that the FD, I tried something different. I came to him and told him I was triggered. He had started telling me when he was triggered by someone, or something, and once I told him, it gave him some insight into me and how I feel, or think. I found it so helpful because he did something different too, he listened to me, didn't defend it, or minimize it. He just said I'm sorry. I found that so helpful. I was able to let go of a lot of those images. Since the D-Day a month ago when he relapsed. I haven't really said a lot. But maybe if you try to as calmly as you can, let her know your trigger. If she listens and doesn't do what is normally done. dismissed, it if very helpful for both of you. It is a good way to learn, grow closer, have some validation, and move forward.

There will always be that kernel of doubt, I have struggled with it for a long time too. But there comes a point when you have to stop torturig yourself. It got too draining for me to keep playing detective all day and re-hashing the past.

Keep strong - Sending positive thoughts your way!

You are not alone. This is what happens.

You can try to discuss it. Or just let it go.

It's exhausting. I am at the point where I have stopped being a detective. I give a little dig now and then. But I try not to slip
back and relive that pain over and over. It's hard. The passage
of time does help along with good behavior.

Yeah this is what happens unfortunately. There are so many things now that are triggers and everything raises suspect. Just like you i can recall many a times taking care of the kids, getting supper ready and such while she was supposedly at the gym or working late (and in reality 90% of the time that is where she was but its that 10% of the time that it was a lie that now makes everything suspect) It just makes it all that much of a sting to know that I was doing the good daddy stuff and contributing to the family in ways that I think most women want while her actions were destroying the marriage. Now if my wife says that she has a meeting or has to stay late or go in early (a lot of her meetings were in the morning or at lunch) than even though I know that is what is going on I cant help but be paranoid.

daledge you are right it is exhausting, even though in my posts it may sound like I am constantly digging I have in fact given up on a lot of things I thought I could or would do for security, it is just too much work, seems weird, and not how I want to live.